Friday, October 26, 2012

The Holy Shit Post

This is a drive-by-Holy-Shit-this-is-the-crazy-week-from-hell-because-I-am-all-alone-dealing-with-5 -nurses-and-5-doctors-by-myself post. My co-worker has been gone a week as of yesterday, and we have had urgent patients galore. We have also lost 5 patients this week. This weighs very heavily on my heart. I hate, hate, hate that we can't help everyone... it's a really hard thing to just "leave at the door" when Ileave for the day. I think of these people and their families and the loss... it's so hard for them. Makes me very sad.

I don't even know what to say except my eating is poor. My exercise, when I have been able to get it this week, has been good and "ugly". Ugly meaning that there is nothing leasurly or sweet about it. It's grunting, screaming, swearing and a whole lot of sweating. I've been taking my stress out on my workouts for sure. I think I've scared some regular gym goers. Bodyology chicks know the score, and they scream and swear right along with me. That's just how we roll. Thank GOD for this outlet.

Eating is bad. I need to get my shit together. Seriously. I got lazy cooking becuase of the schedule and stress this week and we have been subsisting on less than clean fare. When I think back at how I USED to eat, even back when I *thought* I was eating healthy... and what I consider unhealthy now... it's just worlds different. I'm so grateful for that... even when it's bad, it's not as bad as it once was. Progress, not perfection.

If I don't cut myself a little slack at this moment, I don't know what would occur... for real, guys. So, if you have any judgy comments, please spare me just this one time. I KNOW I am not doing what I am supposed to be. There is NO real excuse, and I have to GET IT TOGTHER. So, there is nothing you can say that I don't already know...

OK, breathe...

Hurricane/Tropical Storm headed our way. Last summer we got one of these babies and we were out of power for 5 days. I have already grabbed some batteries for flashlights, in case. On the way home, will get glowsticks for the kids, a few more flashlights and non-perishable food. No grocery shopping this weekend, because I'm not going to speand money just to lose everything. Will go out and buy things to get us through the weeknd only, and take it from there. We should be getting screwed by this thing by Monday morning...

I went and told hubby I think we need some relationship counceling. I truly think we do. Our communication sucks right now, we have nothing as a couple except Thing 1 and Thing 2, and I'm not going' down like that.
I don't think he's happy about the idea, but frankly, I'm not happy overall. I want to work on this before it gets worse.

Add it to the list.

Thing 1 and Thing 2 are good and healthy, Thank you Lord, God. They are just the sparkle and life and all that is good in my world. I went through an issue this week where my in-laws thought it would be ok to take Thign 1 early from school to take him out to lunch. Without our permission. Without our KNOWLEDGE. And the school LET THEM. Now, let me say that hubby's parents are on the list of people that Thing 1 can be given to, as they pick him up after school and hang out with him till hubby gets out of work. HOWEVER, there was never permission for him to leave school during school hours.

Let's just say I cracked down on the shit MIGHTY QUICK.

Do NOT fuck with this mama and her babies. The school got an earful, notes have been written and complaints filed.

The in-laws are another story.

Ok. This is all I have time for. I have to run before I get buried under piles of crap....

Keep moving (ever slowly) forward...


  1. holy shit is right. You have a lot going on. Lotsa stressful stuff.

    It's awesome that you are taking some of that stress and putting it towards some killer workouts.

    you're a fighter and you'll get through this.

  2. You have a lot on your plate. Make sure you make time for you. Very important and not something to be overlooked. Wishing you a quiet stress free weekend:)

  3. Dude, you gotta squash those in-laws like a bug...that was WAY out of line.

    And I know you & I "spoke" a long time ago about relationship counseling. I'm glad you're pushing the idea again; I think it's important.

    Hope next week at work is less stressful!

  4. have a load on your shoulders. I turn to bad food decisions for less. Hang in there and no judgement from me...