contradictions

I am sitting at work, freaking out about my first real test since I won't say when. *sigh* I feel like I know nothing. I have no idea what the test is going to look like, how in depth she expects us to go...
For those of you who know me, you know I am not a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kinda gal. I am a planner. The unknown makes me very anxious and nervous. But, let's face it - isn't life unknown? We can plan as much as we want, but in the end, you never know what's around the corner. We cannot let what we do not know paralize us. You aren't living if you are scared all the time.
Speaking of scared... I went for my first outdoor run this past weekend. I have been avoiding it, because our complex is like one big circular hill. Time was not on my side, so I couldn't waste it running to the gym. So, I took to the cold air. Because I didn't have a pedometer, I decided to track myself by time. I would run/ealk for 45 minutes.Whatever it ended up being, distance wise - so be it.
It felt pretty good to be outseide. I am used to hiding inside because of my size, which is obviously diminishing, but I also am the irish girl who gets a beet-red face with any kind of exhertion. And people are not shy about staring. I put it out of my mind, and kept my thoughts on my ipod selections and not running on ice patches.
I tried running up hill, but at points, I had to stop and walk. I kept up a good pace, even walking, and I could certainly tell I had gotten a good workout when I was done. It turns out I ran/walked just about 3.1 - my 5K. Seeing that the only walking I did was up pretty steep hills, and that it took me under 45 minutes, I was impressed with myself.
Last night I broke out a new DVD - Billy Blanks Ti Bo Cardio Inferno. It was pretty great. Totally feeling the burn, and once I get used to whats coming next, it will be easier to keep up my pace. PLUS I finally picked up some 8 lb weights. I've been needing to up my weights for a while. Over all, a great workout weekend.
I started out this blog freaking out about the unknown and explaining that I am scared of what I don't know. And yet, this weekend, I attempted 2 different physical activities I had not done. Seems like I am a walking contradiction! Eh, such is life.