Yes, I'm back again. I should be working, but I can hardly function. Here is my eating so far today:
breakfast: Kashi cereal with 1 tbs natural pb and 1 tbs plain greek yogurt, mixed all together (um, it's delish. Try it)
snack: Larabar
snack: pear
lunch: 1/2 cup quinoa, 1/4 cup corn, 1/4 cup black beans, 3 tbs natural salsa
snack: 1 1/2 cups total of steamed broccoli, sugar snap peas and corn, sprinkles with sea salt, garlic powder and a tiny bit of parmesan.
70 oz of water down.
It's all been yummy, but I am hungry and cranky, headachy and I want chocolate. I'm not going to HAVE it, even though it is practically staring me in the face in this damn office.
I forgot to post my weigh in this morning: 209.4. Yes. That's 5 freakin lbs higher than my lowest. It's so damn easy to put back on, and then taking it off takes forever.
tonight for dinner - prolly a big salad with some kind of protein on it (veggie/soy burger) and salsa or oil and vinegar on it... maybe I'll have a little shredded cheese on it too (if Peapod delivers on time!)Hmmm, maybe a sweet potato on the side... dinner is starting to look up!
A little cheat - I chewed a piece of sugar free gum - a cheat because I am getting rid of all the artificial sweeteners, too, but a MUST because of the garlic on my veggies! WOH! I won't do that again at work!!
PROGRESS!
Monday, August 8, 2011
My new commitment
I finally got my Turbofire in the mail. I am VERY excited to begin this program. I actually popped in the DVD last night to get an idea of what I was in for, because the only time I had for a workout or 5AM this morning.
Ugh. Really? At least the kids slept. But, I really, really hate working out in the morning. I feel like my body is just not ready to move effectively and I don't feel like I work as hard.
So, today was day 1 of Turbofire, and I am pretty impressed. I liked the workout. It is supposed to be 30 minutes, but if you opt for the "new to class" workout, it's great because they break down the moves, but it ends up being about 45 minutes then. I was working on a VERY tight schedule this morning, so I was unable to do the 10 min stretching segment. I will do that after I get home from rehearsal later.
The only thing, in looking over the program, I think I would miss, is any lifting. AS far as I can see (and I could be wrong) there is no weight lifting at all. So, I am going to add 1-2 days of lifting in as well.
So, my new commitment:
-I will do the Turbofire workouts as scheduled (6 days), plus 1-2 days of lifting segments per week.
-I will eat clean, homemade, nutritious foods. The junk (even on occasion) has to go. I can't handle it "in moderation". Maybe one day I will be able to, but not now. No sugar (except fruit), no artificial sweetener, no caffeine, cheese limited to 1 serving (1 oz or 1/4 cup shredded) per day. Lean meats, veggies, whole grains.
-I will drink water, water, water. At least 80 oz per day.
-I will journal/blog when I am feeling something I need to deal with, instead of seeking out my substance(sugar)to suppress it.
These are all things I have been working on all along, but I have gotten lax and, as I mentioned, I simply can't handle moderation. As soon as I have "a little" I need more. Something is triggered. My IFG tries to convince me I can have "just a little" but she knows I can't, and then she totally takes over and eats more and more... greedy little thing.
The hard thing about today is it really is like being in detox. I'm am totally scatter-brained, I have a raging headache and a raging attitude to go along with it. My hands are shaking a little... this is all by 9:00 already... I am drinking lots of water, taking some Tylenol, and working through it a minute at a time.
You can see what kind of toll the sugar and caffeine take on me. Even thought I feel terrible, I know this is a good thing for me. It's a difficult time to start this, because this weeks schedule is even crazier than normal - work all week, rehearsal Mon, Tues, performance Wed, rehearsal Friday, Saturday... need to find time in each of those days (even if it's 5am) to get the workouts in. oh, yeah.. and my kids. Prolly should find some time for them too, huh?
I am praying it is a quiet day and people leave me alone. I really don't want to release the wrath on any unsuspecting co-workers. That would be really bad.
I'm out. I'm sure I'll be back.
Ugh. Really? At least the kids slept. But, I really, really hate working out in the morning. I feel like my body is just not ready to move effectively and I don't feel like I work as hard.
So, today was day 1 of Turbofire, and I am pretty impressed. I liked the workout. It is supposed to be 30 minutes, but if you opt for the "new to class" workout, it's great because they break down the moves, but it ends up being about 45 minutes then. I was working on a VERY tight schedule this morning, so I was unable to do the 10 min stretching segment. I will do that after I get home from rehearsal later.
The only thing, in looking over the program, I think I would miss, is any lifting. AS far as I can see (and I could be wrong) there is no weight lifting at all. So, I am going to add 1-2 days of lifting in as well.
So, my new commitment:
-I will do the Turbofire workouts as scheduled (6 days), plus 1-2 days of lifting segments per week.
-I will eat clean, homemade, nutritious foods. The junk (even on occasion) has to go. I can't handle it "in moderation". Maybe one day I will be able to, but not now. No sugar (except fruit), no artificial sweetener, no caffeine, cheese limited to 1 serving (1 oz or 1/4 cup shredded) per day. Lean meats, veggies, whole grains.
-I will drink water, water, water. At least 80 oz per day.
-I will journal/blog when I am feeling something I need to deal with, instead of seeking out my substance(sugar)to suppress it.
These are all things I have been working on all along, but I have gotten lax and, as I mentioned, I simply can't handle moderation. As soon as I have "a little" I need more. Something is triggered. My IFG tries to convince me I can have "just a little" but she knows I can't, and then she totally takes over and eats more and more... greedy little thing.
The hard thing about today is it really is like being in detox. I'm am totally scatter-brained, I have a raging headache and a raging attitude to go along with it. My hands are shaking a little... this is all by 9:00 already... I am drinking lots of water, taking some Tylenol, and working through it a minute at a time.
You can see what kind of toll the sugar and caffeine take on me. Even thought I feel terrible, I know this is a good thing for me. It's a difficult time to start this, because this weeks schedule is even crazier than normal - work all week, rehearsal Mon, Tues, performance Wed, rehearsal Friday, Saturday... need to find time in each of those days (even if it's 5am) to get the workouts in. oh, yeah.. and my kids. Prolly should find some time for them too, huh?
I am praying it is a quiet day and people leave me alone. I really don't want to release the wrath on any unsuspecting co-workers. That would be really bad.
I'm out. I'm sure I'll be back.
Friday, August 5, 2011
And downward we go....
I have so much going on right now I feel like something has to give. Full time job, part time job, school, kids, theater company, exercise, new business, running this challenge...on and on. I told the hubs that after this show, I was out of the theater company and he got really upset and angry. He said that my giving up the company was like I was giving up on him, and that if I left, he thought everyone else would just bail. I can understand where he is coming from, but it still really hurt. I feel like it's one more thing that is holding me back from becoming the person I feel I need to be.
So, of course, I have to get all irrational, and I think that now I can't give up the theater company, even though my heart is just not in it anymore. The drama (of other people) the stress (rehearsal spaces, accompanists, keeping cast members, rehearsal schedules, costumes, props... on and on) just outweigh the love for performing I used to have. It REALLY used to feel like it was worth the work and the stress... but it doesn't feel like that anymore. So, I start to think that means that I can never open a business, that I should just give up on this whole thing. Forget school, everything. Maybe going back to school and trying to move in this totally new and foreign direction is selfish.
Now I feel lost. I am exhausted (which doesn't help) but frankly, I am never going to NOT be exhausted because of all the stuff I have going on. I just don't know where things can give. Do I give up on the dream? Is this dream just a passing excitement? Is it going to become just like performing? Work, work work and not get anything out of it? Should I just be happy in the job I have, stay here and leave everything else alone???
Sorry... I know this is rambling and irrational. But, it's where I am at right now. Totally overwhelmed and confused.
If I could do ANYTHING right now. I would quit my full time job and my part time job, go to school full time, and get my fitness certifications at the same time. I would work out like a fiend, tweak my eating to perfection. I would work on opening the business ASAP. I would concentrate on that and the family, and that's it.
But, I can't do that. I can't leave my job, because it helps me pay for school, and for Josh to be in school. I can't quit the part time (15 students I see all on the weekends) because we still need the money. And I can't quit the theater company because I'll be letting my husband and best friend down.
I'm stuck
So, of course, I have to get all irrational, and I think that now I can't give up the theater company, even though my heart is just not in it anymore. The drama (of other people) the stress (rehearsal spaces, accompanists, keeping cast members, rehearsal schedules, costumes, props... on and on) just outweigh the love for performing I used to have. It REALLY used to feel like it was worth the work and the stress... but it doesn't feel like that anymore. So, I start to think that means that I can never open a business, that I should just give up on this whole thing. Forget school, everything. Maybe going back to school and trying to move in this totally new and foreign direction is selfish.
Now I feel lost. I am exhausted (which doesn't help) but frankly, I am never going to NOT be exhausted because of all the stuff I have going on. I just don't know where things can give. Do I give up on the dream? Is this dream just a passing excitement? Is it going to become just like performing? Work, work work and not get anything out of it? Should I just be happy in the job I have, stay here and leave everything else alone???
Sorry... I know this is rambling and irrational. But, it's where I am at right now. Totally overwhelmed and confused.
If I could do ANYTHING right now. I would quit my full time job and my part time job, go to school full time, and get my fitness certifications at the same time. I would work out like a fiend, tweak my eating to perfection. I would work on opening the business ASAP. I would concentrate on that and the family, and that's it.
But, I can't do that. I can't leave my job, because it helps me pay for school, and for Josh to be in school. I can't quit the part time (15 students I see all on the weekends) because we still need the money. And I can't quit the theater company because I'll be letting my husband and best friend down.
I'm stuck
Thursday, August 4, 2011
New fitness toys and my hardcore workout partner!
After a long day to attempting to stay awake in a training session, I asked my good friend Anna to come to Zumba with me at my gym. She happily agreed. Later, we treck over to the gym and I suspiciously eye the ladies in the zumba room, already dancing up a storm (even though we were early?) So, I go back and look at the schedule. *Doh!* Zumba started an hour before. Crap. Now what?
Well, Spinning class was just about to start.
Anna looked nervous. She had never been spinning before.
Well, we went in there and KILLED it. This was a good instructor, and she tried watching out for Anna (since she was new). It was intense, and I was (AM) SOOOOO proud of Anna for doing it and sticking out the whole class. She really proved to herself that she can really BRING it to intense workouts!
Did I mention I ordered some of these fab little helpers? They work wondered for the pain in my wrist. I use them for pushups and burpees - no pain! Woohoo!
Tonight I am FINALLY trying out my new Athletica DVD that I got, and is still sitting unopened. I feel like my cardio is going well, and I need to concentrate on getting more strength training in. I need to set up a specific schedule for cardio/strength/core, so I'm not wandering around every evening thinking "what am I doing tonight??" Getting my TURBOFIRE will also help! My Dad has made a wonderful contribution to my fitness goals by purchasing the Turbo Fire workout system for me. WOOHOO! I can't WAIT to get it and start trying it out!
Food was "meh" yesterday, but I didn't let it stop me from being as active as possible. I tried to get by my black-and-white thinking of "oh well, I already ate _______, so I might as well go wild today." This, my friends, does not work.
So, all packed up with lunch and snacks today. Planning on a healthy dinner and a little Athletica - I will let you know how much pain I am in tomorrow!
Well, Spinning class was just about to start.
Anna looked nervous. She had never been spinning before.
Well, we went in there and KILLED it. This was a good instructor, and she tried watching out for Anna (since she was new). It was intense, and I was (AM) SOOOOO proud of Anna for doing it and sticking out the whole class. She really proved to herself that she can really BRING it to intense workouts!
Did I mention I ordered some of these fab little helpers? They work wondered for the pain in my wrist. I use them for pushups and burpees - no pain! Woohoo!
Tonight I am FINALLY trying out my new Athletica DVD that I got, and is still sitting unopened. I feel like my cardio is going well, and I need to concentrate on getting more strength training in. I need to set up a specific schedule for cardio/strength/core, so I'm not wandering around every evening thinking "what am I doing tonight??" Getting my TURBOFIRE will also help! My Dad has made a wonderful contribution to my fitness goals by purchasing the Turbo Fire workout system for me. WOOHOO! I can't WAIT to get it and start trying it out!
Food was "meh" yesterday, but I didn't let it stop me from being as active as possible. I tried to get by my black-and-white thinking of "oh well, I already ate _______, so I might as well go wild today." This, my friends, does not work.
So, all packed up with lunch and snacks today. Planning on a healthy dinner and a little Athletica - I will let you know how much pain I am in tomorrow!
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
painful mornings?
Ok friends in fitness - are you in constant pain of some kind? I get up every morning with my feet in terrible pain. If I could use a walker to get myself to the bathroom in the morning, I would. I limp, have to hold myself up on walls... it's not pretty. Of course, the plantar fasciitis is an issue, but even the other foot is painful in the AM. Once I am up a little (and put on sneakers) they feel better.
Does everyone who is very active experience this? Or, should I be talking to my doctor?
Anyway, I've been thinking so much about my business. I have specific ideas about what I want to do, but financially, it will be SO long till I can do it. For example, the most financially frugal thing to do would be to start the business out of the house, however, I really don't want to do that. I have been running voice lessons from my house for 7 years and I just don't think it's a professional way to begin a weightloss/wellness type of establishment. So, right off the bat, we are talking about monthly rent, along with downpayments, furnishings, utilities, etc. Eh.
Regardless of how difficult it looks now, I know that this business will be a success. There is nothing else quite like it out there, and it's something that many people need. Unbeatable combo!
Yesterday, food was excellent, exercise was excellent, and I expect nothing less today. Working for my best self!
Does everyone who is very active experience this? Or, should I be talking to my doctor?
Anyway, I've been thinking so much about my business. I have specific ideas about what I want to do, but financially, it will be SO long till I can do it. For example, the most financially frugal thing to do would be to start the business out of the house, however, I really don't want to do that. I have been running voice lessons from my house for 7 years and I just don't think it's a professional way to begin a weightloss/wellness type of establishment. So, right off the bat, we are talking about monthly rent, along with downpayments, furnishings, utilities, etc. Eh.
Regardless of how difficult it looks now, I know that this business will be a success. There is nothing else quite like it out there, and it's something that many people need. Unbeatable combo!
Yesterday, food was excellent, exercise was excellent, and I expect nothing less today. Working for my best self!
Monday, August 1, 2011
Grrrr......
Maybe it's none of my damn business, but there is just something about people at the gym who come waltzing into class all late, loud and obnoxious that pisses me off.
When I am working hard, I get in a zone. Sometimes if I lose that zone, my body will start to rebel against me and I start to break down. Maybe someone out there knows what I'm talking about. When I am pushing, I need to focus. When someone comes slamming into the spinning room, talking loud, cackling away, and then casually rides the bike when everyone else is working their asses off - it really drives me batty.
I know that this woman's workout is none of my business, but on top of breaking my zone (and others, I am sure) she is TOTALLY phoning in her workout. WHY does this bother me?? I really don't know. I just feel like if you are going to be at the gym - BE there. Work hard. Get the most out of it.
Hm. Maybe I'm just bitchy. Maybe I'm just pissed she broke my zone and I had a hard time getting it back. Or, maybe that's my own fault. I don't know. But it had an impact, that's for sure.
Spinning was *ok* (not taking cackler into account). It was the same instructor I had last week that I really, really disliked. I decided to take this workout into my own hands. I worked really hard, but knew when to take down the intensity and when to bring it up again. It was a better experience that way. I did almost throw up once - but I'm thinking I just drank too much water at once. I am very satisfied by my work level. I pushed, and I am proud.
So, today, I did pay - in spinning.
When I am working hard, I get in a zone. Sometimes if I lose that zone, my body will start to rebel against me and I start to break down. Maybe someone out there knows what I'm talking about. When I am pushing, I need to focus. When someone comes slamming into the spinning room, talking loud, cackling away, and then casually rides the bike when everyone else is working their asses off - it really drives me batty.
I know that this woman's workout is none of my business, but on top of breaking my zone (and others, I am sure) she is TOTALLY phoning in her workout. WHY does this bother me?? I really don't know. I just feel like if you are going to be at the gym - BE there. Work hard. Get the most out of it.
Hm. Maybe I'm just bitchy. Maybe I'm just pissed she broke my zone and I had a hard time getting it back. Or, maybe that's my own fault. I don't know. But it had an impact, that's for sure.
Spinning was *ok* (not taking cackler into account). It was the same instructor I had last week that I really, really disliked. I decided to take this workout into my own hands. I worked really hard, but knew when to take down the intensity and when to bring it up again. It was a better experience that way. I did almost throw up once - but I'm thinking I just drank too much water at once. I am very satisfied by my work level. I pushed, and I am proud.
So, today, I did pay - in spinning.
You must pay.... with spinning!
Usually on my lunch time walk, I get total inspiration to blog. Today, all I could do was think about my boys. I love them so much.
Thing 1 is starting his first full week of pre-school. He will now go everyday, in preparation for all day kindergarden next year (not this fall, next fall) I can't believe how big he is getting.
Thing 2 is such a little punkin'. I just love his little toothy, smiley face. He will be 1 year old next week. I just can't believe it. One year ago, I was 75 lbs heavier (yes, I gained over 50 lbs in my pregnancy) and BEGGING the doctors to induce me... lol. They finally did. Sammy arrived about 8 hours and 2 pushes later, black hair sticking straight up like a mohawk. What an amazing little person he is becoming, taking right after his punky big brother. Talk about being blessed.
Ok, ate crappy this weekend and frankly, I totally forgot to weigh in this morning. When I get up, I've got 2 kids that are squirming to get up and going, and sometimes I hardly have time to pee, never mind remember to weigh in. Maybe I should change my weigh in day to Sunday? Hm. Something to think about.
Spinning tonight, to try and save my heel a little bit. It hasn't been terrible, but I have been a little non-compliant by not going back to the podiatrist... I really need to call and see what's what. There is no point in going back (and paying a co-pay) if I can't get another shot, or something else can be done (which, it can't) So, there you go.
Tomorrow night is rehearsal - which means no workout. I may be able to do a little lifting before we go, so I will try that. Wednesday: Spinning or a video, Thursday: Zumba or a video, Friday: Lifting (rehearsal) Saturday: Tuff Girl... sweat, rinse, repeat.
Eating WILL be better. Today is going well. Planned and packed everything, and it's been great. Leftovers for dinner, and NO sweets. It's always harder on myself the day after I indulge in sweets - taking them back again is more tourturous than not doing it at all. But, did I remember that this time? NOOOOoooooo! So, thus, I pay. You must pay. In sweat and hard work. So, tonight - I spin. My legs will burn, I will swear, and I will be glad I did it. Because I will feel good (after, anyway!)
Thing 1 is starting his first full week of pre-school. He will now go everyday, in preparation for all day kindergarden next year (not this fall, next fall) I can't believe how big he is getting.
Thing 2 is such a little punkin'. I just love his little toothy, smiley face. He will be 1 year old next week. I just can't believe it. One year ago, I was 75 lbs heavier (yes, I gained over 50 lbs in my pregnancy) and BEGGING the doctors to induce me... lol. They finally did. Sammy arrived about 8 hours and 2 pushes later, black hair sticking straight up like a mohawk. What an amazing little person he is becoming, taking right after his punky big brother. Talk about being blessed.
Ok, ate crappy this weekend and frankly, I totally forgot to weigh in this morning. When I get up, I've got 2 kids that are squirming to get up and going, and sometimes I hardly have time to pee, never mind remember to weigh in. Maybe I should change my weigh in day to Sunday? Hm. Something to think about.
Spinning tonight, to try and save my heel a little bit. It hasn't been terrible, but I have been a little non-compliant by not going back to the podiatrist... I really need to call and see what's what. There is no point in going back (and paying a co-pay) if I can't get another shot, or something else can be done (which, it can't) So, there you go.
Tomorrow night is rehearsal - which means no workout. I may be able to do a little lifting before we go, so I will try that. Wednesday: Spinning or a video, Thursday: Zumba or a video, Friday: Lifting (rehearsal) Saturday: Tuff Girl... sweat, rinse, repeat.
Eating WILL be better. Today is going well. Planned and packed everything, and it's been great. Leftovers for dinner, and NO sweets. It's always harder on myself the day after I indulge in sweets - taking them back again is more tourturous than not doing it at all. But, did I remember that this time? NOOOOoooooo! So, thus, I pay. You must pay. In sweat and hard work. So, tonight - I spin. My legs will burn, I will swear, and I will be glad I did it. Because I will feel good (after, anyway!)
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