Tuesday, February 22, 2011


Tuesdays are specifically stressful, because Josh goes to Daycare, and Sam goes to Grandmas, which means out of the house by 6:30, latest, and momma driving around for an hour and a half, hoping to get to work on time. There is no class Tuesday evening, so tonight I went to the gym right from work. By the time I got home, my Sammy-Bear was in bed. I saw him for a total of an hour today. Tomorrow night is class, so it will be more of the same. At what point does this become bad parenting? At what point do you need to choose? I guess, tonight, I chose the gym over spending time with my baby. Wow, that sounds really selfish... but is it? I really don't know.
Something else I was pondering as I was leaving the gym - how do you know when you have pushed yourself hard enough? How do you know if you let your mental barriers get in the way, or if your body is really not ready for something? I don't know. I went to the gym today with the intent of running my 5K. Getting on the treadmill, I was actually nervous. Why?? Because I am scared I can't run the full 5K still. I pushed as hard as I thought I could, but in the end, I did not run the whole thing. I took two walk breaks. I've registered for 2 5k's in the next 6 weeks. I thought this would be motivating, and instead, I am feeling extremely intimidated. I think about that 3.1 miles and it's daunting. Am I doing something wrong? Am I putting too much pressure on myself, or not pushing hard enough, I really, truly don't know.

1 comment:

  1. Kelli, I think you are putting too much on your plate but you did register before you started FT so I can see how that could happen. I think maybe I am just not as motivated as you are. lol But you are NOT a bad parent sweetie! You do have to make time for yourself or you will go nuts trying to do for everyone but YOU! You will get a routine down and it will seem easier but when all this is over I fear you are going to be bored! haha! Di :-)