Self Care

As someone who spent a long time wallowing in my binge eating disorder and being really overweight, I have found I have a very skewed view of what "self-care" is. To me, at first thought, self-care is doing what makes you happy. And if you had asked the old me what made me happy, it was food. It was laying on the couch, with pizza and ice cream, soda and chocolate, eating away. And it DID make me happy - for those few, very fleeting moments. That, however, is NOT self care. Self care is the big picture - the overall life satisfaction. Ask the old me about life satisfaction? I think you know what my answer would have been - I was miserable.
Now, dealing with self care is a very different scenario. It means sometimes pushing myself to do things I don't feel like doing, to benefit me in the big picture - in my life as a whole. So, I exercise when I'm tired. I portion out food and plan ahead. I say no to extra, empty calories. I do it for weight loss, and for fitness. To be strong, healthy. These things make me happy everyday. Being fat made me miserable everyday. Seems simple, right?
But, I'll tell you. When things aren't working the way they are supposed to, it is extremely frustrating. But, even though my weight has not budged, I am not going to bail. I am not going to stray from my plan. I have to stick with my true self care.

That will include cardio tonight, even though I'm tired. It included a big salad for dinner, instead of something that will make me feel sick and guilty. It must begin to include not obsessively weighing myself and allowing it to effect me day, or longer. It's getting a little better - but I may ask the hubs to hide the scale. I've done this before, and it was just what I needed to break the habit of stepping on it everytime I am near it (yes, everytime - this could equal 3-4 per day)
So, I ask myself - what does Self Care really mean to me?
- eating healthy, yummy food when I am hungry
- moving my body in structured exercise and in everyday life
- getting rest
- spending time with my wonderful family, especially my boys
- church
- feeling secure and safe
- keeping my living area tidy and more serene (need to work on this one!)
- feeling productive, and like I am doing something worth something with my life

These are just some things I was thinking of. Notice, no where on that list, is there chocolate or ice cream. Hm. Go figure.