Recovering

Monday, and I am continuously recovering.

Seriously, I am feeling better. Admittedly, I have been put back on my anti-anxiety medication. I have an appointment to see my doc 10/16.

I really hate taking pills. But, I think it's a combo of them and a lot of rest that has gotten me to this point now. I can move through the day without sheer exhaustion and without feeling as though I am on the verge of tears.

I have been reflecting on the Rugged Maniac. I think I am starting to realize what a feat it was to accomplish. I also think the depression aspect was similar to the let-down experienced after any significant event. Sometimes people feel it after weddings, or a big holiday. There is so much that goes into preparing for something like this - I think I almost felt like... "wait, that's it? It's done?"

Anyway, I'm tired of talking about feeling down, and I am sure you are tired reading about it. So, let's move on, shall we?

I am setting new goals, and looking for new events to train for. I'm note sure if/when I will do an obstacle 5K again, but I need things to work toward. I think they next will be a 5K. There is one in a neighboring town in a few weeks, and then a Thanksgiving Day one that's right in my town. My hubby might even do that one with me.

Another goal is my box jumps. We do box jumps on Rogue boxes:


and for those of us who cannot quite make this height yet, we use steps:


Adding platforms to each side as you get stronger. I was using the step on Saturday, with 5 platforms underneath. As I was working it, Krista came by and added another as she said "You have plenty of clearance. Go for it". Anyone who does box jumps can tell you there is no room for fear, or even thought. There is just sheer, mad momentum propelling you to the top of that box. Well, I want more. I want higher. I want to jump rogue boxes. I'm probably a good 5 inches away from jumping the shortest side of the rogue. But I'm gonna make it my bitch this winter. She will be mine.

Yes, I have weight goal. I got on the scale this morning and it showed me what-for after a week of not-giving-a-shit about what I ate. The 5 lb gain it showed me is KIND in comparison to what I likely deserve. But, it is what it is. I made decisions (yes, I made decisions. Even by the act of not caring or feeling the way I did, I was making my own choices) and now I deal with them.

The plan: tons of water, which I was seriously lacking all week, log every bite, clean things up. I never claimed to be perfect. I never WILL be perfect, but I WILL try my hardest right now, at this moment.

Eats for today:

BB: Pumpkin coffee, 1 tbs sugar free pumpkin syrup
B: ½ cup quinoa, 1 serving almond butter, 1 apple (from the orchard, picked by my little ones hands this weekend. Awesome)
S: 1 scoop Click protein, ½ cup almond milk, water, ice
L: 1 cup chicken chili (made at home. Super good) ¼ cup quinoa, 2 oz Cabot 75%
S: ½ cup lowfat cottage cheese, 1 apple
D: ½ sweet potato, 1 cup steamed broccoli, salsa

Yeah, you’re going to see a lot of apples, since we went apple picking this weekend. I don’t mind. I love them, and my kids had a BALL out in the orchard, in the pouring rain (yup) picking apples, eating them as they went, filling up their bags. We got pumpkins and gourds and decorated for Halloween yesterday evening. It was a really good weekend. I even took a NAP. Can you STAND it?? I can’t. Of course, the housework suffered, but I just can’t care right now. I needed some rest. And I finally took it.

Yesterday was the Out of the Darkness Suicide Prevention Walk.

 
I went with my mom, aunt and cousin, and I took Thing1 along. It’s hard. And I don’t think it will matter how much time goes by, it will continue to be hard. We walked our 5K… even Thing 1 was such a trooper – walking almost the whole thing without needing a break. I carried him at one point for about 5 minutes, but then he was good to walk on his own again. He was very good company and kept me from getting too emotional. I definitely was hugging and lovin’ on him more than normal in light of the circumstances. I pray he never has to feel the pain of depression. He is effected by the loss of Brian, but thankfully not to a big extent.

Alright, this post is already way too long, so I am going to wrap it up. I promise to be back more often now so updates are shorter. lol.

Keep moving forward… I know I always will…