Progress

I'm sorry for the long pauses between posts. I'm glad to know some of you have been concerned about what's been up.

My progress is going very well. I am healing well, and I am actually back to work today. I'm quite tired still, so, I think it will be a 1/2 day today, but getting back into the swing of things is very helpful to my mental/emotional health.

The doc has OK'ed me to walk, and do the recumbant bike at the gym. I cannot resume anything I would call "normal" (Tuff Girl, lifting, spinning, group classes) for at least another 3 weeks. It's killing me, but I need to heal. If I screw it up and go too fast, it will only lead to damage and more respite. Can't. Do. That.

Working on eating clean and getting in water. Water is really tough, because it actually makes my abdomen feel uncomfortable if I drink too much at once. So, I have to teach myself to constatly sip, instead of down a bottle at a time. Speaking of which.... *sip*

This week is a long one - Holy Week means more church activity. It's ok. I'm glad to be busy. I'm still catching up with school work. I realized early on that narcotic pain meds and studying do not mix. So, I'm a little further behind than I would like. However, I made some other admissions to myself:

I may not get A's in both of my classes this semester.
I may not make the Dean's list this semester.
I need to be OK with this.
I'm working on being OK with this.

I am joining the clean eating challenge on April 7 (my birthday present to myself!). I love being part of this group. The support system is something I need right now and I know it will be incredibly helpful. It's not a competition of any sort, it is mearly being a part of a supportive group of people, going down the same path. It lasts for 4 weeks.

I have made some new fitness goals. I will update you on them all soon. There is not "goal weight" but there is a goal for body fat %. Right now, that goal is 25%. It may seem high to some of you, but that's my goal for now.

That's all for now. I'm going to finish up some work and head home a little early from work to get some rest.

I hope everyone is doing well. I have not kept up with my blog reading - I'll try to get back into it soon.

Peace, friends.

Setback?

So yesterday I felt pretty good and we did some things... Which may have included lifting up Thing 2 a few times and walking a lot. Getting pulled in several directions might have been thrown in there too.

Now, there is blood in my drains. Fuck. 😡

I'm emotional right now anyway, but I can't stop crying. 😢I'm terrified I have screwed something up, and that I'll have to keep these tubes in longer. I'm not really in pain, but I'm scared.

Why am I such a moron. ❓❓❓

🍀It's St. Patty's Day, and my sweet Mimas birthday, who is celebrating in Heaven. I miss her tons, but she is certainly happy up there with The Lord. Love you, Mima. 🍀

I'll keep you guys posted. Doc's appointment at 9:30 in the AM

A little before and after

Hello my blog friends!
This will be short. Although I am better overall, I'm very tired today. Here is a before and (so far) after pics of my arms.

I am very happy so far, but also very sore.

I am going to enjoy some corned beef and Irish soda bread tomorrow at my moms, and then return to my clean eating band wagon. I've been doing pretty well, but it needs to be cleaned up a little more.

That's all for now my friends.

Post surgery day 6

Hello all! I had my first post-op appointment today. The incisions look great, and it's the first time I've seen my arms. I had this horrible vision that they would unwrap them and there would be no difference. Crazy, I know. The day of surgery my doc told me she wouldn't be able to take as much off as originally thought, because of muscle and nerves and I felt upset. However, I think they look good. Can't wait to jack them up in the gym!!

Pain is quite tolerable. Still taking the RX meds at bedtime, but that's it. Had an allergic reaction to the antibiotic they put me on, so they took me off it. I'm still really itchy, but it should ebb soon.

I'm really wanting to be more active, but I have to make myself go a little slower.

The most annoying part is the drains. I was hoping they would pull them today, but I'm still putting out too much fluid. I can't go back and have them taken out till Monday. Grrr! They are really uncomfortable and I can't wait for the relief of them being out. 6 more days. *sigh*

That's all for now. I'll start posting a little more on the regular now that I'm a little more in my right mind!

Peace, everyone!

Alive and well

A very short, drugged up post that I am alive and recovering from surgery. Will post more when I am more coherent. Thank you for all of the love and support you have all given me. I am beyond blessed.
Peace, everyone

What it was SUPPOSED to be, and what it ACTUALLY is...

My plan for this post was to show you pictures of a lovely weekend I spent with my hubby and boys, topped off with bright green toenail polished painted by yours truly. But, I suck and I can't get blogger to let me show you the pictures. So, there it is. One day I will be able to get it together on the sharing pics on Blogger thing. That day is not today.

For now, you get this:

Awww, family time. Source

Well, it's here guys. My surgery is tomorrow morning. I am a mixture of emotions that I can't even put into words, so I'm not going to right now. I'm attempting to "just be" with me - this is of course, a lame-o attempt at not freaking out. It's semi-working.

I've decided to forego class tonight. I will go home after work, spend time with my guys and get some last minute stuff done. I will go to my committee meeting tonight, because it will be my last for weeks. I feel good about this decision.

As I have had no time to get to the gym, I have been incorporating body weight exercises into everyday activities. Squats and pushups are my mainstays. I am doing at least 100 of each per day. Feels good.

So.... the moment we all knew was coming. Results were better than I thought, but not exactly what I was going for.

Weigh in this morning: 181

This is my lowest adult weight. In that, I HAVE to rejoice. I have worked, and I continue to work for every damn pound. My goal was 175 for surgery, and I am 6 lbs shy.

But I cannot hate that I have lost 184 lbs total.

Wow. I just have to let that number sink in.

I know my next number goal… although I am going to continue to not allow the scale to dictate me and my emotions… my next number goal is to be down 200 lbs total… It’s hard to know when I will get there. The skin removal will help, but I don’t really know how much. Only time will tell.

My priority will be to continue to become the fittest, healthiest, happiest person I can be.

Anyway, I’m outta here. Hopefully I will be able to be up and about and I’ll blog a little something Thursday, just to let you know I’m alive. LOL.

Peace everyone. Peace.

Gift

Keeping myself together. Or, at least TRYING to.

I don’t know how to start this blog. Part of me doesn’t even want to write it. But then I remember that this is MY space. MY thoughts. I cannot be consumed with worrying about what anyone else will think or how anyone will judge me. I guess they can just laugh if they want.

I am scared. I feel incredibly depressed. Weak, worried, sad and anxious. And that’s WITH taking depression and anxiety meds! Can you imagine what it would be like without them? I can’t. I don’t want to.

I’m worried about the surgery. I have 2 little babies who need their mama, and there is risk associated with surgery. I know the risk is rare, but I cannot help but think about it. It fills me with fear.

I caved and weighed myself. And I didn’t like what I saw. This has obviously contributed to this particular funk. I don’t know why I just don’t learn. I was SO happy last week. Eating well, exercising, not weighing myself and I just felt freaking great. Stupid fucking numbers should not have the power to bring me down like this. What is wrong with me? I am LETTING IT get the best of me.

Now here I am, digging myself out again. Digging out right before surgery, when I should be relishing in my accomplishments and feeling healthy and strong. I feel weak and cruddy.

I probably wouldn’t feel so weak if I was able to get a really good sweat on. I am doing a variety of exercises today that I hope will not contribute to the sciatic stuff, plus some stretching that is good for it.

I did some squats this morning and they felt good. I’ll do 50 100 today. I will do 50 100 wall pushups (since I’m at work). Tonight I plan on some yoga focused on core to help stabilize the leg situation. Today I am also concentrating on holding my core tight and sitting well. With the leg issue, my posture has been off, and now I have some lower back ache as well. I feel like I’m freaking falling apart. I am PRAYING I get my new brooks sneakers today. I ordered them and they are taking forever. The ones I’m in just have no support left.  

Tomorrow I will go to the gym (classes at Bodyology are canceled) with hubby and do some TRX. I need to get a sweat on and feel some soreness in my muscles. The RIGHT kind of soreness.

Bodyology, as long as I can feel my foot and I have no shooting pain, on Sunday.

Lots of things to get done this weekend. We are doing a big basement clean up; making sure the house is in great shape. Groceries, church (Saturday and Sunday. A choir member’s sister passed from cancer and we are singing for her service on Saturday). Homework, packing a bag, or at least making a list, of what I will need in the hospital.

Monday and Tuesday are crazy with work, school and committee.

Then, Wednesday is the day.