I have to share a great revelation.
This morning as I busily got the kids and myself together to get out the door, I noticed the huge bag of Halloween candy sitting on my counter, as it had been sitting on my counter for days. I really didn’t pay a lot of attention until it really hit me: “I REALLY hadn’t been paying a lot of attention to it!!”
There has been no obsessing about “staying away” from the candy, and no obsession with “NEEDING to have ALL the candy”. It has simply sat there, unopened. Ignored.
Talk about JOY!
Talk about a BREAKTHROUGH!
This was very exciting for me to realize. I have come to see that since I started to treat food as food; Nothing more, nothing less; Not bad, not good, the hold that sugary things used to hold over me has fallen away. It’s really very freeing and liberating.
My focus for the last week specifically is mindfulness. I am striving to eat ONLY when I am hungry. It’s been hard at times! I have not always been mindful, for sure! But it has been very eye-opening. I often want to eat when I am anything BUT hungry (which I have known). But to give myself a moment to say “I know you want a snack, but you really aren’t hungry – what is it that you need?” has been very interesting.
Sometimes I know what I need (a break from my desk, for example) and sometimes I don’t. It’s not perfect, it never will be, and I’m OK with that! It’s a skill I am working very hard on and I have decided to really concentrate on it for a few weeks, just on its own, with no other eating-restriction-diet-mentality ideas. Just let it be about being mindful.
Mindfulness with eating is something I scoffed at for a long time. After all, I don’t want to think about WHY I want to eat – I just want food, dammit! But while immersing myself in information about it, I came across a new perspective.
-Make the mindfulness happen AFTER the food is consumed-
This, to start, made so much more sense to me. When I paid attention to my food, and how I felt AFTER I ate it, I discovered much more easily what made me feel good, and what made me feel crappy. Making THAT discovery more easily moves me into being mindful BEFORE I eat something. I have the knowledge of what how that food might affect me physically, so I have a totally informed decision to make.
When I type it out, it reads a little “obsess-y” but it really doesn’t feel that way at all. It feels good to be in tune with myself. Coming into my body is a very, very slow process for me. Coming into my mind is first.
Hooray for therapy! LOL
Have a sweet Halloween. Enjoy some candy, if that’s your thing. Stay away from it if you prefer. Whatever gives you JOY? Go for it!
PROGRESS!
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Back to the fitness, and the price of sanity
In my defense, I DID warn you yesterdays post was not about fitness. :-)
Thanks to the few of you who responded with your thoughts. It nice to hear outside perspective. Obviously it’s a difficult situation and one that is going to require a lot more thought and processing on my part.
Anywho…
A few PR’s for you:
24” box jump x 2 (YESSSSS!!!!!)
195 lb hex-bar dead lift x 5 (paid very close attention to form, because I felt my knees want to cave inward, but I didn’t let them. I kept them pressed out and pushed through the quads. Awesome)
The hubs and I have been talking a lot. He really wants to start exercising regularly and lifting. *I* really want him to, as well. Because he is currently overweight, he feels incredibly insecure going to the gym by himself, ESPECIALLY for lifting. Totally understandable. Up to this point, I have been spending all my workout time at Bodyology (you all know how much I totally, utterly adore it there).
However.
The more we talked, the more I realized how much more comfortable he would feel if we were going together to the gym. We certainly can’t afford to both go to Bodyology… so… I think I am going to take a leap, cancel my Bodyology (which is a good chunk of change for us, as you know) and start getting down to business at our local gym. I’ll put together some lifting sessions for both of us based on what I have learned, and some metabolic sessions as well.
The hubs wants this, but is also very nervous. He knows how hardcore my workouts are, and how hardcore I make them at the gym. And frankly, if I’m giving up Bodyology, I cannot afford to come down in intensity. It’s much harder to push yourself to the right place on your own. He’s starting in a much different place than I’m at, and is worried he won’t be able to do things. We talked about working at our own individual level for each workout… but he wasn’t happy about that. Maybe there is some kind of intimidation factor? I dunno.
I think it’s the right thing to do for my family. It means more together time, helping hubby develop some really healthy habits, and less worry about how much $$ I’m spending every month.
This could be super awesome for us. However… I’m not above being led down the “oh, let’s just skip it today” road. NO ONE is immune to that feeling, especially once it gets cold and dark. I asked my hubby for a real commitment, and so far I’ve gotten a luke-warm commitment.
So, let’s just say nothing has been decided. I still have all of November with Bodyology. I don’t have to let them know for another few weeks if I am going to cancel.
I can’t remember if I mentioned that I started therapy. I might have. Anyway, the woman I am seeing is great. I am hoping this works out. Weekly co-pays are a bitch when your check is right down to the penny already. I know it’s an important part of my learning to love myself, allowing myself to take up space, and allowing myself a healthy, normal relationship with food.
You can’t really put a price on that – can you? If you could, it would probably be worth a lot more than my co-pays.
Thanks to the few of you who responded with your thoughts. It nice to hear outside perspective. Obviously it’s a difficult situation and one that is going to require a lot more thought and processing on my part.
Anywho…
A few PR’s for you:
24” box jump x 2 (YESSSSS!!!!!)
195 lb hex-bar dead lift x 5 (paid very close attention to form, because I felt my knees want to cave inward, but I didn’t let them. I kept them pressed out and pushed through the quads. Awesome)
The hubs and I have been talking a lot. He really wants to start exercising regularly and lifting. *I* really want him to, as well. Because he is currently overweight, he feels incredibly insecure going to the gym by himself, ESPECIALLY for lifting. Totally understandable. Up to this point, I have been spending all my workout time at Bodyology (you all know how much I totally, utterly adore it there).
However.
The more we talked, the more I realized how much more comfortable he would feel if we were going together to the gym. We certainly can’t afford to both go to Bodyology… so… I think I am going to take a leap, cancel my Bodyology (which is a good chunk of change for us, as you know) and start getting down to business at our local gym. I’ll put together some lifting sessions for both of us based on what I have learned, and some metabolic sessions as well.
The hubs wants this, but is also very nervous. He knows how hardcore my workouts are, and how hardcore I make them at the gym. And frankly, if I’m giving up Bodyology, I cannot afford to come down in intensity. It’s much harder to push yourself to the right place on your own. He’s starting in a much different place than I’m at, and is worried he won’t be able to do things. We talked about working at our own individual level for each workout… but he wasn’t happy about that. Maybe there is some kind of intimidation factor? I dunno.
I think it’s the right thing to do for my family. It means more together time, helping hubby develop some really healthy habits, and less worry about how much $$ I’m spending every month.
This could be super awesome for us. However… I’m not above being led down the “oh, let’s just skip it today” road. NO ONE is immune to that feeling, especially once it gets cold and dark. I asked my hubby for a real commitment, and so far I’ve gotten a luke-warm commitment.
So, let’s just say nothing has been decided. I still have all of November with Bodyology. I don’t have to let them know for another few weeks if I am going to cancel.
I can’t remember if I mentioned that I started therapy. I might have. Anyway, the woman I am seeing is great. I am hoping this works out. Weekly co-pays are a bitch when your check is right down to the penny already. I know it’s an important part of my learning to love myself, allowing myself to take up space, and allowing myself a healthy, normal relationship with food.
You can’t really put a price on that – can you? If you could, it would probably be worth a lot more than my co-pays.
Monday, October 28, 2013
Big Changes, Letting go for your own good.
Disclaimer: This post is NOT specifically weight-loss/fitness related. File this under the "Stuff" category.
The one thing in life you can always count on is change.
I wrote last week about my friend who passed away. Still no official word on what happened. His services were just this Saturday and it was incredibly sad. I hugged his wife and she was just a shell. You could see she barely heard what anyone said. His parents were the same. I hugged his sister extra tight. I just can’t imagine the pain of losing a brother/son/husband. Too much to even think about.
Then I got the shaft from a “good” friend of mine. I would have called him my “best” friend before Saturday night. He was my Man-of-Honor at my wedding. He is the God-Father of Thing 1. He and I have been friends since we were babies.
Literally.
So, what happened? Well, there was a get-together at his house after the service on Saturday. I told him repeatedly to text me what time to come over. I canceled other plans. I sat and waited.
About 6:15 (service ended about 5:30) or so, I text him. I text my cousin (also invited to said get-together). No response from either. Hubby and I decide to go out (we were childless for the evening), but to stay close by in case I got a text back.
Around 8:00, I get a text – “Oops. Just got this text. Everyone will be leaving soon. I thought you ditched us”
Excuse me?
This doesn’t seem like a big deal, unless you also know a little back story. My “best” friend has done this repeatedly to me over the years. I’m forgotten. Conveniently not invited to things. I was hardly in his wedding (I sang for it). Of course, I was a bigger fatty then, and I probably would have fucked up the pictures or something (I can kinda see his wife feeling like that). I had my surgery in March, and I was home for more than 2 weeks from work. He knew this. I told him to come over several times. I really wanted to see him. He didn’t.
We haven’t actually gotten together in like, 2 years.
He lives about 1 mile from me.
So, the furious texting began. I let it all out.
He apologized profusely. His wife texted me an apology too. But at this point, I don’t care.
I’m tired of being forgotten by him. Put last on the list. I’m not asking to be first, I just want to be on it SOMEWHERE.
I thought about how few friendships I really have. Maybe it’s me. Maybe I am just so incredibly dull to be around that no one can maintain a friendship with me. Maybe my slight anti-socialism (I get nervous and uncomfortable around a lot of people when I don’t know them well) is my downfall. I’m not a drinker or a partier. I go to bed early because of the kids and workouts and church and the millions of other things I do. I’m not sure what it is. But, I have to do a lot of self-searching.
This story is a little convoluted. I know that if I had talked to him WAY before this about my hurt feelings, we wouldn’t have gotten into this. I was always afraid that if I approached him about it, he would just blow me off – maybe it wouldn’t be worth his time to work on the friendship. So I just kept bottling it all up. He works a ton, has a wife and 2 kids, one of which is only 2 months old. However, just as another example, I had to hear second hand that his wife was even pregnant. I never saw them the whole time. I had to send gifts through Amazon. I never even got a response to those gifts. I *think* they got them.
I’ve never met the baby.
You would think that after losing a friend so suddenly, I would be feeling the opposite way right now.
I would think:
“Life it too short, let it go”.
Instead, I’m thinking:
“Life is too short to cling to people who don’t care all that much about you”
What do YOU think? Mountain out of a molehill on my part? Any of you ever have to walk away from someone you have put your heart and soul into for your own good?
The one thing in life you can always count on is change.
I wrote last week about my friend who passed away. Still no official word on what happened. His services were just this Saturday and it was incredibly sad. I hugged his wife and she was just a shell. You could see she barely heard what anyone said. His parents were the same. I hugged his sister extra tight. I just can’t imagine the pain of losing a brother/son/husband. Too much to even think about.
Then I got the shaft from a “good” friend of mine. I would have called him my “best” friend before Saturday night. He was my Man-of-Honor at my wedding. He is the God-Father of Thing 1. He and I have been friends since we were babies.
Literally.
So, what happened? Well, there was a get-together at his house after the service on Saturday. I told him repeatedly to text me what time to come over. I canceled other plans. I sat and waited.
About 6:15 (service ended about 5:30) or so, I text him. I text my cousin (also invited to said get-together). No response from either. Hubby and I decide to go out (we were childless for the evening), but to stay close by in case I got a text back.
Around 8:00, I get a text – “Oops. Just got this text. Everyone will be leaving soon. I thought you ditched us”
Excuse me?
This doesn’t seem like a big deal, unless you also know a little back story. My “best” friend has done this repeatedly to me over the years. I’m forgotten. Conveniently not invited to things. I was hardly in his wedding (I sang for it). Of course, I was a bigger fatty then, and I probably would have fucked up the pictures or something (I can kinda see his wife feeling like that). I had my surgery in March, and I was home for more than 2 weeks from work. He knew this. I told him to come over several times. I really wanted to see him. He didn’t.
We haven’t actually gotten together in like, 2 years.
He lives about 1 mile from me.
So, the furious texting began. I let it all out.
He apologized profusely. His wife texted me an apology too. But at this point, I don’t care.
I’m tired of being forgotten by him. Put last on the list. I’m not asking to be first, I just want to be on it SOMEWHERE.
I thought about how few friendships I really have. Maybe it’s me. Maybe I am just so incredibly dull to be around that no one can maintain a friendship with me. Maybe my slight anti-socialism (I get nervous and uncomfortable around a lot of people when I don’t know them well) is my downfall. I’m not a drinker or a partier. I go to bed early because of the kids and workouts and church and the millions of other things I do. I’m not sure what it is. But, I have to do a lot of self-searching.
This story is a little convoluted. I know that if I had talked to him WAY before this about my hurt feelings, we wouldn’t have gotten into this. I was always afraid that if I approached him about it, he would just blow me off – maybe it wouldn’t be worth his time to work on the friendship. So I just kept bottling it all up. He works a ton, has a wife and 2 kids, one of which is only 2 months old. However, just as another example, I had to hear second hand that his wife was even pregnant. I never saw them the whole time. I had to send gifts through Amazon. I never even got a response to those gifts. I *think* they got them.
I’ve never met the baby.
You would think that after losing a friend so suddenly, I would be feeling the opposite way right now.
I would think:
“Life it too short, let it go”.
Instead, I’m thinking:
“Life is too short to cling to people who don’t care all that much about you”
What do YOU think? Mountain out of a molehill on my part? Any of you ever have to walk away from someone you have put your heart and soul into for your own good?
Monday, October 21, 2013
Everyday is a gift, and nothing is promised...
Sorry I was MIA all last week. I just didn’t feel like posting much. I had last Monday off with the hubby and minions, and well, it was awesome. We did fall crafts all last weekend, took things slow. Relaxed (as much as I can relax, that is). The kids were great. It was like a little “stay-cation”
Work last week was nothing really to write home about… I’ve got a good gig going here and I can’t screw it up. I want desperately to move along in my degree and I did some research into other programs. I found a distance learning program through Rutgers and I am pretty excited about the prospect. If I finished a ton of classes at Gateway and transferred those credits to the online program, I could do more classes at once and finish much sooner. It’s also less expensive than the 4 year program that is local to me. I wrote my advisor for her thoughts and I’m hoping to hear back from her soon. The light at the end of the tunnel might just be a *little* closer.
Got some bad news last night. A childhood friend of mine passed away suddenly. He was only 33. He had a beautiful wife and gorgeous twin boys who will be 1 year old next week. I cannot imagine his wife's heartbreak right now. I weep for her. I weep for him. I weep for our other friends who have regrets about their relationships. I weep for the loss. We do not know what happened to him yet, only that his wife found him slumped over in his chair in their yard... Things like this make you hold tighter to those you love. Everyday is a gift, and NOTHING is promised. Nothing.
*sigh*
In some more uplifting (no pun intended) news - I have some PR’s to report: 95# on my bench press x 3, and 120# on my back squat x 3. I’m still working the #45 single arm rows. My push-ups are getting much better… still working on those damn pull-ups.
I can’t WAIT to report triple digits on my bench press. I started out maxing at 80# on bench. I’m excited to see my progress.
On Saturday, after FMA, the hubs and I actually had some grown-up time while my kids visited with my mom. We went on an awesome 1.5 hour hike. It was amazing. The leaves changing, the crisp air. I LOVE fall. We actually found a trail that hubby had never been on before, and it led us up to the top of a huge rock with a gorgeous view of the water and trees. So incredible. As we were walking back to the car, I thought “I never could have done this a few years ago. Ever”.
More good news is I finally found a therapist. I’ve wanted to find someone for a long time to talk with, and schedule has always been an issue. But, I have finally found one. She sees people close to where I live, and she understands my incredibly full schedule. I felt comfortable with her and I think it’s going to work well.
Eating is good. No binging. No overeating. I feel calm about it. I am eating enough. I am eating when I am hungry. My weight is stable. I DO want it to go down. And it will go down. I am getting back into logging my food and I’m feeling OK with that – not anxious, not crazed. I don’t care when I get close to my calorie goal. I used to get so nervous when I got “too close” (to my already too low calorie goal) that I would either just not eat the rest of the day, or I would go totally overboard. Nope. Not one f*ck given. I’m striving for enough protein because I am lifting regularly. Besides that, my calories can be anything I want.
For an example: today’s menu:
- Coffee cocoa (with cinnamon – yum)
- Zucchini quiche with an apple
- Banana and PB
- Big salad with sunflower seeds, craisins, olives, peppers, carrots, good seasons dressing and lots of greens, ½ serving of butternut squash apple soup with brown rice (only ½ because I was VERY full)
- Coffee cocoa
- Before school: Other ½ of soup, 1 chicken meatloaf “muffin”
- After school: Garlic Honey chicken (crock pot recipe. So yummy), baked potato, steamed veggies.***
** This may not happen, only because sometimes I am so spent after my late class, all I want is my bed
I am very happy with this food plan today. It comes out to about 1900 calories.
Becuase I’ve just started tracking again, I don’t know exactly what my calorie intake has been for the last few months. It’s probably been in the mid 2000’s somewhere or I wouldn’t be maintaining. On days I don’t work-out, I will try to come in at around 2000, and on days I do workout, about I’ll go up to 2500 or so.
I will track and strive for these numbers for a while and see what happens. If I continue to maintain, I will slowly drop the calories, until I start to see a small drop in fat. So on and so forth.
I don’t care if it takes me a year to lose 30 lbs. Maybe longer. I want to be happy and relaxed about my food choices. I want to fuel that AWESOMENESS that is my lifting and workout life right now. THE END.
Work last week was nothing really to write home about… I’ve got a good gig going here and I can’t screw it up. I want desperately to move along in my degree and I did some research into other programs. I found a distance learning program through Rutgers and I am pretty excited about the prospect. If I finished a ton of classes at Gateway and transferred those credits to the online program, I could do more classes at once and finish much sooner. It’s also less expensive than the 4 year program that is local to me. I wrote my advisor for her thoughts and I’m hoping to hear back from her soon. The light at the end of the tunnel might just be a *little* closer.
Got some bad news last night. A childhood friend of mine passed away suddenly. He was only 33. He had a beautiful wife and gorgeous twin boys who will be 1 year old next week. I cannot imagine his wife's heartbreak right now. I weep for her. I weep for him. I weep for our other friends who have regrets about their relationships. I weep for the loss. We do not know what happened to him yet, only that his wife found him slumped over in his chair in their yard... Things like this make you hold tighter to those you love. Everyday is a gift, and NOTHING is promised. Nothing.
*sigh*
In some more uplifting (no pun intended) news - I have some PR’s to report: 95# on my bench press x 3, and 120# on my back squat x 3. I’m still working the #45 single arm rows. My push-ups are getting much better… still working on those damn pull-ups.
I can’t WAIT to report triple digits on my bench press. I started out maxing at 80# on bench. I’m excited to see my progress.
On Saturday, after FMA, the hubs and I actually had some grown-up time while my kids visited with my mom. We went on an awesome 1.5 hour hike. It was amazing. The leaves changing, the crisp air. I LOVE fall. We actually found a trail that hubby had never been on before, and it led us up to the top of a huge rock with a gorgeous view of the water and trees. So incredible. As we were walking back to the car, I thought “I never could have done this a few years ago. Ever”.
More good news is I finally found a therapist. I’ve wanted to find someone for a long time to talk with, and schedule has always been an issue. But, I have finally found one. She sees people close to where I live, and she understands my incredibly full schedule. I felt comfortable with her and I think it’s going to work well.
Eating is good. No binging. No overeating. I feel calm about it. I am eating enough. I am eating when I am hungry. My weight is stable. I DO want it to go down. And it will go down. I am getting back into logging my food and I’m feeling OK with that – not anxious, not crazed. I don’t care when I get close to my calorie goal. I used to get so nervous when I got “too close” (to my already too low calorie goal) that I would either just not eat the rest of the day, or I would go totally overboard. Nope. Not one f*ck given. I’m striving for enough protein because I am lifting regularly. Besides that, my calories can be anything I want.
For an example: today’s menu:
- Coffee cocoa (with cinnamon – yum)
- Zucchini quiche with an apple
- Banana and PB
- Big salad with sunflower seeds, craisins, olives, peppers, carrots, good seasons dressing and lots of greens, ½ serving of butternut squash apple soup with brown rice (only ½ because I was VERY full)
- Coffee cocoa
- Before school: Other ½ of soup, 1 chicken meatloaf “muffin”
- After school: Garlic Honey chicken (crock pot recipe. So yummy), baked potato, steamed veggies.***
** This may not happen, only because sometimes I am so spent after my late class, all I want is my bed
I am very happy with this food plan today. It comes out to about 1900 calories.
Becuase I’ve just started tracking again, I don’t know exactly what my calorie intake has been for the last few months. It’s probably been in the mid 2000’s somewhere or I wouldn’t be maintaining. On days I don’t work-out, I will try to come in at around 2000, and on days I do workout, about I’ll go up to 2500 or so.
I will track and strive for these numbers for a while and see what happens. If I continue to maintain, I will slowly drop the calories, until I start to see a small drop in fat. So on and so forth.
I don’t care if it takes me a year to lose 30 lbs. Maybe longer. I want to be happy and relaxed about my food choices. I want to fuel that AWESOMENESS that is my lifting and workout life right now. THE END.
Friday, October 11, 2013
Keep at it, and "stay-cation"
You guys who have been hanging out here for a while know me by now.
I freak out. I am dramatic. I am high-strung.
I know all these things about myself.
Then, I take a moment, and I let things marinate in my brain…
7 years.
It will take about 7 years for me to finish what I’ve started.
7 years that will go by anyway, regardless of my getting a degree or not.
So? What’s a girl to do?
This girl keeps at it. Even if it’s one class at a time (and with classes like microbiology and organic chemistry, that might just have to happen), this girl will keep going.
There will be tears. There will be stress and frustration.
But hey, No one ever said it would be easy. But it will be worth it.
I was sitting in class last night and I just kept thinking “Damn, I LOVE this stuff!” and I really, really do! So, if I really, really love it – I have to keep doing it! *DUH*
So, you’ll be hearing me bitch for the next 7 years… um, yeah, sorry about that.
Moving on to other things…
The fam and I are having a little “stay-cation” this weekend. Hubby and I took Monday off (and the kids are off anyway). We are planning very little to do. This is the first weekend in MONTHS we don’t have a huge schedule to cram.
We are going to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s “Out of the Darkness” walk tomorrow. We walk in honor and memory of my young cousin, Brian, who took his own life. We walk as a family. Although Thing 1 and 2 obviously don’t understand, but they will feel the love of our family, and the sadness of missing “Uncle Brian”
I hope you all have a peaceful weekend
I freak out. I am dramatic. I am high-strung.
I know all these things about myself.
Then, I take a moment, and I let things marinate in my brain…
7 years.
It will take about 7 years for me to finish what I’ve started.
7 years that will go by anyway, regardless of my getting a degree or not.
So? What’s a girl to do?
This girl keeps at it. Even if it’s one class at a time (and with classes like microbiology and organic chemistry, that might just have to happen), this girl will keep going.
There will be tears. There will be stress and frustration.
But hey, No one ever said it would be easy. But it will be worth it.
I was sitting in class last night and I just kept thinking “Damn, I LOVE this stuff!” and I really, really do! So, if I really, really love it – I have to keep doing it! *DUH*
So, you’ll be hearing me bitch for the next 7 years… um, yeah, sorry about that.
Moving on to other things…
The fam and I are having a little “stay-cation” this weekend. Hubby and I took Monday off (and the kids are off anyway). We are planning very little to do. This is the first weekend in MONTHS we don’t have a huge schedule to cram.
We are going to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s “Out of the Darkness” walk tomorrow. We walk in honor and memory of my young cousin, Brian, who took his own life. We walk as a family. Although Thing 1 and 2 obviously don’t understand, but they will feel the love of our family, and the sadness of missing “Uncle Brian”
I hope you all have a peaceful weekend
Thursday, October 10, 2013
When Dreams Begin to Die.
I know. How dramatic. But I have taken a hard look at things… And I am feeling some dreams start to tumble right off a cliff.
You all know I am in school part time. 2 courses per semester and usually 1 during the summer. I’ve been at this for a few years now.
Right now, to finish my associates (Dietetic Technician, Registered), not including this semester, I have at least another 1.5 years to finish.
Now, this is not horrible. However, for shits and giggles this morning I decided to do a job search for something in the field that I can move to while I continue to pursue my Registered Dietician degree at a 4 year university.
I came across a few interesting things in my short search.
1. There are almost NO jobs as a diet tech. I mean, like, there might have been one in all the search engines I looked in.
2. Diet techs seem to make less money than I do now working as an associate.
Both of these things are bad.
Ok, I think. Let’s go on over to the UNH website and see what I will need to accomplish to get the RD.
I found that, assuming I can take my standard 2 classes per semester, perhaps one in the summer, I will be going to school for an additional 4 years.
BEFORE any internship.
So, we are at 5.5 years, plus internship time.
Then I took a look at the tuition at this University. Obviously it costs more than our community college. You know the only reason I am able to take classes is because my job reimburses me for them. They give me a certain amount per year that cannot be exceeded. It would appear that because of the price difference between the college and the university, I will be unable to take 2 courses per semester. This will add approx 1.5 years to the original time line.
(Let’s not even talk about the minor heart attack I had when I saw courses like Anatomy and Physiology 1 and 2, Microbiology and Organic Chemistry. Remember people, I cried during my entire semester of Math 115)
Now we are at 7 years before the Bachelors degree is completed. During those 7 years, working anywhere in the field looks fairly bleak, because of the lower salary, and because if I leave the hospital I work at now, I will have no reimbursement at all.
You may now be able to see why I am not sure where to go from here. Am I wasting my time right now? Does it make any sense to continue in school for 7 years, staying in a job I dislike, and making a total career change at age 42?
I feel really, really lost right now.
You all know I am in school part time. 2 courses per semester and usually 1 during the summer. I’ve been at this for a few years now.
Right now, to finish my associates (Dietetic Technician, Registered), not including this semester, I have at least another 1.5 years to finish.
Now, this is not horrible. However, for shits and giggles this morning I decided to do a job search for something in the field that I can move to while I continue to pursue my Registered Dietician degree at a 4 year university.
I came across a few interesting things in my short search.
1. There are almost NO jobs as a diet tech. I mean, like, there might have been one in all the search engines I looked in.
2. Diet techs seem to make less money than I do now working as an associate.
Both of these things are bad.
Ok, I think. Let’s go on over to the UNH website and see what I will need to accomplish to get the RD.
I found that, assuming I can take my standard 2 classes per semester, perhaps one in the summer, I will be going to school for an additional 4 years.
BEFORE any internship.
So, we are at 5.5 years, plus internship time.
Then I took a look at the tuition at this University. Obviously it costs more than our community college. You know the only reason I am able to take classes is because my job reimburses me for them. They give me a certain amount per year that cannot be exceeded. It would appear that because of the price difference between the college and the university, I will be unable to take 2 courses per semester. This will add approx 1.5 years to the original time line.
(Let’s not even talk about the minor heart attack I had when I saw courses like Anatomy and Physiology 1 and 2, Microbiology and Organic Chemistry. Remember people, I cried during my entire semester of Math 115)
Now we are at 7 years before the Bachelors degree is completed. During those 7 years, working anywhere in the field looks fairly bleak, because of the lower salary, and because if I leave the hospital I work at now, I will have no reimbursement at all.
You may now be able to see why I am not sure where to go from here. Am I wasting my time right now? Does it make any sense to continue in school for 7 years, staying in a job I dislike, and making a total career change at age 42?
I feel really, really lost right now.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
What happens when you SUCK at the gym
Last night was my first workout back after the Fitathlon.
It sucked.
I felt weak and tired.
Well, yeah. I beat the crap out of myself on Saturday!
I pushed. I gave it my all. Everything I HAD.
But there just wasn’t as much to give.
So what do you do when this happens? And – it’s inevitable that it will at some point.
You give yourself a freaking BREAK.
I had to just move on from that feeling of “failure”.
So, my pull-ups felt REALLY hard. I still did them.
My back squat form broke on my final rep of my set of #115. I still did them.
I had to drop-set on my dumb-bell shoulder press from #30 to #25 on my last set.
I still moved up to #30 this week – even if it was only for 2 of the 3 sets
I DID struggle through my single arm rows, which I am now at #45 with (proud!) But I finished my sets with those really f’in heavy DB’s.
The MET-CON was really tough, but doable. I pushed through it. I tried to take moves up to the next level, even just for ½ of the interval.
Overall, I know this workout didn’t “Suck”. I mean, the only workout you regret is the one you didn’t do, right? Right. But still. I love the feeling of empowerment I have normally when I leave the studio, and I just didn’t feel that yesterday.
So now what?
Well, I go back today, and I work as hard as I possibly can, and I continue to move forward. I push for the next level, and then I take 1-2 days to rest. I also eat a lot of good food. Tons of protein and awesome energizing carbs. Even a little *gasp* chocolate!!
I haven’t talked *too* much about my food lately, so the next post I will delve into that a little bit.
So, what do you do when you feel like you really SUCKED at the gym?
It sucked.
I felt weak and tired.
Well, yeah. I beat the crap out of myself on Saturday!
I pushed. I gave it my all. Everything I HAD.
But there just wasn’t as much to give.
So what do you do when this happens? And – it’s inevitable that it will at some point.
You give yourself a freaking BREAK.
I had to just move on from that feeling of “failure”.
So, my pull-ups felt REALLY hard. I still did them.
My back squat form broke on my final rep of my set of #115. I still did them.
I had to drop-set on my dumb-bell shoulder press from #30 to #25 on my last set.
I still moved up to #30 this week – even if it was only for 2 of the 3 sets
I DID struggle through my single arm rows, which I am now at #45 with (proud!) But I finished my sets with those really f’in heavy DB’s.
The MET-CON was really tough, but doable. I pushed through it. I tried to take moves up to the next level, even just for ½ of the interval.
Overall, I know this workout didn’t “Suck”. I mean, the only workout you regret is the one you didn’t do, right? Right. But still. I love the feeling of empowerment I have normally when I leave the studio, and I just didn’t feel that yesterday.
So now what?
Well, I go back today, and I work as hard as I possibly can, and I continue to move forward. I push for the next level, and then I take 1-2 days to rest. I also eat a lot of good food. Tons of protein and awesome energizing carbs. Even a little *gasp* chocolate!!
I haven’t talked *too* much about my food lately, so the next post I will delve into that a little bit.
So, what do you do when you feel like you really SUCKED at the gym?
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