Tuesday, December 31, 2013

NYE 2013

I’m looking back on the the year and I am thinking about how much has changed. Most of it is for the
better. I had my surgery this year; I’ve also fluctuated in weight this year. I
have learned (even more so than before) that I can’t trust people so easily. I
started lifting heavy this year. I’ve begun to really unravel my disordered
eating, making some really big strides in my stress and anxiety level regarding
food. I have had 2 more successful semesters at school, and I will be honored
to have a case study I worked on this semester submitted as student work to the
Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics.

This time of year is especially full of diet dogma. It’s all
over. Every “diet” is “THE ONE”. The miracle that everyone is seeking. Most of
it has to do an awful lot with being really hungry, ignoring your own body’s
cues and needs, and then shaming yourself when you “fail”.

I don’t advertise for any particular way of eating. Eyes on
your own plate and to each his own, etc. I just know that for ME – I was tired
of “failing”. It took me a long time to realize I wasn’t failing, I just wasn’t
being MYSELF. I was trying to be someone else. Follow someone else’s “rules”,
in order to be “perfect”.

Fuck that. I am SO NOT perfect.

And now, finally, I am working super hard to be HAPPY with

It’s SUCH a learning curve to actually start LISTENING to my
body, instead of ignoring it and trying to stuff it into a mold it didn’t want
to go into.

Now, I’m finding my very own mold J

For the first New Years in I don’t know HOW long, I could
care less about what I eat tonight. And that doesn’t mean I am going to gorge
on a bunch of food. I mean it in that I don’t NEED to do that, because I am not
starting a “diet” on 1/1/14. I’m gonna eat for my bodies needs, go lift some
heavy shit, get in some heart-pounding metabolic (like normal) and move on with
my life.

This is not an easy way to be. I still want to eat when I am
bored, sad, mad… So I am still figuring out what to do in those situations. I
will always be a work in progress. But that’s how God made me.

Happy New Year, everyone. I wish you happiness and Peace.


  1. I think for the first time in 7 years, my "new year's resolution" doesn't include some kind of diet, and it is beyond freeing feeling. I love your "eyes on your own plate" thoughts. People love to tell you what worked for them, and tell you, you should be doing that too....but that's crap.

    I hope you have a beyond blessed 2014! Happy New Year!

  2. Hi Kelliann, I think you're doing awesomely. Many random bumps in your road, but that's because you have little kids! Other than that, considerably smooth and ever forward! I totally agree about dieting. People do *exactly* what can never work--eating things a person hates and resents. A person does not need to be perfect to be healthy. You'll probably be so good at your future profession because--the worst health advice is the ideal sort of advice that nobody can handle doing. :D

  3. you are so right about following what is right for you -- we are all such different people, when people have found success they assume that plan will work for someone else -- I have a friend who gains weight easily when she eats meats...she's gone Vegan and does really well, I do much better w/ no refined carbs and high lean proteins, fruits and veggies -- I think we just find what makes us tick and good for you for figuring that part of the equation out!