A loooong post, renewed strategy

This is going to be a long one, my friends.

Ok. Yesterday, I slide about halfway down my mountain. Not just with food, but with my exercise, and even with the rest of my life.

I made the decision, yes, the conscious decision, to eat whatever I wanted. Inner Fat Girl HAPPILY took over and ran amuck.

I don't need to go into the disgusting details. Let's just say it involved quite a bit of dark chocolate, pizza for dinner, and a cupcake from Sugar Bakery.

In my (very, very weak) defense: I still ate my salad I packed for lunch, got lots of veggies in, and I (gulp) tracked it all.

Not only did I eat like a moron, but I skipped the gym. Not only did I skip the gym, I skipped my class.

I went home, ate pizza and a cupcake with my kids, and spent the evening playing with them on the floor. Crawling around the floor, chasing a 4 year old and 18 month old playing "tickle monster" must work off SOME of that pizza right? ;-)

I am NOT defending myself against the deadly garbage I put into my body. But, it could have been a TON worse, and in some ways, it was just what I needed. Or rather, it lead me to exactly what I needed, which was time home with my family, playing. Not worried about work, class, food, exercise, dishes, a torn apart bathroom... just being in the moment, savoring every moment of my boys laughter.

And don't worry - after consuming that cupcake, I knew I was in trouble. It sat light a rock in my tummy and then came the pain... ohhh the pain. The pain of my poor body screaming "What the f*&^ are you doing to me???"

I'm truly sorry, body!

Lesson learned.

I ended the evening with a meditation (after watching the Biggest Loser. More on that later) and slept well. No children up during the night, which is practically a miracle.

In the midst of my madness, I was hatching a plan. A new plan. Yes, I know... it seems like every other blog post I am changing things. Well, I guess I am still figuring out what is working for me. I did the protein only thing (which worked after surgery!) and it worked for a little bit.

Now, maybe my portions started creeping, I'm honestly not sure, but for whatever reason, it's not working anymore. This is an obvious conclusion for my gains the past few weeks.

So, here we go. Changing the plan.

1. Measuring and weighing EVERYTHING. Assumptions do not work. Just when you *think* you know what a portion size is, just check yourself. You will likely be surprised.
2. Tracking Everything. I got away from this because of some mental things. The facts don't lie. Calories in/out is the end all, be all of weight loss. Yes, there are some metabolic issues at play, but not enough for the majority of people to make it work. After all, that is the purpose of weight loss surgery. It makes your stomach smaller so you cannot eat as much, therefore cutting your calorie consumption. Yes, other effects (Dumping syndrome, reduction in Ghrelin) also play a role, but the majority is a calorie deficit goal.
3. Reducing (slightly) my protein intake, reducing fat, upping my whole grains. Now, when I say whole grains, I'm not talking about the "Whole Grains" that the cereal companies use in their Lucky Charms and Cinnamon Toast Crunch. No, I'm talking bringing back beans and legumes, and high fiber carbohydrates, like starchy veggies and whole oats.
4. My calories will be kept between 1200 - 1500. Today, for example, I have 1226 calories with me (it's my long day and I won't be home till after 8:00). I planned for 1200, and gave myself wiggle room so if, when I get home I am starving; I have a few more calories to play with.
5. Make my exercise schedule with real life in mind, and stick to it.
6. Work on non "weight-loss" items in my life, such as my stress level. Begin to include meditations, prayer and quiet time often through the day/week.
7. Begin to go to bed (to SLEEP, not WATCH TV) earlier. I need more rest, without a doubt.
8. Work on my terrible habit of ripping skin off my fingers. I know, it's pretty much as gross as it sounds. My skin is super dry and I absently pick at it through the day. The result is very painful fingers. It's a habit I have had for as long as I can remember.

I know this post is already super long, but it's important to me to put all this down. I need to work on my overall person, and not *just* my weight.

I will post more later, including my menu for the day, which is already tracked on MyPlate at Livestrong, and my bitch session about the Biggest Loser.

I may change my strategy, but I will NEVER quit. I will NEVER give up. We are fighting for our lives here, guys! We MUST fight on.