Monday, December 3, 2012

Monday, Monday

Monday is a hard day for everyone, I think. My little Thing 2 had a particularly bad time this morning, especially since he had a 3 day weekend. I left him at daycare this morning with "mama, hold you!" ringing in my ears (That's what he and Thing 1 say when they want me to hold them). I know he was fine about a second and a half after I left, but it still stings.

*sigh* such is life, right?

I want to be joyous this time of year, but I always end up a little melancholy. I really don't know why. Maybe it's the increased stress, people who are already horrible are even more horrible... sorry, but does anyone else notice people’s attitudes get shittier along with their driving this time of year? Yeah, me too.

Let's get down to it. WI was the same again, and I know why. I have not been paying close attention to my food and my portions. It's a *little extra* here and there, and it results in the scale not budging. Of course! One thing I will not do, however, is "let go" for December.

I've heard this so much lately! "Oh well, it's the holidays, I'll start after New Year’s" (cue gorging till at least January 2.) I've been there and done that. I am striving to lose, and I will not allow the holidays to stop me. Even if it's a small loss, I will have a lose, dammit.

I worked overtime this weekend. Awesome for the money, but I feel like I should have just brought a sleeping bag and stayed. But, it's worth it if I am able to give more for the holidays. I love to give, and I can't always do it. When I can figure out how to do it on my budget, it makes me really happy.

I’m trying to get ideas for gifts for my hubby, but they are either pricey (new Ipad2, Miter Saw) or stuff for the house, or too little (cell phone cover). December is big for him – it’s our anniversary the 17th, his birthday the 21st and then Christmas. Whew! I have a lot to cover! Maybe the Ipad2 and call it all even??

2 more weeks of classes and then finals. The end of the semester cannot come soon enough. Who knew freakin’ algebra could be so damn stressful. Ugh. For the record, as of now, I have an "A" in the class. But that's why I am stressing. I need to hold that "A" to stay on Deans List, which makes me eligible for more scholarships. At this point, even if I failed the last test and final, I would still "pass" the class. But "passing" doesn't cut it for me.

 This would be me......................

I've been thinking lately about all the things I need to "change" about myself. My eating, my exercise, my patience (lack there of) my temper (a little explosive, I admit) my responsibility (I tend to pay bills late)... and I started feeling like... damn, I kinda suck as a person! I mean, all of these things I have to change... feels overwhelming. I wish I was just "good" as I am. But I'm not. I have to change. I have to get, and be, better.
It's kinda tiring.

Eats for today:
BB: ½ Click coffee with almond milk
B: plain oats with 1/2 banana 2 tbs almond butter
S: 3 tbs hummus, 1 flax pita
L: spaghetti squash bake (I'm addicted. It's all good)
S: 2 oz low fat cheese, 1/2 banana
D: 1 cup black bean soup with sweet corn (another great experiment), 1 oz low fat cheese
S: 20 grapes, maybe some pomegranate (soooo good...)
Workout for today – probably none. Walked a little at lunch, but I’ll be in class till 8:15, home eating dinner at 8:30, and I have math homework due tomorrow.

This is another reason I can’t wait for classes to be over – SPINNING!!! I cannot freakin’ WAIT to get back in that spin room at the gym!

Ok, this post is pretty random, but it’s been a while since I have been able to post and I’m just spilling it all out there…

Keep moving forward…

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