Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Breathe in, breathe out

Breathe in deeply. Fill your lungs, your belly. Let it out. In again, through the nose, and out through the mouth...
Ok. Everything happens for a reason. The only thing constant is change. Time never stops moving.
I did not go to the gym today. I ate poorly. I was tired, headache-y and downright crabby.
And this, my friends, is life.
Life is not always going to be 5-6 days at the gym. Life is not always going to be a healthy eating day. Life is not always going to include free or easily accessible childcare, or hearing about that job you want, or your class registration working correctly, or your tests being graded on time, or your grandmother making a miraculous recovery.
All of these things would have lead me down a destructive path not so long ago. As a compulsive and binge eater, any life setback, major or minor, would have normally resulted in a long period (sometimes hours, sometimes days) of over eating and/or binging. Hiding in my room with my drug of choice, wishing all the bad things away. But guess what? When you wake up in the morning, with chocolate frosting in your hair, candy wrappers strewn around the room and a wicked stomach ache - those bad things, those issues, whatever they are, are STILL THERE. Not only are they still there, but now, I had added the additional issue of feeling guilt, disgust, and physically ill. Good. Job.
What I have learned over the last few years (VERY SLOWLY) is that every moment is a new moment to make a good choice. No, I will not always make a good choice in that moment, or maybe the next or the next, but every moment is a clean slate, a fresh start. Because of this, I am able to let "slips" go much more easily, without the overwhelming guilt, the judgement and hatred of myself. All of those things only kept me on the yo-yo - binging, dieting, overeating, dieting, binging....etc. How exhausting.
I would categorize today as a slip. I didn't eat well for the evening, I didn't visit the gym. However, I am going to go to bed early, and give my body some much needed rest, and tomorrow, I will wake up with no guilt. No self-loathing. I will go about my day as I normally have. Eating as well as possible, moving as much as I can. It's all I can ask of myself. It's all anyone SHOULD ask of themselves.

1 comment:

  1. Kel - I love you and am so proud of you and how you are handling all this stuff that is going on - I would have lost it. Well I have actually but well you are actually helping me I am inspired by you and how you are handling, well, life.

    Please dont forget that I love you and am here if you ever need anything