Monday, December 31, 2012

Looking back and looking forward

New Year's Eve...

I had to look back at last years posts around this time. I'm so glad I did, because it revealed a lot.

I've lost almost 40 lbs this past year.
I've found clean eating - or, the version of clean eating that works for me.
I busted out of the 200's (twice now, lol)
I completed a Rugged Maniac
I PR'ed my 5K

In other news, I established myself more fully in my church, continued to grow our theater company, continued school and made Dean's List, Honor Society and earned a scholarship. Continued to exercise, and continued to raise the most amazing little men all while working full time.

In all of these things, there have been ups and downs, but that's life. Life is not the straight and narrow. It just doesn't work that way. But, I'll continue going in the right direction.

I'm not a huge fan of "resolutions" because they just tend to work for a few days and then get forgotten. I do, however, like the idea of fresh start and feeling "renewed" by the new year. There is motivation is starting the new year on a good note.

I'm starting my New Year off with a 9AM spin class :-)

I have other things I want to work on this year - my patience, temper, my closeness with God. These are things that will undoubtedly make their appearance here on my blog as well.

Of course, my weight, strength and health are always a top priority. My first short term goal is to be at 180 or less by my surgery date - 3/6/13.

I can't wait to feel how running and exercising will be after this huge amount of skin is GONE from my abdomen. I can't even imagine...

Here is my exercise schedule for the week - I'm excited about it:
1/1 - Spin
1/2 - Group Power - strength with barbells and dumbbells
1/3 - Group Active - cardio
1/4 - off :-)
1/5 - Bodyology (Tuff Girl)
1/6 - Gym, individual strength workout that I am going to put together
1/7 - Spin

I'm going to do some cooking tonight and tomorrow for the week. I talked with Thing 1 about trying new foods and focusing on filling our bodies with healthy foods. We talked about what kinds of foods are healthy (he actually is very good with this - he knows a lot of healthy choices) and what kinds are not, and need to be "every once in a while" foods (phasing out the term "treat", because he doesn't get a treat is every once in a while. Obviously, this is my fault) He was super receptive to this and tried, and really enjoyed the shrimp we had last week and a chicken/black bean chowder I made in the crockpot for the weekend. I was so proud of him for trying it, and so happy he enjoyed it!

Thing 2 is much easier - I haven't destroyed him quite as badly. He'll eat what is put in front of him - the spicier the better. Crazy punk.

Anyway - no plans for tonight. I have a big date with Thing 1 at Bounce U at 2:30 today. After that, home for dinner and kids to bed early so hubby and I can have some quiet time. That is my idea of a perfect New Year's Eve.

What's going on with you guys?? Have you looked back at your accomplishments this year??


Friday, December 28, 2012

Surgery, fund-raising and 26 Acts update

Hello and happy Friday friends!

I have only been working 3 days this week, but WOW it's taking forever! SO GLAD it's Friday!

Just so everyone can rest easy: I FINALLY got my spicy shrimp last night. Aren't you relieved??
And even bigger score is hubby made enough for my lunch today. Win!

You all know I have been working toward my surgery. My date, March 6, is set. My nerves are setting in already. This surgery means SO MUCH to my health and well-being, mentally and physically. I can't believe it really happening. I am still afraid it will be snached away somehow. I was thinking about it today, and I think the fear comes from my fund-raising efforts.

You may be wondering WHY I need to fundraise if the insurance company is covering the procedures (which they are -AMAZING) Well, here is why: I need to cover expenses like hospital co-pay, post surgery compression garments (damn, they are pricey!) and I still need to cover all of the normal house-hold expenses I normally take on when I am working. Because I don't have nearly enough paid time off (because of hubby's call-out policy in his office, I am always the one who needs to take off when the kids get sick), I will have 2 weeks of unpaid time off. But, daycare, groceries and utility expenses still have to be paid while I am recovering. So, that's what this fundraising effort is for.

I need to raise about $2500, and so far I have raised $300. I have an incredibly generous donor who has offered to match my donations, up to $1000 to get to my goal - can you even believe that???? However, even if that match happened at this point, I would still only have $600 - that's just about the hospital co-pay.

If you are reading this - take a moment to look at my fundraising page (you will see the link to the right or click HERE) and read my story. Perhaps, if you are able, consider making a donation. It will go a very long way in helping me reach the goal I have worked so hard for.


Also - I realized I didn't update on my 26 Acts of Kindness - It's still on-going! I have lost count! LOL - but that's a good thing, because I have gotten my hubby and kids involved and we are just going to keep trying to do kind acts everyday. I distributed 15 holiday cards onto windshields, bought coffee for several people, and distributed 2 gift cards to people I don't know. It makes me feel so incredible to do something like that for someone, knowing it helps them to be happy. We all deserve to be happy!

What makes YOU happy?? How are going to make someone else happy today??

Peace, my friends

Thursday, December 27, 2012


After a lot of struggle to get to spinning last night (taking both kids, getting them together, stopping for gas, pump didn't work, then car wouldn't start (damn battery - really need a new one), hubby comes to jump car, but his battery is covered with a big, bolted plastic thing, kids are ornery, Thing 2 proceeds to release a mega-poop and stink up the car, and at this point it's snowing like a bitch.) Luckily, a nice man stopped and helped us jump the car. I gave Thing 2 back to hubby to bring home for changing and FINALLY proceeded with Thing 1 to the gym.

And STILL got there in time for class.

But I didn't WANT to. No way. At that point, sitting in the gas station, I wanted to go home and get cozy and plop on the couch. But, frankly, that's not helping anyone. Especially not me.

So, I went to class. It was incredible, and I actually did really, really well for it being my first spin class back in, like, a year. The instructor was great, music was awesome, and I zoned into what I was there for. It worked like a charm. Kicked my ass, and I loved it. Legs aren't sore today, and neither is my ass. Hmmm... maybe I didn't work hard enough? I did feel like I wanted to give up a few times. Of course, I kept plugging, but that's usually my clue that I am working hard enough.

I didn't get my spicy shrimp last night (boo!) but hubby promised to make it tonight (yeah!) cause he wanted to get some stir-fry veggies for it. Win.
TVP® (Textured Vegetable Protein)
Last night I ended up with mixed veggies, home made tomato sauce, some TVP and low fat mozzarella on 1/2 sweet potato. It was good, and I had the otehr half for lunch today. In general I am staying away from TVP, but when the budget is so tight, and you have it on hand, you use it.

Eats for today:
B: Oats, banana, PB
S: Large tea
L: TVP/veggie/sauce/sweet potato
S: 1 cheese stick, more tea
D: spicy shrimp, veggies

Still pounding the water.

I think I am going to try a new core class at the gym tonight. I need to continue work on my core - I've been saying that forever. I get really nervous going into a new class, and I feel really out of place, but I need to GTFOI (Get the fuck over it) and GET IT DONE. Yup.

I'm not going to bore you to tears with anything else. One step at a time, saying no to one cookie/candy/drink/cake/whatever at a time. This time of year BLOWS for this shit....

Peace, friends...

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Workin' it Post-Christmas

Merry Post-Christmas!


We had a very nice Christmas, I have to say. Lack of sleep was totally worth it to hear Thing 1 continuously screech "I LOVE SANTA AND MAMA AND DADA". They both LOVED their gifts and are currently home destroying the house with them. I wish I was with them, but I am working.

*contented sigh*

That all said, Thing 1 was up at 4 AM Christmas morning, and I am still recovering!

Seeing my brother and his family and spending time with them made me so happy, but saying goodbye to them is so hard. Not even sure when the next time we will see them is.

The last few days I consumed food and drink that is not great for me. Some of it was worth it, some wasn't. It's over and done now and today is the re-start of super-clean eating.

My Inner Fat Girl, who I am now re-naming Inner Fat Bitch is already attempting to convince me that it’s “totally OK”  to wait till New Year’s Day to “re-start”. Bullshit. I could easily eat my way up another 5 lbs before then that I will just have to take off again. NO NO NO. IT ENDS HERE.

I have 10 weeks EXACTLY till my surgery and I have work to do.

I couldn't bring myself to get on the scale this morning. I feel good about my plan, and stepping on, seeing the shitty, shitty number was going to throw me in a tailspin. So, I'm waiting to get some of the carb-bloat down and then I will see what the REAL deal is.

Eats for today:

B: 1/2 cup plain oats, 2 tbs natural PB, 1 medium banana
S: apple, 2 tbs PB
L: 1/2 cup quinoa, 1/2 cup black beans, really spicy salsa, 2 oz low fat cheddar
S: small veggie green salad with olive oil and vinegar dressing
D: spicy shrimp, 1/2 sweet potato, veggies, veggies, veggies
S:? Maybe pomegranate

Water, water, water – did I mention water? And a little black coffee. Gonna go grab some and drink it down like a little bitter medicine – it kinda is – I have a dreadful caffeine headache. But I’m outta tea and I’m not adding any sweetener to the coffee.

I’ve eaten my breakfast and apple snack already – it’s 10:15. I’m hungry. This is what you have to deal with when you’ve over-stuffed your pie hole. Your body wants more and more and more. So, yes, I’m going to be hungry today, even though I have enough food for my body. I may be cranky. Hoping the coffee will help with that. Gonna go get some now.

I’m going to SPIN CLASS tonight! SO freaking excited. I’m going to be in SO MUCH PAIN in the morning. I don’t know what will hurt more, my legs from the spinning or my ass from the seat. No matter. SO WORTH IT.

Friday, December 21, 2012

Happy End of The World Day!

Or, maybe just another day in Paradise for us... and my hubby's birthday. So, for him, I am super happy the world didn't actually end.

We observed a moment of silence at 9:30 this morning. This has been a long week.

I've been working diligently on my 26 Acts of Kindness... I guess technically I've done 8... any of you guys out there have idea on "acts of kindness" that don't actually cost a ton of money?

Hmmm.... does going to the salon and having my eyebrows waxed count as an act of kindness for anyone who has to look at me?

Anyway - my brother, sis-in-law and gorgous nephew Jack-a-roo are coming in from Seattle - actually - they should have already landed!! Ok, hold on... gotta call mom...


They took a red-eye from Seattle, with one lay-over in Atlanta. Hopefully they were able to sleep a bit on the flight, and they will be up for visiting when I get out of work today. I leave at noon, go grab the kids (Thing 1 has a 1/2 day) and go over for a joyful reunion!! I can't believe I haven't seen them for a year!

Alright, I know so far this has nothing to do with weight, exercise, and the like. But, I guess that's life for the moment. I haven't weighed myself, but I feel heavy and yucky. I have not been eating clean and I can really feel it. I'm making a healthy veggie-filled salad to bring to my mom's on Sunday (which is Christmas #1) and on Christmas day, we are actually planning on salmon, veggies and quinoa for dinner.

I'm not waiting for 1/1/13 to begin my strict clean plan. 12/26 will be Day 1 of super-challenge mode. I will be using Christmas eve to make up some food to have starting 12/26, since I know I won't be cooking on Christmas day. I'm still working on the plan... Using Clean Eating and of course Oxygen Magazine for recipe ideas that are mostly meatless. I've been fine with fish and shrimp, but chicken and turkey... even just the smell has been turning my stomach. Ugh.

I hope everyone has a safe, healthy, love-filled holiday. Whatever you celebrate, or even if you don't - take some time to hug and appreciate your loved ones, friends and yourself. Peace to you all.

Keep moving forward...

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Sadness, and surgery date

With a big sigh, I am back here in Blog land.

The sadness, fear and anxiety I have been feeling has not lifted. And it is nothing, NOTHING in comparison to what my neighbors in Newtown are going through.

All I can do is pray. Pray for the families healing and comfort. And I pray for my children, that they will never, ever have to endure what so many there had to witness and live through. And that they will never be in the position of those 20 angels.

Another way to work out the sorrow is a movement that has been started called 26 Acts. Go out and commit 26 Acts of Kindness. The world needs kindness and generosity and love so much right now. I started this morning, and I am going to keep it going. Think about it. What acts of kindness can you perform today?

Ok, moving forward. I don't want this post to be all about the tragedy.

The days and hours are barreling toward Christmas at an even faster pace than I am used to. Shopping is basically done, with the exception of a grab-bag gift and one other gift for my nephew (I know what I am getting; it's just going to be about finding the time to stop and get it).

The boys are all set and I think they will be very, very happy at what Santa has in store. One thing we have already given them is a guinea pig - *sigh*... he's chill and easy to care for, and the kids LOVE him. We named him Vito. Vito, the Guinea. My husband’s idea of hilarity... and well, I laughed my ass off when he came up with it.

Eating has not been great, but not horrible. No binging, which I am happy about. I have not lost anything, but I have not gained anything either. No excuses, it's just been on the back burner.

I am acutely aware, however, of my surgery coming.... I actually have a date. March 6 will be the day I will literally shed my former self. I want to give my surgeons as much as possible to remove, so obviously I want to be a small and HEALTHY as I can be. I am developing a plan - a longer version of the week long challenge, but with some changes, as I have had a real aversion to meat lately. I haven't eaten almost any for a few weeks now...

I’ll update again soon with the plan of action. Right now, I am trying to not stress (well, after my math final exam tomorrow, anyway) and taking the time to enjoy my family and friends in the coming week. If I wasn’t sure where my priorities were before last week, I sure know now.

Peace, love and comfort to you all

Monday, December 17, 2012


Sent my children to school today with fear and anxiety.
Grieving for the 20 children who were not mine, but are, in fact, all of ours.
Grieving for the parents who are weeping into empty childrens beds.
Grieving for a world that is very different now than it was before Friday morning at 9:38 AM.

Friday, December 14, 2012


There has been a shooting at an elementary school in Newtown, CT. The mother fucker went into the school and killed 27 people, including 18 CHILDREN with at least 14 being KINDERGARDENERS.

One shooter is dead. One is at large.

I am about 40 minutes away from this town.

I have no words for this total and utter distruction of innocent life.

I am praying for these families.... I can't... I have nothing else....


ETA: 20 children dead, 6 faculty/staff members and the shooter = 27 dead. Shooter also killed his father on the way to the school, where apparently the intent was to kill his mother, who was a kindergarden teacher at the school. The children he killed were in her class and another class next door....

they were just babies... they had so much life ahead of them....

Thursday, December 13, 2012


Yes, I'm back.

From the worst stomach virus to hit our house in a LOOOONG time.

It was pretty dreadful - taking us all out one by one. I was the last to get it. After I spent the weekend cleaning up after everyone, I spent Monday into Tuesday wanting to DIE.

So, yes, here I am for a small post. I don't know what I really weigh, because I haven't eaten in days, and I am still dehydrated and trying to get my strength back.

When I tell you it was bad, I meant it. Ugh.

I am focusing on eating things that don't make me queasy (Ezekiel cinnamon raisin toast and PB have been my friend) and on prepping for my finals which are next week. One day at a time, for sure.

I hope you all out there are getting your Merry on without piling pounds on. It's possible to have a wonderful holiday without getting all crazy. Inevitably there will be peeps that "start over" on Jan 1. Hey, I used to be one of those. At least they are trying. Some might even stick with it! The others will taper off by the 3rd week of January and the gym will be back to normal.

Oh, gym - I miss you! I haven't worked out for a week!

That's all I can say right now. I have a math test soon, and I have to finish my work.

Keep moving forward...

Friday, December 7, 2012

A big "mamma sigh"

I very quick, very tired post. Up all night with Thing 2 vomiting. He now has a 102 fever... my poor, poor sweetie. I'm sure Thing 1 is next.

It's going to be a long weekend.

I'm at work, hubby is home with the little one. I have to get through work and overtime training tonight...

I'm too tired to formulate any more sentences... so I'm going to make my exit.

Peace, all...

Thursday, December 6, 2012


My chest and arms are sore from last nights tabata, which, might I add, I KILLED. I'm so proud of how far I've come with some of these exercises. I'm jumping rope so much faster, without tripping over my own damn feet. My burpees are faster, all push-ups are on my toes... commando pushups, high-knees with drop downs, butt kickers, kick ups... I conquered every damn interval. I think I may have said before that at Bodyology "6 is the new 5"... meaning that normally in Tabata, you do 5 rounds... well, now we do 6.

After the 2nd round last night I thought, "Holy God, we are only 1/3 of the way through"... but I just picked off those rounds one at a time. It felt awesome. By the end I was exhausted but empowered. It was EXACTLY what I needed.

Last night when I got super munchy, I air popped some popcorn, sprinkled on a little sea salt and it was good. Night time has been the hardest for munchy/cravings/Inner fat girl to bother me. I feel really good about my eats from yesterday overall.

Eats for today:
BB: 1/2 click coffee, almond milk, water, ice
B: oats, 1/2 banana, 2 tbs pb
S: almonds
L: black bean soup (I love this stuff!) 2 oz low fat cheese
S: grapes
D: Not sure, prolly 1/2 sweet potato with some salsa, or the rest of the veggie bake...

I've just been signed up for training at work, which will be tomorrow 2-6 and next SATURDAY 7:30-11:30... I just keep saying "overtime, overtime, overtime" to myself. We need the $$, so we do what we have to do.

I wish I had more time to chat, but I am alomst out of work, on my way to class, then a quick drive by to snuggle with the kids, shove some food down my throat and then off to church choir.

I can't WAIT till the weekend. Holiday light display and Santa pics on tap with the boys!

Keep moving forward.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Is this thing on?

Hey guys -

I admit that I have been feeling very weak lately. I haven't been "terrible" but I haven't been "on par". I mean, I already kinda said this is my last post. When I look back, I've actually been eating well, but I continuously feel like it's not enough. I think my energy is just low. Bah.

Hubby and I are waiting anxiously for our holiday checks. At the hospital we work at, if we meet certain goals during the year, all employees get a bonus check in December. I think GOD for this, because I don't know how Christmas would happen otherwise. This, of course, makes me think about peeps who don't have this little extra... So, as my good friend Allen would say - pay it forward. I have some "things" in the works for some who need it.

Everyone should strive to do what they can personally do for someone who is needing some help in some way. I'm not wealthy, by any means, but there are plenty worse off than I, and I can do something for them.

OK, back to the bloggy topic. I'm getting through it. Reving myself up everyday, continuously, to stay away from the crap. Cookies, M&M's are all over the office... but I walk by, telling myself NO to "just one" - because it's NEVER "just one" and my Inner Fat Girl knows it. She likes to trick me into "just one" knowing that means a downward spiral.

I'm going to kick my own ass this evening at Bodyology. Inferno Tabata on tap. Should be sweaty, shaky, and painful. Sweet.

Eats for today
BB: 1/2 Click protein, 1 cup unsweetened almond milk, water, ice
B: 1/2 cups oats, 1/2 banana, 2 tbs PB
L: spaghetti squash bake
S: 15 carrots, 3 tbs hummus
S: 2 oz low fat cheese, 1/2 banana
D: Black bean soup, 1/2 sweet potato, 1 oz low fat cheese

Boring, I know. I'm here. I hope you are too, and you are all doing well.

Keep moving forward...

Monday, December 3, 2012


I have already proclaimed my affection for Steve Kamb at Nerd Fitness.

I mean, he's hot, ok? And his site is FULL of Awesome workouts, advice and nutritional guidance.

I just read his most recent blog post: If you need some inspiration, and a mini ass-kicking, check it out:


Seriously awesome stuff...

**swoon, eye flutter, sigh**

Monday, Monday

Monday is a hard day for everyone, I think. My little Thing 2 had a particularly bad time this morning, especially since he had a 3 day weekend. I left him at daycare this morning with "mama, hold you!" ringing in my ears (That's what he and Thing 1 say when they want me to hold them). I know he was fine about a second and a half after I left, but it still stings.

*sigh* such is life, right?

I want to be joyous this time of year, but I always end up a little melancholy. I really don't know why. Maybe it's the increased stress, people who are already horrible are even more horrible... sorry, but does anyone else notice people’s attitudes get shittier along with their driving this time of year? Yeah, me too.

Let's get down to it. WI was the same again, and I know why. I have not been paying close attention to my food and my portions. It's a *little extra* here and there, and it results in the scale not budging. Of course! One thing I will not do, however, is "let go" for December.

I've heard this so much lately! "Oh well, it's the holidays, I'll start after New Year’s" (cue gorging till at least January 2.) I've been there and done that. I am striving to lose, and I will not allow the holidays to stop me. Even if it's a small loss, I will have a lose, dammit.

I worked overtime this weekend. Awesome for the money, but I feel like I should have just brought a sleeping bag and stayed. But, it's worth it if I am able to give more for the holidays. I love to give, and I can't always do it. When I can figure out how to do it on my budget, it makes me really happy.

I’m trying to get ideas for gifts for my hubby, but they are either pricey (new Ipad2, Miter Saw) or stuff for the house, or too little (cell phone cover). December is big for him – it’s our anniversary the 17th, his birthday the 21st and then Christmas. Whew! I have a lot to cover! Maybe the Ipad2 and call it all even??

2 more weeks of classes and then finals. The end of the semester cannot come soon enough. Who knew freakin’ algebra could be so damn stressful. Ugh. For the record, as of now, I have an "A" in the class. But that's why I am stressing. I need to hold that "A" to stay on Deans List, which makes me eligible for more scholarships. At this point, even if I failed the last test and final, I would still "pass" the class. But "passing" doesn't cut it for me.

 This would be me......................

I've been thinking lately about all the things I need to "change" about myself. My eating, my exercise, my patience (lack there of) my temper (a little explosive, I admit) my responsibility (I tend to pay bills late)... and I started feeling like... damn, I kinda suck as a person! I mean, all of these things I have to change... feels overwhelming. I wish I was just "good" as I am. But I'm not. I have to change. I have to get, and be, better.
It's kinda tiring.

Eats for today:
BB: ½ Click coffee with almond milk
B: plain oats with 1/2 banana 2 tbs almond butter
S: 3 tbs hummus, 1 flax pita
L: spaghetti squash bake (I'm addicted. It's all good)
S: 2 oz low fat cheese, 1/2 banana
D: 1 cup black bean soup with sweet corn (another great experiment), 1 oz low fat cheese
S: 20 grapes, maybe some pomegranate (soooo good...)
Workout for today – probably none. Walked a little at lunch, but I’ll be in class till 8:15, home eating dinner at 8:30, and I have math homework due tomorrow.

This is another reason I can’t wait for classes to be over – SPINNING!!! I cannot freakin’ WAIT to get back in that spin room at the gym!

Ok, this post is pretty random, but it’s been a while since I have been able to post and I’m just spilling it all out there…

Keep moving forward…