Big Changes, Letting go for your own good.

Disclaimer: This post is NOT specifically weight-loss/fitness related. File this under the "Stuff" category.

The one thing in life you can always count on is change.

I wrote last week about my friend who passed away. Still no official word on what happened. His services were just this Saturday and it was incredibly sad. I hugged his wife and she was just a shell. You could see she barely heard what anyone said. His parents were the same. I hugged his sister extra tight. I just can’t imagine the pain of losing a brother/son/husband. Too much to even think about.

Then I got the shaft from a “good” friend of mine. I would have called him my “best” friend before Saturday night. He was my Man-of-Honor at my wedding. He is the God-Father of Thing 1. He and I have been friends since we were babies.

Literally.

So, what happened? Well, there was a get-together at his house after the service on Saturday. I told him repeatedly to text me what time to come over. I canceled other plans. I sat and waited.

About 6:15 (service ended about 5:30) or so, I text him. I text my cousin (also invited to said get-together). No response from either. Hubby and I decide to go out (we were childless for the evening), but to stay close by in case I got a text back.

Around 8:00, I get a text – “Oops. Just got this text. Everyone will be leaving soon. I thought you ditched us”

Excuse me?

This doesn’t seem like a big deal, unless you also know a little back story. My “best” friend has done this repeatedly to me over the years. I’m forgotten. Conveniently not invited to things. I was hardly in his wedding (I sang for it). Of course, I was a bigger fatty then, and I probably would have fucked up the pictures or something (I can kinda see his wife feeling like that). I had my surgery in March, and I was home for more than 2 weeks from work. He knew this. I told him to come over several times. I really wanted to see him. He didn’t.

We haven’t actually gotten together in like, 2 years.

He lives about 1 mile from me.

So, the furious texting began. I let it all out.

He apologized profusely. His wife texted me an apology too. But at this point, I don’t care.

I’m tired of being forgotten by him. Put last on the list. I’m not asking to be first, I just want to be on it SOMEWHERE.

I thought about how few friendships I really have. Maybe it’s me. Maybe I am just so incredibly dull to be around that no one can maintain a friendship with me. Maybe my slight anti-socialism (I get nervous and uncomfortable around a lot of people when I don’t know them well) is my downfall. I’m not a drinker or a partier. I go to bed early because of the kids and workouts and church and the millions of other things I do. I’m not sure what it is. But, I have to do a lot of self-searching.

This story is a little convoluted. I know that if I had talked to him WAY before this about my hurt feelings, we wouldn’t have gotten into this. I was always afraid that if I approached him about it, he would just blow me off – maybe it wouldn’t be worth his time to work on the friendship. So I just kept bottling it all up. He works a ton, has a wife and 2 kids, one of which is only 2 months old. However, just as another example, I had to hear second hand that his wife was even pregnant. I never saw them the whole time. I had to send gifts through Amazon. I never even got a response to those gifts. I *think* they got them.

I’ve never met the baby.

You would think that after losing a friend so suddenly, I would be feeling the opposite way right now.

I would think:

“Life it too short, let it go”.

Instead, I’m thinking:

“Life is too short to cling to people who don’t care all that much about you”

What do YOU think? Mountain out of a molehill on my part? Any of you ever have to walk away from someone you have put your heart and soul into for your own good?