Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Honesty.... such a lonely word...

TWO posts from me today? You lucky ducks... Anyone get the Bill Joel reference from the title? YOU WIN A PRIZE! Just kidding. You're just cool.

Just ate Meal 3, downing my water like a good girl. Feeling the need to move and get my heart rate up today, so I've taken to doing pushups and squats anytime I go to the ladies room, or go down the hall to get water. So far I have done 45 of each. At least it's something. If I am still feeling antsy at 8:30 when I get home, I'll get in a quick 25-30 minutes.

Tonight, the hubby will be working on cleaning up our family room more. I want to use more of the space for some home gym equipment. I want to add more weights, a single TRX-type device for the door, and I really want a plyo box for work on box jumps. I saw an adjustable one that goes from 16" up to 24"
I'd love a pull - up bar, but I don't have a good doorway to install it... Will have to keep thinking about that one.

I've chatted with hubby about our challenge "menu", and we have decided that we don't miss anything so much that we want to or care to change it up much once the challenge is "done". I mean, when you love your food, it tastes good, it fuels your body, you aren't hungry... what's not to love? YES, it takes time and effort, but everything that is worth something is going to require time and effort.

Tomorrow I will go to Group Power. Last week we did pushups on the bar, which was a huge core challenge for me. I am focusing on my form for those. Even if I can get ONE with perfect form, on toes, I will count it as a win. THEN, I'll go for TWO...

So, tonight, I will do a big salad with some shrimp for Meal 4. Hopefully I can talk hubby into starting the veggie chopping before I get home, so I can just eat when I get in. I gotta up my veggies for my during-the-day meals.

NO EXCUSES, guys. Everyone has struggles. I STRUGGLE and I TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT. Because I am imperfectly HUMAN. But just be HONEST about it. I guess honesty takes a back-seat when you are getting paid to be "motivational". That's why I'll never have sponsors, or post anything on here that I don't believe in - period. I've been e-mailed by companies offering me things to post ads for them. Nah, not interesting is hocking your shakes, fake foods, or magic pills.

Number 2 is the most important one.

I'm off to get in 15 more push-ups and squats.

*Hopping off soap box*

Peace Everyone

It never fails...

It never fails that when I have a bad day and vent here, on my PERSONAL blog, that I lose a follower.

It. Never.Fails.

Let me re-iterate. This is a blog that is my personal life. It's not ALWAYS about getting/being fit, losing weight etc. I don't get paid, or advertise on here. I do this for ME. Sometimes I have a sucky day, and instead of eating my face off to compensate, I come here and bitch.

Don't like it? Fine, be gone.

Moving on.

2 more weeks of school. It can't come soon enough. I can't wait, wait, wait to get back to my regular workout schedule. I know, I know, I've said it before. But I am saying it again. The light is at the end of the tunnel and I can

I didn't make it to the meeting again last night. I am trying really hard not to feel guilty about it, but the rest of the committee is not making that easy. I know I need to be at meetings, but I am also the only one on the committee who is balancing work, school, church choir, and 2 kids. Not to mention all the household things and exercise.

Ok, I'll quit my bitchin' - for now. :-)

Fuel for today:
Coffee - yes, coffee
Meal 1: Quiche
Meal 2: Chicken and quinoa - seriously lacking veggies here
Meal 3: Paleo, clean muffins with 2 tbs PB
Meal 4: Home, after 8:30. No idea, right now.

That's it for now, folks. Have a great day.

Monday, April 29, 2013

My sexy consolation

My only consolation from today is looking at these pics. Tried on dresses for our vow renewal and taking a dress off the rack to try it on is the best fucking feeling ever. Plus, I look totally hot.


WARNING: This post has NOTHING to do with weight and EVERYTHING about me bitching at the world.
Some days I want to run away. Run so far and so fast that the issues could never find me.

It started last night, when I felt like the shittiest mama in the world, because I had actually (GASP) ENJOYED some time away from my kids. But boy, did they let me have it once we all got home. Melt downs, screaming, whining. And the thought crossed my mind:

"I wish they were back at Mimi's (my mom's house). Obviously they like it there better." They had been very, very good at Mimi's. So, I guess they just don't want to be around me.

Yup. Shitty mom central over here.

Today has been an awful, terrible day at work. Now I have to go listen to a professor drone on for 2 hours, and then try desperately to make it to the last 45 minutes of a meeting that I will be lost in, because I have to miss the first 45 minutes.


I've mentioned moving to Seattle before. My brother and his family live there, love it. I miss them. Sometimes picking up and moving sounds so amazingly perfect. A new start. Then, other times it's just terrifying. When the hubs and I first talked about it, we were really excited. Called our realtor and she gave us the bad news: We would never be able to sell our condo without a loss in that market (about 1.5 years ago). There was no way we could afford to take a loss, so we had to settle back down, concentrate on updating the condo, with hopes we could sell it in a year or two.

Except now hubby is NOT excited about it. As a matter of fact, he doesn't want to move at all anymore, unless it's to a house in our current town.


Not that I am totally convinced either, but I was casually checking one of the hospital's in Seattle for job postings, and I saw a job that would be freaking PERFECT for me. It was calling for me. BEGGING for me. I thought it was a sign. But, no. It's no sign. Hubby put a kabash on that right away.

I'm just tired. Tired of my schedule. Tired of working hard for patients who have no respect or courtesy for me what-so-ever. Tired of doing work two and three times, over and over and over. Tired of hoping and wishing and dreaming. Sometimes shit just doesn't go how your dream it's going to.

I'm so done. Yet I can't be done.

I have no more words.

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Iron WOman!

Just a very short post to share a victory.

I have done the Iron Woman workout at Bodyology a number of times. I mentioned in my last post that I have never actually completed all three rounds in one workout.

Today, my friends, that all changed.

I pushed and pushed and finished all three rounds of this bad ass workout. I felt amazing! This is a pic of the workout we did.

Peace, all! Get some sweat in this weekend!!

Friday, April 26, 2013

bathing suits and dresses...

This is the time of year where you see tiny swimsuits lining the front of stores, and magazines promise you a "bikini body in 4 weeks".

Anyone who knows anything knows that's bullshit.

But there is more.

Unless you have said "bikini body" well, you better hide out in a mu-mu, cause you don't deserve to live, never mind wear a swimsuit.

One of the things that made me happy about having my arms done was that I was going to feel more comfortable in a bathing suit. Well, now instead of my focus of disgust being on my arms, it's on my legs.

"There is NO WAY you can wear a swimsuit with your legs jiggling like that. You'll have to find a pair of shorts or something to cover them up in..."

This is what I said to myself.

 You know what? SCREW THAT.

Yup, I have big, jiggly legs. I also love to swim, and my kids LOVE to be in the water. So, I'm going to deny myself, and them something we love to do because, even after 185 lbs lost, I have some JIGGLE??

No. F'in. Way.

Ok. That's all I have to say about that. For now, anyway.

I'm still a little sore from Group Power on Wednesday. It was great to be back there and pushing myself. "Live in the burn" "Love the burn" - I say these things to myself when I want to stop. Then I keep going.

Tonight will be a quickie at the gym, body weight exercises and a little TRX. 20-30 minutes, tops.

IronWOman at Bodyology tomorrow. This workout is my nemesis, in the way that it kicks my ass over and over everytime. The first time I did it, I cried during the cardio. I shit you not. I didn't cry in a whiney-I-don't-wanna kind of way, I cried out of frustration that I couldn't do burpees fast enough, and I was pushing so hard, and would still not finish my set. This workout is structured differently than some others. There are 3 stations set up, metabolic (cardio), TRX, and strength. You have 10 minutes to complete each station. Ususally I can just about finish my TRX station, metabolic is iffy, and strength is about 1/2 and 1/2... I try to start with cardio, because it's my weakness, and if I save it to the end, I'm totally sunk. I may try a different strategy tomorrow, though... strength, cardio, then TRX? Hmmm....

Yesterday was Day 2 of pushing myself out of my comfort zone with my wardrobe. I wore a dress, size medium, to work. I wasn't going to put on the leggings (talk about OUT of my comfort zone!) but it was SO chilly, I had to.

I was nervous, but I felt good in it!! (except for the shoes, which rubbed my feet raw. Yeah, those are getting donated)

Fuel today:
Meal 1: quiche (this stuff is so good and I am not hungry till lunch)
Meal 2: 1/2 sweet potato, black bean/peppers/pineapple mix, spaghetti squash bake, banana
Meal 3: 1 slice Ezekiel, PB
Meal 4: Salad with grilled something. Or, I may be able to talk hubby into spicy shrimp. :-)

Today there is an "Administrative Professionals Appreciation Luncheon" that our department is giving to all of us. I have no idea what will be there. I will eat my lunch before, and if there is salad, I will have a little of that. If not, I'll sit happily with my water, and be prepared for the barage of "WHY aren't you EATING??"

Peace, everyone.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Big hunger, more victories

It's hump day, and I have nothing nearly as exciting as yesterday to say, but here I am anyway!

Tomorrow it's 3 years since my cousin took his life. I can't believe 3 years have passed already. I'm still angry and I still ask him why.

The big questions still linger because NO ONE knew. NO ONE knew he was depressed. NO ONE knew how dark things had gotten for him.

He wouldn't let anyone help him. He had a family who loved him so much. We would have done anything for him.

Why didn't he let us help him? Did I not tell him enough that I loved him? That I was there for him?

*sigh* unanswerable questions.

What I DO know is that if you love someone, let them know. If you are blessed by someone, let them know. Don't let an opportunity pass to give someone a smile, hug or tell them you love them and that you are there for them.

You never know when it could make a difference in someones life. It will certainly make a difference in YOUR life.

Ok, back to the task at hand -

Fuel today:
Meal 1: Quiche, coffee
Meal 1 1/2: 1 slice Ezekiel with 1 tb pb
Meal 2: spaghetti squash/peppers/tomatoes, chicken sausage, banana
Meal 3: clean muffins, PB
Meal 4: uhhhhh.... probably big salad with black beans and salsa

Lots of water

I am VERY hungry today... and I will likely be MORE hungry after the gym tonight. Group Power is at 5:45, and it will be my first time back to this class since my surgery. As soon as school is done ( 2 weeks, plus finals!) I will be able to get back into a more normalized exercise routine. I hate working out Saturday, Sunday, and then missing Monday and Tuesday. Workout Wednesday, miss Thursday... etc. I love my summers if for no other reason, I can breath and make things a little more to my liking, schedule wise. No school (well, ok, except the online class I am doing), no choir... just my kids, the gym, and 1 committee. Oh, and work... and theater company... ok. Never mind about the breathing room.

One little victory. I am wearing a top to work today that was previously a little too snug to be comfortable to wear. It's also a little more "out there" than what I would normally wear. I knew it would get attention, and that really scared me. I'm still the fat-girl-trying-to-hide-from-everyone on the inside sometimes. I woke up this morning and the first thing I thought was "I am NOT wearing that top today". But I made myself put it on. You know I don't like to compliment myself, but damn, it looks really good. I've gotten tons of compliments, especially of the "holy crap, look how tiny your waist is!" variety. It makes me blush. It makes me want to say "but, I still need to..." But I smiled. I thanked them profusely. Trying not to think of how much I still have to/want to do. I even snuck into the bathroom for a pic to show you...

Have a wonderful day guys. As always, one step at a time. Peace

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

A serious before and after - PICS


Thanks for the comments left on my PIC. I am pretty damn proud of what I have accomplished, and I am looking forward to accomplishing much more as I move forward.

When I got the corset in the mail last night, I was so excited. I opened it up, looked at how small it was and felt a little deflated. Hubby convinced me to "just try it"... "Then you can see your progress even more when it fits in the fall" he said.

Ok, sounds like a plan.

I got in it, and he keeps pulling in the laces, saying "I don't want to hurt you!" I assured him he wasn't, and it felt very comfortable. When he was done, he said "woh"... I asked how much space was gaping in the back and he told me there was NO gap, that I was totally laced and covered. When I saw myself in the mirror, I teared up. I could NOT believe that was ME.

So, of course we had to take a picture!

When I look back at my progress, it has certainly been filled with bumps, bruises and total wipe-outs. But here I am, still working. I will always work toward my better self, no matter what that involves. I will never NOT be a food and sugar addict, so this "battle" is just everyday life. Sometimes I will find it exhausting, sometimes I will find it empowering. I will fall off the horse, but I will always, ALWAYS get back on.

That is how you go from this:

Me: Before. TO THIS: 

I can't really call this most recent picture my "after" because I'm not done. It's not about the scale, it's about health and strength. Someone recently asked me what I was "training for now". I laughed and said "My kids!" and it's true! But I'm also training for life. I want my body to be a strong machine that can do anything. I want my mind to understand that I can accomplish anything I truly commit to. Anyone can.

Briefly, fuel for today:
Meal 1: Queche
Meal 2: spaghetti squash bake, 4 oz chicken, banana
Meal 3: Clean muffins, 2 tbs PB
Meal 4: Large salad with Mexican black beans and pineapple, good seasons dressing.

It's my super late night tonight. I won't be home till 9:30. Tomorrow is work, and then finally going back to Group Power. I'm excited to get back to classes at the gym! WOOT!

Love and Peace to you all.

"Little" successes

This happened last night. Yep. That's me in my new 28" "goal" corset I got on super low clearance that I thought I would work for wearing to the renaissance faires. it was my goal for fall. And this bitch fits me NOW.
Insert happy dance here.
Be back later...

Monday, April 22, 2013


Happy Monday!

Had a great day with the family on Friday - I gave you a little pic sneak peak in my last post. 
The weekend was pretty "unremarkable" - except that I got in 2 kick ass workouts - one of which I dragged my hubby through. I created a tabata to do at the gym on Saturday. I knew it was good when, by round 3, I REALLY wanted to stop. My hubby did too. But we pushed through 5 rounds.
The second was our "fit test #2" at Bodyology, mid-challenge. Here is the 2 week difference, separated by the slash / mark
Burpees in 20: 8(4 were walked out instead of jumped)/8(all jumped) *
Burpees in 40: 13/14 *
Jam balls in 20: 11/11
Jam balls in 40: 21/21
Seated band rows in 1:00: 25/36 **
Air squats in 1:00 : 37/38 *
Pushups in 1:00: on box 15/16 *
Max push press:
20 x 5/20 x 5
25 x 3/25 x 5 *
(None)/30 x 5 **
Yes, I ** all the improvements. That's in 2 weeks, folks. I am pretty damn proud - especially 6 weeks out from surgery.
After this we did some tabata and ended with some partner kickboxing. It was awesome.
My eating was great - we packed food for our outing on Friday, and by-passed all the crap up at the aquarium and village. I was very proud of us.  
I am counting down until the semester is over - I have 3 week of class left INCLUDING this week. *Whew* Home stretch, baby.
I cooked up a STORM yesterday!! Fuel for today: 
Meal 1 (8:00) : large slice of clean quiche
Meal 2 (12:30) : spicy shrimp, veggies and 1/2 cup quinoa, banana
Meal 3 3:30/4:00) : Clean/Paleo "muffins" with 2 TBS natural PB - these are great "on the go". It was adapted for our challenge from a paleo recipe (I don't eat paleo, but they do have some good sounding recipes!) I didn't do the adapting, either. I just follow the recipe ideas in my workbook! Ha!
 Meal 4 (7:30/8:00) : Veggie Salad with 4 oz chicken breast and  1/2 cup black bean/onion/corn/rotel/pineapple deliciousness my hubby created last night. I told him I was in the mood for Mexican, and he whipped this up. NO cheese. NO frying anything. Just nutrition. Just fuel. 
Lots of water, a little sparkly, mostly plain.
I'm going to take more pics to compare to the beginning of challenge. I'd like to see if there is any difference at all. I'll share with you when I get to those this week. I am itching to weigh myself, but I've been holding off. I still have swelling in my abdomen and I don't want that to through off anything - you know what happens when I see a number I don't like on the scale, and I've been working hard. I can tell it's still swelling, because it's firm to the touch (unlike in other places, where there is still just fat. Yes, I know the difference)
Brief recap on other things: Thing 2 is doing super well, no more fevers. HOORAY! My mom is back from her vaca in Seattle. I miss her so much when she is away. 
Meh, that's all I really have for you today. I hope you are all well, and doing what you can to be healthy and happy.

Friday, April 19, 2013

My day in pics, and tabata on tap

Here are some pics from our family adventure today. We have to cherish every moment we have. These are the boys waiting for the sea lion show to start, and pics of some beautiful things my hubby picked out for me. The cross is from my Mima, who is passed. But the rings on it each have one of the boys names. I love them.

Avoided all food temptation all day, and I've written out a tabata work out to do at the gym tomorrow. Hubby will join me... If he dares! ( insert evil laugh)

Go out into the world. Live. Be kind. Help a stranger. Tell everyone you love how you feel. And pray for peace.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

That fire, and trust

Thursday, but in MY work world today, it’s my “Friday”, since hubby and I are taking off with the kids and bringing them to an aquarium for a day trip. We are keeping it hush-hush so they will be surprised. I can’t wait to see their little faces! It’s likely going to be a zoo, but we are going to be there right when it opens and hope to avoid the huge rush. Especially with Thing 2, who loves to walk “by myself”. The less we can constrict him, the better our day will be.
I am going home this evening to cook up some bite-sized chicken, and get some veggies and fruit together to bring with us. We will make breakfast and eat in the car on the way. We should be there through lunch, so we need to be prepared. I’m not at all tempted by the food up there, because frankly, it’s gross. It’s like bad carnival food (think greasy hot dogs and cold, greasy fries) so as long as we bring options with us, it’ll be a no-brainer.
Sweated my ass off last night at Annihilator Tabata. My chest was on fire (in a good way) after round 1, and there were 6 rounds. Round 5 is the hardest to push through, mentally, I find. You can get through the first ½ ok, then round 4, you remind yourself you are more than ½ way done, and you are strong, and you can do it. But round 5, you are SO ready to be done, and you know you still have another round ahead of you. That’s when I break out the big guns.
“You have pushed out 2 babies. YOU CAN DO 20 SECONDS OF BURPEES. Yes. Again”
“You have endured so much to get here. You have to keep pushing to go further!”
Things like that… I also pick a person in front of me who is going faster at whatever we are doing and attempt to keep their pace, even just for a few seconds.
Last night hubby surprised me with grilled bison burgers. We almost never eat any kind of red meat, but he bought the organic burgers at a butcher shop near us. I topped mine with hummus and lettuce, and ate it with ½ an Ezekiel roll. That with a big salad and I was really, really full. Awesome little surprise. And, it saves the chicken for tonight. Win-win.
Todays fuel:
2 slices Ezekiel bread, 2 tbs PB, ½ cup blueberries – (LOVE this combo. Who doesn’t love PB&J? And it’s clean!)
34 oz water
1 bison burger (leftover. What can I say, they are tasty) ½ sweet potato, hummus, banana
34 oz water
½ Ezekiel roll with 1 tbs pb, VERY small piece of clean quiche – only if I get hungry…
34 oz water (LIKE A BOSS)
Large veggie salad, 4 oz chicken breast marinated in good seasons dressing.
One thing about eating clean is once you get used to it, you are really quite full on what you eat. Veggies and proteins are very filling. And if you only eat when you are hungry, not necessarily on a schedule, you are trusting your body to tell you when it needs something.
Like right now. My body is telling me I need my lunch. Trusting my body is hard. I really have to STOP and ask myself – am I actually hungry, or do I just want something. Once I can honestly answer the question, I either eat, or I drink some water and busy myself with something else.
Tonight I have church choir, so no formal workout, but I may try to get in some running sprints - If my ass will cooperate after all the squats I did yesterday.
I’m out for now, blogger peeps. Peace, please… let’s all just pray for peace…

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Norway, anyone?

Wednesday – and our nation is under attack.
I’m thinking of moving to Norway. Anyone with me?
I’m not going to spend this blog on the tears and fear that occurred in Boston and resonated around the world. Or talking about how our countries law-makers, including out President, are being attacked via poison in the mail. All a mere 4 months after 26 innocent lives, 20 of which were under the age of 7, we viciously murdered in their classrooms. How can I comment on these things? I am at a loss for all words. It makes no sense to me… I have to just try to work it out in my brain.
I haven’t updated since the little-too-late post on Monday (Which I really wrote on Friday) because blogging simply wasn’t on my agenda when the flood of the news came in. People killed. Adults and children had legs blown off. And the stories that began to emerge of the horror, and the heroism…
When people disappear from blog land the instant thought is that they are “off the wagon”. Well, it couldn’t be any further from the truth for me. I am on Day 9 of my 30 day challenge, and I feel awesome. I’m getting back into my exercise routine and just clinging to my sanity until the end of the semester which is a mere 4 weeks away… The summer, even though I decided to take an online summer course, will have SO much more breathing room. I cannot wait to have more time home with my tribe.
Just for kicks, here is my fuel journal for today:
Day 9
20 oz water
8:00 2 slices Ezekiel, 2tbs pb, blueberries
34 oz water
12:00 spaghetti squash bake, 1.5 black bean burgers
34 oz water
3:00 slice Clean quiche, carrots with hummus
4:30 banana (pre-workout)
20 oz water
TRAIN: Annihilator Tabata
7:00 6 oz grilled chicken, ½ sweet potato, large veggie salad with good seasons
20 oz water
Why yes, yes it IS awesome. Thanks. And if you think otherwise, no offense, but I don’t really care.
I did some running HIIT and did a short strength workout on Saturday, felt good. I stopped when I felt my abdomen start to ache in the stitches area.
I worked out on Sunday at Tuff Girl and I felt pretty good. I wasn’t super sore after, and I didn’t feel like I overdid anything, but I still got a good workout in. I took it a little lighter on the weights, and I have gone down significantly on my one arm push press. I was working with 30# before surgery, and I am down to 20#... That made me sad. BUT – there is plenty of time to get back to where I want to be. And I WILL get there.
So, fitness wise – what’s on the further horizon? Well, there is the 2nd Rugged Maniac I will be taking on in September:
And although it’s a long time away, I want to compete in next year’s “Fit Athalon” Challenge:
So, eating is on track. Exercise is getting back to normal. Now, getting out and making every moment count is a priority. What about you? Have all of the incidences lately changed your outlook on your life?
Peace, bloggers.

Monday, April 15, 2013

6th birthday, and spicy shrimp - Day 5

Yes - this blog was supposed to be posted on Friday. But then I couldn't get the pics in that I wanted, and promptly forgot to hit "publish"... update to come later

Friday afternoon, so no one will likely read this post! Oh the trouble I could get into… MWAHAHAHA!
Nope, I’ll be good.
I didn’t blog yesterday because I was home with Thing 2 again. Another fever, unknown origin. I brought him to the doctor and very pointedly told him I was extremely concerned. He was great. Examined him head to toe, cultured him for strep (again – neg) and then was direct with me: Yes, a fever that is ongoing in a child this age with seemingly no reason can be alarming. It’s the #1 symptom for leukemia. HOWEVER, he stressed, his color is great, he’s behaving normally, and he is having no unusual bruising. He checked from his glands to the bottom of his feet and really did not want to do blood work quite yet. We need to keep very close tabs on his temps, and if this doesn’t stop by Monday, we will start more invasive testing.
Very scary at that point, but the Doc made me comfortable by telling me a few other things: This fever sprung up after 5 straight days with NO fever, meaning it’s not technically continuous. It could truly be that he has had 3 viruses in the last month that have little symptoms other than fever… I suppose that’s true. I am still watching him like a hawk.
I brought him into daycare today. He was “fever free” (only reached 100.5 yesterday) for 24 hours so in he went. I’ve called 3 times (You can say whatever you like, this is my baby and I’m checking on him as much as I want) and the reports have all been wonderful. “back to his old self”, “having a wonderful day” “eating like normal” – this was a big one. He hasn’t eaten for days.
This weekend will be telling. I will take him temp till the cows come home.
Tomorrow is my Thing 1’s 6th birthday! I can’t believe how time has flown, and what a different person I am now, compared to when he was born. He is a little man… *sigh* I can’t believe it. He’s having his first “friend” party and THANK GOD it will only be 1.5 hours. Then we will celebrate the rest of the day away! My little munchkin…

ANYWAY – The challenge is going super well. I was nervous about yesterday, being home and stressed, but I reminded myself to “fuel” and not “eat my stress”. I ate for fuel, I ate when I was hungry. I was very proud.
You guys may be getting tired of the menus but, you’ll get over it. This is today:
April 12, Day 5 30 Day Challenge
Meal 1: small scoop scrambled eggs, 1 slice bacon, ½ cup fruit (employee breakfast)
Meal 2: ½ cups oats, 1/3 cup egg whites, 1 cup mixed berries, 2 tbs pb
34 oz seltzer
Meal 3: 1.5 red peppers with quinoa filling (leftovers), banana
34 oz water
Meal 4: Ezekiel with PB
34 oz water
Meal 5: spicy shrimp, steamed veggies
Tonight I am faced with making cupcakes for the little minions, I mean, children at the party. I WILL NOT eat a cupcake. I WILL NOT lick a spoon. NONE of it will be consumed by yours truly. Not. A. Drop.
Exercise this week has been WEAK. I’ll get back into the swing. I was so scared after last Sunday, I almost canceled my upcoming workout at Bodyology. It’s Sunday afternoon. I still have time to think on it, but I still have it scheduled…
Alright, that’s all I can do for today, kids.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Day 3 - you know how it goes!

Day 3, 30 Day Challenge menu
½ cup tea
Meal 1: ½ cups oats, 2 egg whites, 1 cup strawberries, blueberries, and blackberries mixed, 2 tbs PB (8:00)
20 oz water
34 oz water
Meal 2: hardboiled egg, ½ sweet potato (10:30)
Meal 3: 1-2 slices Ezekiel bread, PB and sliced strawberries (12:00)
34 oz water
Meal 4: chicken sausage, ½ serving squash bake, carrots and hummus (2:00)
Meal 5: roasted stuffed red pepper (quinoa, black beans, corn, salsa), salad with good seasons dressing (around 6:00)
Plain Seltzer

I know this menu looks strikingly similar to yesterday, but I am a creature of habit. I know what I like, so I make it and it’s satisfying. I’m super excited for roasted stuffed peppers for dinner!
Yesterdays menu changed quite a bit by the end of the day. Missed out on Meal 4 even though I was hungry, running to class because I got out of work late… yada, yada. Needless to say I was starving when I got home and ate probably about 4-5 oz of grilled chicken and ½ ear of corn.  Seltzer, bed, ahhhh….
The grilled chicken made yesterday marinated overnight in home prepared good seasons dressing. It was really amazing. My hubby told me he thinks Thing 1 ate half of what we cooked! I was hoping for leftovers today, but NO! LOL, that’s ok though, I’ll just make more.
I’m feeling good here on Day 3. I have almost no headache, but still feeling a little sluggish. I am eating (fueling) when I am truly hungry, and so far today, that has been quite a bit – you can see only 1.5 hours between “meal 2” and “meal 3”. I was so hungry and didn’t want to take my lunch break that early (I like to try and make it around 1 or 2 – makes the rest of the day feel short!)
More water – down the hatch. When I finish this bottle, I will have drunk 88 oz so far, and it’s 12:30 currently. Woohoo for me!
My poster presentation went well last night, but by the end of the 3 hours, my legs were on fire. Insult to injury, I guess. But my legs are feeling better today. I wish I had more opportunity to move during the day, because they feel so much better after I’ve moved a bit.
I’m dying for a workout today. Just something… (I hear you, Drazie, I really do… I am going to be careful!!). Maybe a walk tonight outside, or an easy going video. I need to just get my heart rate up a little and get a little sweat going and I KNOW I’ll feel good about it.
Ok, I’m done blathering on. I hope you are all doing well and doing what is good for you.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Day 2 and a little funny...

Day 2, 30 Day Challenge menu

1.5 cups plain chai tea
Meal 1: ½ cup oats, ½ cup blueberries, 2 egg whites, 2 tbs pb
34 oz water
34 oz water
Meal 2: spaghetti squash bake, 1 chicken sausage, banana
34 oz water – working on this now
Meal 3: hardboiled egg, ½ sweet potato– working on this now
Meal 4: 2 slices Ezekiel bread, 2 tbs pb, 2 sliced strawberries – IF I’m hungry on the way to class.
Meal 5: grilled chicken on salad with red peppers, cucumbers, carrots and good seasons dressing. – When I get home (after 8. *sigh*)
A little plain seltzer water – I love bubbly water.

Yesterdays menu was very similar, but I added a bit more protein today – super, super important.
Woke up with my typical Challenge headache. But, it’s actually ebbing a little today. Tylenol and black tea are very helpful. It’s my body rebelling against the lack of crap. I know I will feel SO good in a few days, so it helps me soldier through.
My children, however, are not so helpful at helping me do ANYTHING except lose my patience and my mind. I won’t go into great detail, but let’s just say it involved permanent marker – in lots of places it shouldn’t be this morning – all before 6:45 AM.
That is all. Grrrr….
My breakfast was the same today as yesterday, and today it held me SO much longer. Eating junk makes you crave more junk and it makes you even hungrier. Even the “day after” eating crappy, if you are eating well, you are still going to feel more hungry than normal.  Today, since yesterday was such a clean eating day, my body is thanking me today by using the food as FUEL.
Go figure, right?
I’m in some pretty big pain from my Sunday workout at Tuff Girl. My legs are killing me, which I don’t care about so much (good hurt, you know), but that little spot where I popped a stitch is VERY sore. I’m not sure if I should bother the doc about it… but I also don’t know where to go from here with my workouts. I really, really want to start sweating again! I felt SOOO good after the workout on Sunday, even though I had regressed. I need a plan that will work me back up to where I was, without hurting myself.
When I started Tuff Girl I didn’t know what a really hard workout was. So, it was a progression that was made naturally. Going back into good, hard work in a progressive manner now is TOUGH. Everyone just keeps saying “why don’t you just start out by going for walks?” but it’s so hard to tone things down so much. A walk is not a workout for me, dammit! I went for a walk on Saturday that turned into a run. And now, being in pain, I feel incapable of even doing THAT.
I’m frustrated. Can you tell? I feel like the 30 day challenge is partly wasted if I can’t get in some good workouts.
Any suggestions on a good, maybe 2 week progression from any of you fitness trainers out there, I would appreciate it. Just to reiterate – 5 weeks out of abdominal surgery and have just recently hurt myself working out. Yeah. I’m a gem. Regardless, right now, I just want my abdomen to stop hurting.
Well, it’s taken me all day to finish this, so I’m going to post. After work is a Health and Wellness Faire and I am displaying my research poster for class. Basically I will be standing there for 3 hours along with about 35 others from the class (all with posters) just in case someone passes by and wants to ask me a question about my research. I really just want to be in bed. LOL
 Peace, bloggers

Monday, April 8, 2013

35 - and Day 1

Monday, day after my birthday. Day 1 of 30 Day Clean Eating Challenge at Tuff Girl. I’m very excited, even though I already have a headache from lack of caffeine. LOL
My birthday was like a normal day, except I got a pedicure. That was nice. I went with my mom. I love hanging out with her, and we don’t get to as often as I would like.
My hubby made me cupcakes from scratch. I won’t go into details, but they were NOT clean, totally amazing and they were worth ever last morsel. The rest of the batch went into work with him this morning. *Whew*
Yesterday was the intro meeting to the challenge. I’m already familiar with the rules, although they have been tweaked a little, I know the premise. I also got to work out. My legs are KILLING me today, but at least it’s for a reason!  We started out with a “fitness test”. We will repeat this “test” in 2 weeks to see how we are progressing. Here are my stats. PLEASE don’t laugh – remember I am 4.5 weeks post op, and I haven’t done a stitch of exercise in 5 weeks.
  *  Burpees in 20 sec: 8
  *  Burpees in 40: 13
  * Jam Ball Slams in 20: 11
  * Jam Ball Slams in 40: 21
  * Pushups in 1:00: 15, on box
  * Squats in 1:00: 37
  *Seated Band rows in 1:00: 25 with purple band (highest resistance)
  * Push press: 5 with 20 lbs, 3 with 25 – the premise was to do 5, then go up in weight. Do 5, go up – since I could only squeak out 3 with 25, I was done.

When I left Tuff Girl, my standard for push press was 25 – moving into 30’s. I was disappointed, but not surprised to drop weight there. One thing that did surprise me was how much pull I felt in my abdomen during push press.
After the test, we did some tabata rounds. Jump rope, pushups, jump rope, plank – repeat. 2 rounds of this, and then we did 2 rounds of forward kicks into pads while our partners held them for us and gave us some resistance. Felt good to kick the crap out of something. J
My arms held up great during everything. My abdomen was very, VERY sore last night. Tylenol and heating pad last night and it is not as bad today. My legs are most definitely the culprit now!
If you didn’t see my pic post from yesterday, check it out:
It’s got before and after surgery pics  - 4.5 weeks out. I will take more pics at the end of my 30 day challenge.
A little shout out to Kelly at - who sent me a sweet get well card. MWAH! SOO sweet!
Peace, bloggers. I hope you are all well

Friday, April 5, 2013

Experimentation results

Following up on this Friday. I am SO grateful for Fridays. I totally covet my Friday nights for total utter and complete relaxation. I can let my mind rest. Nothing to be worried about for at LEAST a day.
*inhale slowly, exhale slowly*
I tried some moves last night and walking at lunch today. My exertion tolerance is pitiful. Winded by jogging up a few flights of stairs. Ugh.
Squats – totally fine. Sumo squats are the better of the 2 tried.
Counter pushups – totally fine.
Plank – shaking almost immediately. Engaging core is difficult.
Toe pushups – not happening right now.
My arms feel really good, unless I am trying to stretch them a little too far. For example, if I reach up and drop my arms back in a dumbbell triceps extension, it hurts. I need to start stretching it slowly as I am using Vitamin E on my scars. So, modifications will be necessary. I can work the triceps doing a kickback, maybe… but things like dead-hang pull-ups are going to be further into the future than I would like. The dead-hang would probably rip me right open. TMI, I know. Sorry.
Feeling weak. Freakin’ HATE that. Slow progress is better than no progress… but damn, I’m having a hard time.
I am SO excited for my 30 Day challenge. Not weighing myself, only going my Body Fat %. I will take my current on Sunday, and then will do it again at the end of the 30 days. Not in between, and no getting on the scale. Part of the GAIN I was talking about yesterday has to include gaining TRUST in myself. I don’t want to go through the rest of my life feeling like I can’t “trust” myself and how I feel. I’m not talking about moderation or anything like that, because I know my body and mind have an adverse reaction to some substances (READ: SUGAR) – so staying away from that is not about “not trusting myself with it” it’s about knowing it does bad things to my body, so the sane person then rationalizes that they need to stay away from said poison. Duh.
Trust. It’s so freaking hard.
Thank God for the weekend… I hope you are all well. Peace

Thursday, April 4, 2013


Thursday. A quiet Thursday – how remarkable!
Even though the doc gave me the OK to start exercising again, I admit, I’ve been a little scared. I mean, yesterday, I popped an internal stitch reaching into the back seat to wipe a 2 year old snotty nose. Really?? WTF? Hurts today… but anyway…
So I have slowly started experimenting. I don’t really know how much muscle I have lost in the last 4 weeks, so not sure what I can do. I did some pushups against a counter top this morning. Arms feel totally fine. No pulling, no excess stretching… it’s the abdomen that’s giving me trouble. After popping that stitch, I can’t engage my abs without pain. As most of you know, pretty much every form of exercise is going to require the abdominals being engaged. It’s frustrating to say the least. I plan on experimenting a little more tonight. Some planks, squats, knee or table top pushups… we shall see.
Sunday is my birthday. I told you I got myself a present – the 30 Day Challenge. I can’t think of a better gift right now. I am so excited. Hardcore. I think I am the MOST excited because now, after this surgery, it will be possible for me to actually see muscular results/changes. Will all the excess ab and arm skin, I could hardly make out any definition, even though I KNEW it was there. Now, it’s different.
This spring and summer is going to be MY time to SHRED. My time to GAIN.

What does shred mean? I think it’s different from one person to another. I don’t need to look like my amazing trainer Christa in order to feel like I am shredded for my body…

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(although, what an incredible role model!). Shredding for me means leaning out more and more so that my muscle definition can come through. I don’t need or maybe even want to look like a fitness model. Those are some beautiful bodies, for sure, but it’s not for me. Why not? Those ladies spend their whole lives in constant pursuit of that body. I have so many things happening in my life, I can’t spend all of my waking time in search of the perfect visible abs! AND THAT’S OK!
“GAIN??? What are you talking about?” You may be thinking. I want to gain strength and toughness, muscular, mental and emotional. I want gain confidence. I want to gain total respect for myself. I have a lot to gain. It’s going to take hard work to gain. But I will.
I’m just about caught up with back school work. I registered for next semester – Nutrition III and Culinary Nutrition – STOKED about it. Classes will be fascinating! But I already can’t wait for this semester to be done. I need summer. I need some breathing room.
Thing 2 has been sick… I think I may have mentioned. He is still ill. Last night hubby took him to the pediatrician and they are stumped. Fever spiking up and down, but negative for ear infection, strep and flu. Chest sounded clear. Our instructions are to monitor the fever. If it “trends downward” we need to ride it out. If it stays consistent or gets worse, they need to see him for a chest x-ray and blood work. He hasn’t been to daycare all week and the only way it has been possible for me to be at work is because my hubby took off, and my father in law is being a super good sport, hanging out with the oh-so-whiney-one yesterday and today… probably even tomorrow.
So, that’s just a *little* stressful… I’m sure it’s nothing but a virus that’s hanging on too long, but it makes me very nervous. I can’t wait to get home to him tonight.
That’s all for now. I’ll report back tomorrow on my “experimenting” tonight.
Peace everyone...