Monday, September 19, 2011

The journey

I know my last post was mopey and sour - sorry for that. It really was upsetting to think I would have to stay flabby forever - constantly working to stay the same. No amount of strength training is going to tighten up this flab. Trust me. If I get brave one day, I'll post pics of my bat wings... I could seriously take flight.
I am going to appeal to my insurance company. I will wait a few months, lose more weight and revisit the doctor for new pictures. Hopefully it will work.
My eating is in a great place right now. Not that I'm not struggling some (with the home made coffee crumb cake sitting next to my desk) but I am feeling empowered about being sugar free. I don't feel sucked into food, and I am feeling *less* consumed by it.
The scale is showing the results of this work. But I will not post a loss until I am at a new lowest weight. I will NOT sabatoge myself this time. It's done. Enough, now.
I have come to the conclusion that I can't just have a little sugar. It never stops there. It might stop there one day, but then the next day there must be more, and more, and more till I am days/weeks into sugar sugar sugar everyday throughout the day. Feeling out of control. Telling myself "tomorrow will be better" "tomorrow I'll start again".
No more.
Hubby said maybe someday I'll be able to have some sugar and feel ok. I dunno. Maybe. I kind of compare it to an alcoholic who is sober for years and thinks they can have 1 beer.
Does that really happen? Probably not. Not without a whole lotta struggle to maintain control afterwards.
People who aren't sugar sensitive would have a hard time understanding this, I think. They may think that I am causing my mental consumption with sugar because I am depriving myself of it.
Look, our bodies don't need added sugars. I'm not depriving myself of any nutritional value. In fact, when I am out of sugar I am eating whole foods. Veggies, protein, some whole fiberous grains and some fruit. I have dairy. I am eating well. And the facts are fact: When I stop eating sugar, I FEEL BETTER. I feel emotionally and mentally and physically better.
So, how can that be wrong?
Anyway... Working out has slowed way down. I am giving my heel and my mind a chance to rest. I've concentrated a lot this past week on my diet. I feel like I really want to move tonight, so I will do a video or something. Something fun, that gets me pumped and burns a ton of calories. I'm not doing it for the calorie burn, I am doing it because my body is craving the movement. When I feel very stable in my eating, I will find a workout routine that works for me and for where I am in my journey right now. It won't be everyday. It will probably be more along the lines of 3-4 days per week.
I think I was getting a *little* exercise obsessed... but I think it has to do with the idea that I was trying to "make up" for my sugared out self. Trying to burn off what I was consuming.
LOL. There was NO WAY I could have kept up with that!
So. Here we are. In a slightly different place, but moving along in the total right direction for me, for right now.
Where are you at right now? Do you feel like you're on a good path? Have you made any big changes recently?

1 comment:

  1. In doing research for my tummy tuck, I NEVER once came across anyone who got it covered by insurance. It's so cosmetic and can be lived with - it's just annoying as hell - but I get why they don't cover it. But I knew my journey would never ever be complete without it....keep your chin up - you'll find a way.