Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Different 'tude

Yea, I have a different attitude the past few days. A need for calm. I am sure you guys out there can relate that after going through something stressful we crave peace.

Well, we crave cupcakes too, but we aren't going to do that. Cupcakes and the like only add to stress. For REAL.

I've been striving to keep myself from getting stressed about daily shit I can't control. I can't control (to a degree) how the mornings go with a 2 year old and a 5 year old. Sometimes, we are out the door like clockwork. Sometimes, it's hell in a hand-basket just getting them dressed. It is what it is, and I have to remind myself of that several times, remind myself to breath... it's NOT the end of the world, even if I do end up a few minutes late for work (which, even on bad days, rarely happens)

I've been walking on my lunch break, not just for the exercise factor, but for the deep breathing, "reset" attitude that comes with getting outside, especially on a cool fall day, and taking it all in. I did it today, and it was fantastic.

Days like today, where I am going from one thing right to the next from wake up (5:45) to getting home (9:30), it's so easy for me to get overwhelmed. But man, I have to put things in perspective now.

I have this thing about being late. It comes from being the fat girl. When you are the fat girl in college, you do NOT want to show up late to class. You do NOT want to squeeze by people to get to a seat in the middle of a very long line in a lecture hall. You want to show up early, sometimes ridiculously early, to get a seat, usually on the end, because they tended to be, (or at least to feel) a little wider. You could lean toward the aisle as to not infringe on the personal space of the person sitting next to you.

Being early was very important. And to this day, being on time = being early, even if there is no worry about me knocking peoples books off a desk with my ass. But it's something that has stuck with me and stresses me a LOT. Thinking about being late makes my pulse race. Sitting in traffic, thinking I "won't make it" on time causes total panic.

It’s something I have known for a while I need to work on. And now, more than ever, I don’t need this panic in my life. Yes, this blog is about weight loss and career change going into the nutrition field, but it’s also about wellbeing and life. Eliminating, or at least decreasing, the self-inflicted stress from my life needs to be at the forefront, as well as continuing my weight loss journey (that one was for you, Norma!! LOL)

Short update on reconstructive surgery – what a mind fuck. It’s a little bit of a mess. Not going to happen in December, which is fine. Maybe March. Working with the office. When I have a DATE for surgery THEN they will submit the paperwork to insurance. All this time, I have been waiting to hear from them about insurance, and it was never sent. I don’t get the whole needing-a-date-and-THEN-getting-clearance… because I can’t have the surgery without the insurance… soooo… I dunno, is it just me that this system is backwards? Whatever, it’s being worked on.

Not one moment for exercise today. Tomorrow back to Bodyology after a week of being away, so I can’t freaking WAIT.

Eats for today:
BB: Chai tea. Perfect for fall.
B: 1 slice Ezekiel bread, 2 TBS PB
S: Larabar
L: Spaghetti Squash bake with parmesan cheese… this is really delish. Just veggies, veggies veggies and some parm on top.
S: 3 Tbs hummus with ½ whole wheat pita
D: 2 oz cabot 75%, strawberries
S:  I am sure there will be one when I get home tonight, just not sure what it is yet.

Ok guys, that’s all I’ll spew today

Keep moving forward…


  1. I can relate to everything you're talking about here. I also struggle with just letting things go that I can't control, and trying not to be so regimented.

  2. Oh my god. I totally know that "I HAVE TO BE EARLY SO MY FAT ASS DOESNT ATTRACT ATTENTION!" panic. Wow. Totally know that feeling, still have that paranoia.