Is there anybody out there?

Wow, long time no see, huh? A lot has gone on over the last 4 months and I'll fill you in a bit at a time. So, why am I back? Well, this is one place I can fully vent. Put out my true feelings. I don't have any other place like that right now. So, if there IS someone reading: you're it.

Social media, while full of friends and family, is also now filled with clients and students. So, airing any big insecurities is not a great idea there. Even my Strong Mama K facebook has access to people I may not want to be bearing my soul to.

Anyway, Happy New Year. I'll be back again to give you the story from September on.

Peace.

My poor, neglected blog

Poor baby! I'm sorry I have neglected you, my little blog!

Alright - hi guys. 

I lost a follower in my absence! *sigh* Oh well!

I wouldn't say I've been "off the wagon". I've been hanging on. Maybe to a little tiny corner with my pinkie finger, but I've hung on!

AND, it's paid off, my friends. No, I haven't lost any weight. But, even with my occasional stress eating and being unable to do my hardcore workouts, I have NOT gained any weight!

That is a VICTORY as far as I am concerned!

But, now is the time to get re-focused. So, I am going to what has motivated me for the last few months. Diet Bet! I just joined another game that starts TODAY. I'm glad. No down time! I'll submit my pic later today and I am already off and running!

This is going to take even more determination now. In 2 days, I will be working for myself. I will have unstructured time that I will have to create structure within. I need to do that immediately, so that I don't get lax with anything.

I'm going to make the gym in the AM a priority. Drop the kids off, hit the gym. Go home, shower, breakfast and work for a few hours. Lunch, housework, Teaching. Pick up kids, teaching, class. Repeat.

Frightening.

Anyway, I'm running to class. But I'll be back more often again.

As always - keep moving forward...

The Cat is outta the bag...

It's official.

My last day of my current 40hour-per-week job will be next Friday.

I'm taking a very large, scary leap. 

Will update soon. 

Panicking LEAPS

How do you really know when taking a big leap is worth it?

I guess you don't know.

I guess that's why it's called faith.

But... making a big change is NOT just about me.

It's about my family.

One wrong move and my family could be in financial chaos.

But staying the same... I just don't think that's an option.

But the panic.... oooohhhhh the panic.

It has set in.

Can I really do this?

SHOULD I really do this?

Will it be worth it?

What if I fail?

I'm trying to allow myself, in this situation, to feel like I feel in the gym.
You just DO it.
You keep at it.
YOU make it a SUCCESS.
It takes hard work, discipline.
There are struggles.
But if you work hard enough, you WILL conquer.

But, in the gym, it's just ME.

There is no one but MYSELF to feel the effects if I fail.

But THIS... this... what if... what if...

Freaking out has officially begun. Where will it go now?

Why do "leaps of faith" have to be SO DAMN BIG?

Chipping away

All I can manage:

My weight is moving down.
My confidence is moving back up.
And as always, I will:
Keep Moving Forward...

Exhaustion, Birthdays, Ragtime and DietBet

I can hardly keep my eyes open as I write this. It's 7:04am and I have been at work for a while now. After rehearsals every night for Ragtime, getting home after 11:00 each evening, the exhaustion is catching up with me. Thank GOD I had the for-sight to take tomorrow, Monday and Tuesday OFF of work! Hooray! I am TOTALLY sleeping in tomorrow (which will probably mean 7:00am)

Today is my little ones birthday. He is 4 today. Not a baby anymore, for sure. He is an incredible little human being. Smart, sensitive, caring, stubborn, awesome and most definitely his "own man".

Sometimes he even does chores! Ha!

Last night was our second-to-last rehearsal before our show "goes up" tomorrow night. Of course we started snapping pics. I'll share a sneak peek with you:

"Mother" and "Father"

Battling with my weight for what seems like my whole life never gets easier. I may have lost a lot of weight, but those little voices still plague me. I didn't get my costume until yesterday, and they whole time I was thinking "it's not going to fit. What am I going to do if it doesn't fit?" The costume was MADE for me, from my MEASUREMENTS. So, in reality, I didn't really have a lot to be concerned about. But, that didn't stop those voices. *sigh* I guess that will always be a battle?

The show is going to be wonderful. There are still kinks that we need to work on (as with ANY show!). But, if you are in the CT area and want to come support the show, PLEASE let me know! We have a moving and important story to tell here. Or you can go to our theater companies website Round Table Players to reserve tickets.

A little update on my DietBet. As I think I mentioned, I ended up taking part in not one but TWO dietbets this past month! I am excited to say I made my goal! One is ending today and the other tomorrow. Once I post my official weigh-in for them, I'll share it with you. But I'll give you a hint - it's a VERY nice milestone to see AGAIN.

Keep moving forward!

It's SHOWTIME!

During this crazy tech week of Ragtime, The Musical, you won't see any gym pictures. I'm going from work to rehearsal to shower to bed and repeat, until Friday, when I will celebrate the birthday of my beautiful Thing 2 (4 years old!) and get some much needed rest before our Friday night opening.

This is not to say that I will be sedentary. Oh no. I'm doing what I can, when I can. This week, it's 20 minute walks in the morning and afternoon at work. Although rehearsal isn't "exerting" in the way that we think of when going to the gym, it IS being on my feet, in constant motion, for 3-4 hours. No, I don't count it as a workout, but I KNOW I'm burning some calories! 

I won't lie. I'm tired. Bed after 11:00, up at 5:45 to get into work by 6:30 to make up some time I will be taking off on Friday, Monday and Tuesday (ohhhhhhh yeeesssssssss), is really exhausting. However, I have not (and will not) sacrifice my eating because of it. I'm still prepping and logging all of my food. I know that if I default to crap food for convenience, not only will I see it on the scale, I will FEEL it in my energy and I will just generally feel like crap. I don't have time for that shit.

I'm too tired to write anymore. LOL. I just spent the last 5 minutes staring blankly at the screen. So, I'm going to take that as a sign and wrap it up. I can't guarantee another post this week, but I can guarantee I will have SHOW pictures for you next week! (And maybe a scale picture or 2!)

Keep moving forward....