What I Want.

I was reading a blog I really adore yesterday and it struck a chord...

Go check out The FitFat Girl over at wordpress... It's ok, I'll wait.

Her latest entry asked a question. What Do You Want?

It not only asked the question, but it demanded an answer. Not some half-assed, pithy answer like "A decent job that pays me okay", but something better, bigger, bolder.

What Do You Want? Clearly and Specifically.

It can be a hard question to truly answer. Sometimes those answers scare us. We don't want to say them out loud, because then they really exist in the universe. Making our goals known? Putting ourselves out there?

Well then - aren't we just setting ourselves up for failure?
Then someone can call us out where we aren't doing the things that move us toward what we want...
People will know if we are slacking...
Damn.

No wonder we want to keep our goals and dreams inside.

But here is the truth. Until we can own what we truly want in life, we cannot achieve it. Because until you put it out there, with a plan of action, nothing will really get done.

It's just a dream till you make a plan. Then it's a goal. Once you have that plan, the goal is practically yours. All you have to do is put in the work.

And if you don't make it? If you "fall short"? Well, maybe you don't want it bad enough. Or, maybe you need to revisit that goal. Tweek your plan. BUT. Don't let the "tweeking the plan" become an excuse. I've read quite a few blogs who mistake true "tweeking" of a plan to mean "going off the deep end, but it's ok because I am learning and tweeking my plan"

I know this post sounds jumbled and crazy. Forgive. I've been thinking a lot about and working toward a very specific goal. I haven't really spelled it out here, or anywhere else really, because I had fear. Fear of being judged. Fear of being told I "can't" or "shouldn't".

I'm tired of it.

Many of you know I am in school to become a Registered Dietitian. This is a slow process, and I wish I could be in school full time so I could almost be done by now, but it's not possible. So, this is what I want from this education:

I want to be the owner of a weight loss center. I am developing material that is based on "clean" whole food eating. I am going to work with adults, teens, kids and families. I am creating workbooks individually taylored to each person. I am compiling a cookbook. I am creating a website.

I realized that, although this degree will give me the credentials, I already have much of the knowledge through research and study, and frankly, trial and error. I KNOW I have found a plan that CAN work for many people. Eating whole, clean, healthy, nutritious foods can ONLY be beneficial for people.

So, there it is. My fear is that someone who has followed this blog will think that I struggle too much to be helping people do what I am doing. I fear those thoughts from others, because I am afraid that it's true. I've been told many, many times that I should be helping people NOW (thus, the reason all of the materials are being developed now). But, what would someone think, walking into a consult with me - this overweight woman telling them what to eat? Sure, I could show them the pictures, I could tell them the history... but the first impression is what it is...

Once again, I'm sorry this is jumbled and such. I just had to get it all out. If any of you are still reading to this point, bless your heart.

Here I am. Open, vulnerable. It's done now. Feels kinda good... but of course, I haven't clicked publish yet.... here we go....