169, and Happy Birthday

My son, Thing 1, is 5 years old today.

I can't believe how fast the time has gone.

In a way, I have him to thank for my surgery and losing 165(ish) lbs.

After I had him, I had post partem depression. I was out of work, I was home with a baby I felt I didn't know how to care for, I was depressed, and I ate. A lot.

But then, when I started realizing that I was already having trouble carrying him up the stairs, and he was only around 8 months old. It scared me. I was 365 lbs, and I was not going to survive to see this baby grow up.

So, my decision to have surgery was heavily influenced by this little baby.

And now, he's 5 years old. A little man. He has such a big personality - truly his own person!

I love him more than life itself.

Happy, Happy Birthday to my little honey.

I got up this morning SO excited to sing him Happy Birthday, and I couldn't wait for him to get up, becasue I just KNEW he would be a bundle of joy.

I was SO wrong.

He got up on the wrong side of the bed. "I don't wanna go to school, I don't wanna get up, I don't wanna wait till afternoon snack to have my birthday cupcakes, no,no,no,no..." it went on and on. It didn't take long till I was in tears. This is a typical 5 year old way to behave, and it's not anything new for Josh, of course, but I was devistated. Why?

I thought about it a lot on my long, traffic filled drive to work. It's because I was projecting. Let me explain.

Normal readers might remember that last Saturday was my birthday. Last Saturday was also our crazy-trip-extravaganza-Thing-1-Birthday-Present day. The next day was Easter. My birthday got really, really lost in all that shuffle. I know that sounds incredibly selfish, but I was sad. I pushed it off, because we were celebrating Thing One's birthday (the trip was his present). But as the day, and weekend went on, I began to notice just how  lost it was.

My best friend of 34 years forgot. He texted the next day to wish the family a Happy Easter.

My cousins, whom I consider sisters, forgot. Even when I saw them the next day for Easter - no one mentioned it.

I got lots of Facebook love, which was really nice... but not the same.

During the day last Saturday, I checked my facebook page, and mentioned to my hubby "Wow, I have a lot of posts on my facebook wall"

And he said "Why?"

Now, don't get me wrong - he and the kids brought a little gift for me, that I opened at 6:00am on Saturday morning (after getting poked in the eye - "Mama, it's UP time!") But by 6:05am, it was gone. Over. Done.

It all sounds SO selfish when I write it out, but it's how I feel. I think birthdays are so special, and need to be really, truly celebrated. I try to go out of my way for others birthdays.... and I just felt very unimportant.
So, I was projecting all of this anticipation and excitment  (enough for both Thing 1 and I) on Thing 1 this morning, who just happened to wake up cranky. I was not being fair to him either.

As a note, he was totally fine by the time we got to school, his normal happy self. And now the teachers will have to deal with the waiting-for-cupcakes-till-afternoon-is-torture spiel.

That's all I have for now. Processing it all... working on pulling up my big girl panties and getting over it.