Thursday, October 18, 2012

Destiny, or, the strange things that keep you on track

I had experiences yesterday and today that I felt were significant, and things I might have missed if I hadn't been aware of myself and my surroundings.

I went up to the cafe yesterday, feigning for a snack of some sort. I had no intentions of it being clean vs. not-clean, just something to snack on. I wasn’t into anything I had packed from home.

Got upstairs, looking around… pretty slim pickings (slimmer than usual), as it was between breakfast and lunch. I finally grabbed a container of plain kasha cereal… knowing it was not a great choice, but thinking it was a better choice than then cocoa puffs next to it. I wandered for a minute longer and got in line.

In front of me was a woman, at least 5’10”, and she had to weight almost 400lbs. I actually know her – I talk to her on the phone all the time setting up testing for patients, and I happened to know her by site, but she does not know me by site. We have developed a nice relationship and I think she is a great person. She was buying a plate of food – what was on the plate is not the point. I looked at her and I remembered. I remembered SO vividly what it was like to be that size. To feel that way. To be totally and utterly miserable. I am not assuming that she is miserable; I was merely remembering that I was miserable at that size. Instantly I thought “Oh my God. I can NEVER go back there”

I also happen to know this woman had a form of weight loss surgery, and gained everything (plus) back. And I know, because she told me at one point.

I got out of line, put down my cereal and went back to my office. As I recall, I ate my banana instead. Obviously what I should have done to begin with. However, I am a big believer in fate or destiny… you know, that sometimes we do things because we need to be in the right place at the right time. We need to see or hear things that will flip a switch in us. I think that was a moment for me – for sure.

Another moment I had today. I was up in the cafĂ© again, this time getting ½ cup cottage cheese with a sprinkle of sunflower seeds and about 2 tbs of craisins. (much better choice than cereal.) I got in line and running the register was the woman I talk with anytime I am up there. A sweet, heavy woman, who always asks “how is the eating going?” and tells me how she is “always trying” (to lose weight). Today, checking out, she told me, for the first time, that SHE had weight loss surgery, a long while ago (I have no idea when) and she told me she had just gotten back to the size she was at the time of her surgery – “back” is in, she had recently lost weight to get back to that point.


Look, if anyone out there still thinks that surgery is the “magic pill” or that it’s “easy”… just know – it’s NOT. There are people all around us who have that surgery and you would never know it. Not because it “didn’t work”, but because the people didn’t change. They didn’t work.

You simply must change yourself. Just look at this guy:

"Santa's Gastric Bypass" Postcards (Package of 8)


Moving on. Last night’s workout was amazing. I really pushed myself. It was Tabata style with our new “6 is the new 5” rounds. I went up in level on a few exercises. While doing gliding climbers on a medicine ball, Christa came over to me a reminded me of the time I couldn’t even hold a PLANK on the gliders. I have gotten really strong. And I look SO forward to getting stronger.

Eats for today:
BB: Chai tea – so lovely
B: ½ cup quinoa, 2 tbs PB, ½ cup pureed strawberries
S: ½ cup cottage cheese, 2 tbs craisins, sprinkle of sunflower seeds
L: 1.2 quinoa and black bean stuffed red bell peppers with parmesan on top.
S: 3 tbs hummus with ½ whole wheat/flax pita
S: banana
D: unknown. Something with some MEAT. J

Confession: I have not gotten on the scale and I have not logged my food. I will re-start doing this, but I’m experimenting a little. Can I accurately guestimate my calories and macros without having to log them every day? We will see. I AM still measuring my food – because frankly, I cannot trust myself with portion size!

Keep moving forward!


  1. Those were good little reminders, Kelliann, and just what you needed at the moments they happened. WLS is a touchy topic, understandably. My lifelong BFF, who had been obese all 38 yrs of her life) had RnY gastric bypass just over four years ago. She'd "done" WW, Atkins, this and that, and lost anywhere from 30-80 pounds on her own five or six times, but couldn't ever do it "for real." Finally she started to experience some health issues and began to consider surgical options. She weighed nearly 400lbs and had to participate in a hospital-based diet and exercise program and lose a certain # of pounds on her own before the surgeon would schedule the operation. Within 10 months of the surgery, she lost a total of 180 pounds and has kept off every ounce ever since, now 150lbs at 5'8", active, healthy and happy. She is now a group leader of the hospital program, counseling prospective patients. Unfortunately, during the last few years in the post-surgical support groups, she has witnessed almost every one of her counterparts who had surgeries at the same time she did do the wrong things and regain much, all, or all + more of the weight they lost (and some did not lose much, because they never changed their habits). Surgery is not magic but it is necessary, I believe, for some people. Psych counseling is key. Getting the patient to comply with the new lifestyle is the real challenge.

    1. SO well said - it's a total change and psych therapy is really key. I continued with therapy after my surgery - but it was NOT required. I think it SHOULD be required. It's the most volital time for people! Congrats to your BFF for doing the work!

  2. It is why I am convinced I will be on guard every day from now on. But that's OK - I'm OCD and enjoy weird things like that.

  3. "required" does not make it work. People have to change their attitudes about food, entitlement, needs, wants. . . .everything.

    When they do the rewards are great. When they don't the gain is greater.

    I am so happy you are still fighting the good fight. I still weigh and measure my food and I hope I always will. My eyes are broken. I weigh not because I have to but because I want what it gives me: peace of mind.

  4. I have become so educated about WLS by reading blogs. I can see that it is not a quick fix or an easy way out. It requires just as diligent work as any other lifestyle change. WLS doesn't work for everyone because regardless of the surgery, if you're not mentally ready to lose the weight, it won't be successful. No weight loss program will be. Congratulations to you for all your hard work!

  5. Oh, reading about that lady made me sad.
    I'm glad you have escaped that morbid obesity.
    I'm glad you had a 'moment' that centered you.

    Keep up the hard & great work.

  6. Those moments are important...I agree, I have to remind myself daily that I did not make an easy choice and that if I don't stay on top of it, I could end up gaining all the weight plus some back...Great post, nice blog!

  7. Just found your blog through Holly at 300 pounds down. Isn't it interesting where we find our motivation? I have a favorite Mexican restaurant where we still eat once in a while. I used to always get their chile rellenos, (cheese stuffed peppers that are breaded and deep-fat fried), with rice and beans, and lots of chips and salsa of course. I now order a grilled chicken salad, which is very good, although it's not a chile relleno! But I am still tempted by those chips! The last two times we have gone there, I have seen one large woman sitting at another table nearby. The first time, the woman was wearing a blouse that was identical to one I wore when I was heavy. It stopped me in my tracks. I thought, "No way am I going back there!" and I limited myself to 3 chips. If I can keep it under 5, I feel like I have succeeded. I'm wondering now if that woman isn't following me around, kind of like a lucky charm, that someone (an angel?) is providing me, so that I can stay motivated and determined!

    And you're right about the surgery. I didn't have it, but my daughter-in-law did and she dropped 75 lbs. very quickly, but it also all came roaring back quickly. The surgery is only a tool, it's not a magic pill. You still have to change your lifestyle, and do the work and practice self-control and MAKE GOOD CHOICES. My insurance wouldn't pay for the surgery and I couldn't justify the cost. But I lost weight on my own (with the help of, and am proud of that, even though I don't hold it again anyone who had WLS. I think we all need to follow our own paths and do what we need to do. Nobody else knows what is best for us.