M.F.A. - Having a Day

I'm having a bit of a day, today, strivers. My math final is tomorrow, and my allergies are so bad I just want to put my head down and sleep. I don't think my allergies have EVER been this bad. My head feels like it weighs a ton, I'm itchy, sneezy, runny... my face is breaking out and itchy.

And yes, this is the week I decided it was a GREAT fucking idea to forgo all sugar.

Now I am chopping at the bit (no pun intended)to drown out the anxiety and stress with a bunch of treats. I know this feeling, guys. The feeling when you are right on the edge of saying "screw it". I know this edge so, so well.

Anger, frustration and melancholy abound. It sucks to have so any negative emotions tied to your food.

I added some peanuts to my plan today, because there is fucking cake and pastries all over the office for my bosses birthday. While everyone is standing around eating the fucking cake, I am noshing on peanuts, because I am starving today (on top of it all) and wondering if that 300 calorie bag of nuts is going to screw me, and thinking that 300 cals of cake would be much yummier.

But I ate the damn nuts instead.

I reached out to the hubby about my struggle. He's very supportive. But, at one point he says "But, if you have a piece, just have it with no guilt and move on. Tomorrow is another day"

That is all an addict needs to start the wheels turning.

"I could just "re-start" tomorrow. I'm so stressed. I can eat some treats tonight while I am studying to help keep me calm. Then, tomorrow, I will get back on track."

The edge, folk. There it is. 

I am crawling away from the edge. I'm doing the best I possibly can right now. 

Today, breakfast was big, because I woke up starving! 

coffee, quiche, banana, 1 tb PB

It could be because MAYHEM last night was UN-real! I'm very sore today - in the good way, of course.

Me, post Mayhem. Wow.

Lunch today. I totally get that this does not look attractive, but it tasted great. The end of the Mexican spiced chicken and a bag of steamed green beans. 

It really is good. I promise.

Snack was the same as yesterday. Cottage cheese and blueberries. You don't need to see a pic.

Dinner tonight. I think it's going to be pasta night for the family, so I will make some meatballs and sauce for me. Parm cheese. Salad on the side. Then I plan on studying in my room. Away from the kitchen.

Muther Fucking Addiction. 

Keep moving forward.