Beating the Blues

Merry after-Christmas.

No worries, I’m not back to bitch today. I am sure you will be happy about that. ;-)

I just gave a big sigh – I am GLAD Christmas is over. I get so much more stressed than I even realize and I am so glad it’s behind me now.

We had a beautiful X-mas eve service, and I really enjoyed the sermon – about “coming home” and how Christ has always been and will always be our “Home”. It was great, made me feel really good, even in the midst of a cruddy cold I am (still) fighting.

The boys were ELATED on Christmas day. Up at 5:30am. Thing 2 (remember, he’s only 3) would open up each gift and say “It’s JUST WHAT I NEEDED!!” and then go for another. It was hilarious!

Other than a few over-stimulation related mini meltdowns, they were good boys, and we took it easy. Mom came over, we stayed in PJ’s/cozies and just chilled and snacked. Bliss.

Tomorrow we get together with my side of the family for our “Christmas” which consists of LOTS of noise (6 kids under 7, 6 of them are boys), food, family whom I love more than anything, a fun grab-bag game, The Polar Express and hot chocolate for the kids… it’s going to be great. How lucky am I that I get celebrate Christmas Eve with my in-laws, Christmas with my tribe and my mom, AND “Christmas” with my whole family?

I took a few days off the gym (Christmas eve and day, of course) but then took an extra one off yesterday as I try to get rid of this yucky cold. I had ZERO energy. However, I AM going tonight AND tomorrow morning. Maybe I can sweat out this cold! YES!

I’ve been thinking more about my food. I have put on some weight – I can feel it in my clothes. NOT getting on the scale, but I’m going to take some measurements and work toward leaning out. It’s going to be slow, because I am not going to go back to my restrict-binge cycle again. I don’t want an eating plan without cheese. I don’t want a diet where I can never have a Starbucks soy latte (extra hot – yum), or chocolate. Your reaction may be “Well, no shit!” But remember that I was constantly working under the guise of perfection. If I was going to eat clean, it was going to be PERFECT. And if I had some sugar? Well, I had fucked it all up and I was screwed. All those “clean eaters” using maple syrup or honey in recipes? WHAT?? They are doing it WRONG!!! SUGAR IS SUGAR!!!!

Who the hell am I to say they are doing anything wrong? Who are YOU to say it?

The phrase “eyes on your own plate” springs to mind. I won’t judge your grocery cart, so you don’t judge mine.

So, after all this blabbering, I will tell you I am taking the “Whole Food Challenge” at Bodyology. I’ve done it before, but for very different reasons. This time, I am doing it purposefully imperfectly.

I remember sitting in one of the past challenge meetings; Christa would say “You need to make this challenge your own. If you really want cream and sugar in your coffee, if that’s your “thing” go for it.” I would think – no, no – I must do this challenge exactly as written. It must be perfect, or it won’t “work”.

And THAT is the exact thinking that would lead me through a “perfect” challenge, and a crash and burn at the end.

No more crash and burn. I am striving to make it all these things normal and sane. The support I gain from the challenge groups is phenomenal. So, I’m doing it.

I want to find that “sweet” spot (forgive the pun). The place where I am mentally happy, not obsessing, but tracking and leaning out slowly. I think this challenge will help me with that. However, I am still watching things now. Tracking “softly” (meaning I track when I am suspicious that I may be heading over my TDEE) and getting in fresh foods.

But, I am also going a bit overboard with the holiday eating. Thus, the reason clothes are starting to get tight and feel uncomfortable. I won’t get on the scale, because I know I would freak out. But I will gage it on the measurements I am taking tonight and how my clothes are feeling.

Whew, this is getting wordy, so I’ll wrap it up.

(Warning: Christian musing ahead. Skip if you’re not into it) One more thing I want to say (and I’ll elaborate in another post) is that I find it amazing how life works. How God works. When you aren’t sure what to do, or when you have a little voice in the back of your head telling you something that you might be afraid to listen to, the Lord shows you the way. It becomes clear. That voice is the Lord speaking through you, telling you your own souls needs and wants. Then, when you are afraid to listen, He makes it more clear. Even the “little” things. I am always asking God to “smack me in the face with” anything he needs to tell me, because sometimes I get so caught up in worldly things I don’t hear Him. But, He hears ME. Amazing.

I’ll try to be a better blogger, but I can make no guarantees. I will pop in as much as I can!


I hope everyone’s holiday season is wonderful. And if you were as stressed as I was, you ca