I've gotten some feedback over the last day about my plan of action lately. I've been told that moderation is bullshit. That I'm either all in or I'm all out. Here is a quote:
""Balance" is bullshit. You're either in or you're out. One foot in the "I want to lose this weight for good and get fit and kick ass" world and one foot in the "I want to go to parties and eat whatever I want and bake brownies on rainy days" world doesn't work."
(First of all - I don't do parties, not eating "whatever" I want and I am not baking brownies on rainy days. However, I know she was just trying to make a point.)
Of course, I started thinking.
I know that I got to be 365 lbs because I ate way too much, moved way too little, and had many, many excuses. When I finally started losing this weight for good, I promised myself that I wouldn't delude myself with excuses. I became almost obsessed with evaluating every little decision I made to figure out if it was a legitimate situation, or if I was screwing around and making excuses.
Well, that can be really freaking exhausting.
So, I wondered... Is my "excuse" guard slipping?
Maybe.
Or is the idea of balance just really hard to grasp?
When I wrote about balance yesterday - the big picture, for me, is not feeling "insane" and "obsessed" while getting the last of this weight off. It's understanding that I am human, and if one of my workouts goes astray because of a sick kid, it's not the end of me.
This is a mental thing for me. If I view it as an "all or nothing" thing - then when something doesn't work the way I planned, my brain wants to explode and I fall into the "just screw it all" mentality.
THAT BEING SAID:
I think there are ALSO elements of a slipping "excuse" guard here. A *little* of this, a *little* of that. Yup. There is no good reason for it. Stress and anxiety are things I have to learn to deal with without looking for a chocolate fix.
 | |
| Or... NOT |
I guess that's another aspect of balance.
So, my friends e-mail helped me see where I was letting my guard down a little. But it also helped me really think on and solidify where I have to be - for myself.
Because at the end of the day - I'm the only one I have to answer too.
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Keep Moving Forward!
Some people decide to lose weight, clean out the cupboard, and never look back. I follow a blogger who FOR YEARS ate exclusively food she prepared for herself. Every single meal from scratch for 3+ years. That's great - but it isn't who I am. It's not even who I want to be.
ReplyDeleteYour friend may have made some good points, but you have to figure out who you are and what path is optimal for you. It's more difficult than just finding someone to emulate, but its the difference between white knuckling your life and finding something you can do for life.
Good luck and you aren't alone on this! :-)
"but its the difference between white knuckling your life and finding something you can do for life." I love this Neca! You are so right!
DeleteThis is where it gets tricky for me. I don't believe that a person has to remain quite so militant about it. In the beginning, you need to be strict so that you set a good foundation for losing weight, but as time passes, you find what is right for you. You always have to be careful, but I have found that the second you say, for example, pizza is off limits forever & ever, that's when I start obsessing about it.
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