I've lost 185lbs, and then gained some back.
But I'm kicking ass and striving for my ultimate goal: A 200 lb loss.
Working all mental, physical and emotional aspects of being healthy, happy and fit. You'll see my ups and downs here, because I'm proud to be imperfect!
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
I’m looking back on the the year and I am thinking about how much has changed. Most of it is for the
better. I had my surgery this year; I’ve also fluctuated in weight this year. I
have learned (even more so than before) that I can’t trust people so easily. I
started lifting heavy this year. I’ve begun to really unravel my disordered
eating, making some really big strides in my stress and anxiety level regarding
food. I have had 2 more successful semesters at school, and I will be honored
to have a case study I worked on this semester submitted as student work to the
Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics.
This time of year is especially full of diet dogma. It’s all
over. Every “diet” is “THE ONE”. The miracle that everyone is seeking. Most of
it has to do an awful lot with being really hungry, ignoring your own body’s
cues and needs, and then shaming yourself when you “fail”.
I don’t advertise for any particular way of eating. Eyes on
your own plate and to each his own, etc. I just know that for ME – I was tired
of “failing”. It took me a long time to realize I wasn’t failing, I just wasn’t
being MYSELF. I was trying to be someone else. Follow someone else’s “rules”,
in order to be “perfect”.
Fuck that. I am SO NOT perfect.
And now, finally, I am working super hard to be HAPPY with
It’s SUCH a learning curve to actually start LISTENING to my
body, instead of ignoring it and trying to stuff it into a mold it didn’t want
to go into.
Now, I’m finding my very own mold J
For the first New Years in I don’t know HOW long, I could
care less about what I eat tonight. And that doesn’t mean I am going to gorge
on a bunch of food. I mean it in that I don’t NEED to do that, because I am not
starting a “diet” on 1/1/14. I’m gonna eat for my bodies needs, go lift some
heavy shit, get in some heart-pounding metabolic (like normal) and move on with
This is not an easy way to be. I still want to eat when I am
bored, sad, mad… So I am still figuring out what to do in those situations. I
will always be a work in progress. But that’s how God made me.
Happy New Year, everyone. I wish you happiness and Peace.