Sometimes...

Sometimes I am incredible jealous of those who took charge of their shit earlier than I did. I read several blogs of people who made the decision, probably 100 lbs lighter than I was at the time of my surgery, to get the procedure, and use their tool correctly. 

I read a post this morning of a lovely girl who lost a bunch of weight, put on a bunch of weight, and then decided to have the surgery. She has now lost 130 lbs and and weighs about 120.

Her current weigh is 80 lbs lighter than my current weight.

I struggle.

A lot.

And then I see this. I am happy for this person. Look, I want us ALL TO MAKE IT.

I guess maybe I wouldn't "mind" the struggle so much if I was another... I dunno... 50 lbs lighter. 

If I had just stopped being so stubborn, thinking that (without any functioning knowledge of nutrition and exercise - only fad crap) I could "do it myself"...

And I ballooned higher and higher.

I could have EASILY qualified for my surgery 50-100 lbs LIGHTER than the 365 lbs I was when I went in.

I know, hindsight and all that shit.

I don't wallow in it, but I think about it. 

Sometimes I pout and bitch about it like a child. Then I put it away and focus again.

Keep moving forward...