Friday, October 7, 2011

Coming Clean

Coming clean. It's hard. I feel like I've been in a slow decline. I fight and fight to gain ground, and I slip in my own stupidity.

Unfortunately, it's not my WEIGHT going down... it's my spirits and my will.

I have NO excuses. I have only myself to blame. It's obviously up to ME to make this happen. NO ONE is doing it for me.

Soooo.... why am I not doing it?

I couldn't tell you. I have no idea.

How can I possibly expect to help people with their weight loss battle when I can't conquer my own?

After my surgery, the best thing I experienced was not my weight loss. It was the freedom of being off the yo-yo cycle. Not thinking about food. Just going on with my daily life, eating what I knew to eat, and nothing else. It was SO freeing. It felt amazing.

I just want that feeling back again. I want to be free. I want to just eat what I know to eat, and be done with it.

I am obsessing. I am stressing. It's awful.

I was going to quit my challenge, because I feel like I am letting my fellow challengers down, and especially out leader, Allan. I was told there are NO QUITTERS. And it made me feel better. Because, I can't quit. I can't quit the challenge, I can't quit exercising and tracking and TRYING.

I can never ever quit trying.

Tomorrow morning I am going to my amazing, beloved Tuff Girl Bootcamp. I am SO excited to go there and sweat my whining out. I need a good, whippin', apparently! And, I have a feeling I'll get it tomorrow morning.

I will never stop trying. I will never quit. I can't be "that" WLS person who gains all their weight back.

I will never be the IFG again.

I'll be here, complaining updating this weekend on how the hell I am going to get my shit moving again.

Advise. Smack-downs, support, all accepted.


  1. Okay girl...we're going to grab the boot straps and pull together! We can do this. Food is a daily struggle. Life is a daily struggle! When this time comes again (because unfortunately it does), look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you deserve to be healthy. YOU deserve to be the weight you desire.

    Kelliann...YOU DESERVE THIS!!!

    Jump back on this bandwagon. Come on, babe, you can do it :) We're here for you!

  2. Stress is like enemy #1 for weight loss.. Well, that and cupcakes. I can't speak for the other challengers, but I know that I'm struggling at the moment too. We can help drag each other through the next week ;)

  3. Just found your blog through Allan and am here to encourage. I love your before and after pictures. You have done so well losing 160 pounds! and your goal is right before you.

    I can assure you that we ALL go through the slow periods when we think another pound is beyond us but if we stay consistent, we win. You can finish this and you can stay at a good weight. The fact that you say with conviction that you know what to eat is enough to know that you can finish. We'll cheer you on. :)

  4. Girl, we all get to the hard parts, when the wind at our backs subsides and we have to just trudge through the mud and ditches to make progress in the journey. You're in a bit of the mire now, but you'll fight through. YOU WILL. With Allan's challenge and your challenger supporters and blog readers and friends and'll do it.

    You're what, 2 years out of surgery? Yeah, the honeymoon phase is over. Everyone has that honeymoon period post WLS. Everyone. The weight drops. Appetite drops. Eating right is easy. Losing is easy.'s crunch time. You gotta find the resolve in your soul to fight back regain or plateau.

    You will do this. You knew it was coming. It's not news, right? You're now in the midst of the WLS marriage. Honeymoon over, and daily work of commitment taking hold to keep the joy and happiness and progress and dreams.

    I totally know you have killer bootstraps to pull. Go for it!

  5. I looked at your photos and the only thing that came to mind was:


    WOW! Are you sure that's the same person? If you don't hear whistles everywhere you go, get ready for it. If you don't hear any, it's only because you have kids with you (those cause the men to zip their lip and whistle in their mind instead of out loud.)

    Amazing transformation. You must be an inspiration to many people. Congratulations for doing such a good thing for your health, for your family... and for eyeballs everywhere. ;o)

  6. I was glad to read that you are doing something about the doldrums you find yourself in at the moment. We all go through this. Giving up and gaining back weight will only make it take longer to get to your goal weight plus the emotional toll it will take is not worth it. We can only support and encourage you - you have to do the heavy lifting. Are you up to it? I say "yes, you are". What say you?

  7. You can do this. There is nothing that tastes as good as recovery from obesity feels. You have children who will be shaped by what you eat today. You are an inspiring lady. Look in the mirror and give yourself a big hug.


  8. Just keep pushing forward. You've come a long way and I know from experience that you need to start really loving that person in the mirror, some days are tougher than others. Just keep looking at how far you've come and where you want to go from here. You do look amazing!!!!