Everyday is a gift, and nothing is promised...

Sorry I was MIA all last week. I just didn’t feel like posting much. I had last Monday off with the hubby and minions, and well, it was awesome. We did fall crafts all last weekend, took things slow. Relaxed (as much as I can relax, that is). The kids were great. It was like a little “stay-cation”

Work last week was nothing really to write home about… I’ve got a good gig going here and I can’t screw it up. I want desperately to move along in my degree and I did some research into other programs. I found a distance learning program through Rutgers and I am pretty excited about the prospect. If I finished a ton of classes at Gateway and transferred those credits to the online program, I could do more classes at once and finish much sooner. It’s also less expensive than the 4 year program that is local to me. I wrote my advisor for her thoughts and I’m hoping to hear back from her soon. The light at the end of the tunnel might just be a *little* closer.

Got some bad news last night. A childhood friend of mine passed away suddenly. He was only 33. He had a beautiful wife and gorgeous twin boys who will be 1 year old next week. I cannot imagine his wife's heartbreak right now. I weep for her. I weep for him. I weep for our other friends who have regrets about their relationships. I weep for the loss. We do not know what happened to him yet, only that his wife found him slumped over in his chair in their yard... Things like this make you hold tighter to those you love. Everyday is a gift, and NOTHING is promised. Nothing.

*sigh*

In some more uplifting (no pun intended) news - I have some PR’s to report: 95# on my bench press x 3, and 120# on my back squat x 3. I’m still working the #45 single arm rows. My push-ups are getting much better… still working on those damn pull-ups.

I can’t WAIT to report triple digits on my bench press. I started out maxing at 80# on bench. I’m excited to see my progress.

On Saturday, after FMA, the hubs and I actually had some grown-up time while my kids visited with my mom. We went on an awesome 1.5 hour hike. It was amazing. The leaves changing, the crisp air. I LOVE fall. We actually found a trail that hubby had never been on before, and it led us up to the top of a huge rock with a gorgeous view of the water and trees. So incredible. As we were walking back to the car, I thought “I never could have done this a few years ago. Ever”.

More good news is I finally found a therapist. I’ve wanted to find someone for a long time to talk with, and schedule has always been an issue. But, I have finally found one. She sees people close to where I live, and she understands my incredibly full schedule. I felt comfortable with her and I think it’s going to work well.

Eating is good. No binging. No overeating. I feel calm about it. I am eating enough. I am eating when I am hungry. My weight is stable. I DO want it to go down. And it will go down. I am getting back into logging my food and I’m feeling OK with that – not anxious, not crazed. I don’t care when I get close to my calorie goal. I used to get so nervous when I got “too close” (to my already too low calorie goal) that I would either just not eat the rest of the day, or I would go totally overboard. Nope. Not one f*ck given. I’m striving for enough protein because I am lifting regularly. Besides that, my calories can be anything I want.

For an example: today’s menu:
- Coffee cocoa (with cinnamon – yum)
- Zucchini quiche with an apple
- Banana and PB
- Big salad with sunflower seeds, craisins, olives, peppers, carrots, good seasons dressing and lots of greens, ½ serving of butternut squash apple soup with brown rice (only ½ because I was VERY full)
- Coffee cocoa
- Before school: Other ½ of soup, 1 chicken meatloaf “muffin”
- After school: Garlic Honey chicken (crock pot recipe. So yummy), baked potato, steamed veggies.***
** This may not happen, only because sometimes I am so spent after my late class, all I want is my bed

I am very happy with this food plan today. It comes out to about 1900 calories.

Becuase I’ve just started tracking again, I don’t know exactly what my calorie intake has been for the last few months. It’s probably been in the mid 2000’s somewhere or I wouldn’t be maintaining. On days I don’t work-out, I will try to come in at around 2000, and on days I do workout, about I’ll go up to 2500 or so.

I will track and strive for these numbers for a while and see what happens. If I continue to maintain, I will slowly drop the calories, until I start to see a small drop in fat. So on and so forth.

I don’t care if it takes me a year to lose 30 lbs. Maybe longer. I want to be happy and relaxed about my food choices. I want to fuel that AWESOMENESS that is my lifting and workout life right now. THE END.