Monday, October 28, 2013

Big Changes, Letting go for your own good.

Disclaimer: This post is NOT specifically weight-loss/fitness related. File this under the "Stuff" category.

The one thing in life you can always count on is change.

I wrote last week about my friend who passed away. Still no official word on what happened. His services were just this Saturday and it was incredibly sad. I hugged his wife and she was just a shell. You could see she barely heard what anyone said. His parents were the same. I hugged his sister extra tight. I just can’t imagine the pain of losing a brother/son/husband. Too much to even think about.

Then I got the shaft from a “good” friend of mine. I would have called him my “best” friend before Saturday night. He was my Man-of-Honor at my wedding. He is the God-Father of Thing 1. He and I have been friends since we were babies.


So, what happened? Well, there was a get-together at his house after the service on Saturday. I told him repeatedly to text me what time to come over. I canceled other plans. I sat and waited.

About 6:15 (service ended about 5:30) or so, I text him. I text my cousin (also invited to said get-together). No response from either. Hubby and I decide to go out (we were childless for the evening), but to stay close by in case I got a text back.

Around 8:00, I get a text – “Oops. Just got this text. Everyone will be leaving soon. I thought you ditched us”

Excuse me?

This doesn’t seem like a big deal, unless you also know a little back story. My “best” friend has done this repeatedly to me over the years. I’m forgotten. Conveniently not invited to things. I was hardly in his wedding (I sang for it). Of course, I was a bigger fatty then, and I probably would have fucked up the pictures or something (I can kinda see his wife feeling like that). I had my surgery in March, and I was home for more than 2 weeks from work. He knew this. I told him to come over several times. I really wanted to see him. He didn’t.

We haven’t actually gotten together in like, 2 years.

He lives about 1 mile from me.

So, the furious texting began. I let it all out.

He apologized profusely. His wife texted me an apology too. But at this point, I don’t care.

I’m tired of being forgotten by him. Put last on the list. I’m not asking to be first, I just want to be on it SOMEWHERE.

I thought about how few friendships I really have. Maybe it’s me. Maybe I am just so incredibly dull to be around that no one can maintain a friendship with me. Maybe my slight anti-socialism (I get nervous and uncomfortable around a lot of people when I don’t know them well) is my downfall. I’m not a drinker or a partier. I go to bed early because of the kids and workouts and church and the millions of other things I do. I’m not sure what it is. But, I have to do a lot of self-searching.

This story is a little convoluted. I know that if I had talked to him WAY before this about my hurt feelings, we wouldn’t have gotten into this. I was always afraid that if I approached him about it, he would just blow me off – maybe it wouldn’t be worth his time to work on the friendship. So I just kept bottling it all up. He works a ton, has a wife and 2 kids, one of which is only 2 months old. However, just as another example, I had to hear second hand that his wife was even pregnant. I never saw them the whole time. I had to send gifts through Amazon. I never even got a response to those gifts. I *think* they got them.

I’ve never met the baby.

You would think that after losing a friend so suddenly, I would be feeling the opposite way right now.

I would think:

“Life it too short, let it go”.

Instead, I’m thinking:

“Life is too short to cling to people who don’t care all that much about you”

What do YOU think? Mountain out of a molehill on my part? Any of you ever have to walk away from someone you have put your heart and soul into for your own good?


  1. Let it go. It's obvious your friend has let it go. And did you ever consider you were never the problem? I've walked away from a very popular "weight loss" blogger who lied about everything she ever told me (and other bloggers) and doesn't have an ounce of remorse about it. Her problem, not mine. I'm better off, and so are you, for that matter.

  2. Hi K
    Sometimes letting go of someone is the best thing you can do - for you and your own peace of mind. Got the tee-shirt on this one, I'm afraid. It's hurtful and hard, but a true friend 'makes' room for you in their life, however busy they are. To be honest, it doesn't really sound like that's the case here.
    Be at peace with your decision and take care of 'you'.

  3. Yes, we've done that: let go of a couple that were our best friends. It hurt - probably hurt us much more than it hurt them. Sometimes "let it go" means forgive and move on, and sometimes it means let go of a relationship that isn't feeding your soul.

    I don't have a lot of friends either - and none close by any more. So I know it's tough when you feel like you don't have that many to lose. OTOH, doesn't sounds like this guy has really been a friend for quite some time. Forgetting to let you know about the post service get together? Please, I don't believe he "forgot" - and given the circumstances, that sounds like a low & crappy thing to do.

  4. I wrote a very similar post to yours a week or so ago. I know exactly how you feel. I have two friends who repeatedly do what your friend did. In my case, we will talk about doing something and then...they go off and do it with someone else! All I can say is that you're better off without them. It hurts to lose friends, but we deserve better!