Monday, October 24, 2011

I'm a fraud?

Coming through a sucky day emotionally. Sitting and thinking about my pitiful attitude today, I start thinking about confidence. That was my nose dive issue today. I start to feel like a big fraud. A faker. A liar. How could I ever go out into the world and help people lose weight when I have such a hard time keeping myself going? Why would anyone wanna listen to ME?
So, that leads me to wonder about my self confidence and how I just had this conversation with the hubs yesterday. Except I was talking to HIM about HIS lack of self confidence and feeling of self worth. Then here I am today, plummeting into the gutter.
When I think of strong, high self confidence, I think of my trainer at Bodyology, Christa. She is the essence of confidence and strength. Something not working? Easy. Change it. Body not responding the way you want? Easy. Work it harder. All these things are totally correct. But she makes them appear effortless. I have no reservations about following her to the end of the earth and back, because her self confidence draws me to her. Wonder if she has ever doubted herself. Ever. I wish I could work with her all the time. If I had the cash, I would make the time. She doesn't just change bodies, she changes attitudes and confidence.
Hey Christa, if you're reading - need an intern or something? I'll mop up sweat, or whatever else you need for a chance to work out in class few times a week! :-)
Don't get me wrong. These sweat sessions are worth EVERY CENT plus more... But, as they say, you can't get blood from a stone.
So. Where do you find lost self confidence? I guess you have to just dig around and find it yourself. No one is going to do it for you. I know it sounds whiny, but sometimes I wish someone would! lol
I've been trying to do little things that make me feel good about myself. I went and got my nails done for the first time in about 10 years. This morning, took the time to straighten my hair. I put on a little more makeup an normal. But, what's funny is by the end of today, I felt like a mess. The hair was a wreck, makeup half off... So, I found myself wondering why I put in the effort. Maybe its just not "me" to do these things. How can you go from feeling good and confident in the morning to a shoddy, fraudy mess in the afternoon?
I confuse myself.
So, for real, do all people go through this? Am I really crazy? It's ok, you can tell me if I am!


  1. all people go through this!! all parents of small children go through this with merry-go-round frequency. all great people become great because they want to change something about themselves, which means they've must've doubted that they were good enough the way they were. i mean the following in true sincerity....


  2. Remember Kell, things that you did for yourself 10 years ago, won't have same happy-causing effect now. You've grown. You need to find things for yourself that make you happy now. I found that I like yard work. Weird as that sounds, I am really enjoying it. I feel like cleaning that stuff up is like cleaning out the crap in my head. Try something new, you never know where it may take you.

  3. I watch for the crazy hour - that time in the afternoon where I feel my spirits droop and my feelings spike. When I feel that way I do some deep breathing, freshen my face, drink some sparkling water and remember that I am fabulous, damn it! AND SO ARE YOU!


  4. Yes, everyone goes through this, no matter what age you are. The thing is, to keep trying to believe in you. List all the good things in your head and throw away all those negative, space invading thoughts. You only have space for positive in your head. Right? Sounds easy, doesn't it? Nope, is damn hard. And don't think your trainer never goes through this...I am sure she does. She just can't show you because she is paid to be positive. So my advice is to focus on all the positive things you have done, how many people you have influenced, myself, Lu, etc....and take it from there. You ROCK!!!

  5. Christa has problems too. Those of us who battle weight (a problem that is there for all to see) can make the mistake of thinking those who don't have our same battle don't have battles at all. Christa is going ahead in spite of them - just like you have to do. Just like I have to do.

  6. At the end of the day, the weight loss is for you, and for your family..The rest, not so much...

  7. been there.
    felt that.

    I think we all have.



  8. I have always had self confidence, my hubby, on the other hand does not. It drives me nutso. But I try to understand. But he pushes his insecurities onto me and I hate it.