Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Candy-coated shell...

Hi. I'm here. Having a shitty day... patients dying, doctors talkin' smack...overly dramatic actors having diva fits...delightful. More than any other time in the past few weeks I want to eat the candy sitting in my bosses office. It would be so easy. No one would even bat an eye - it's so common-place in this office to eat mounds of candy. You are practically an outsider if you DON'T.

I'm not going to, because my own sanity is more important. Those damn
M&M's won't bring my patients back. They won't keep diva's from being diva's. They won't give one of the doctors I work for any common sense or respect for anyone else.

But they would taste good. And they would give me a moment. A moment of peace, calm, relaxation. I would feel good. However, it would be very, very short-lived. Then the obsession would begin. The excuses. The shame. The worry. The pain. Ultimately, the weight gain (because it's bound to continue)

Doesn't sound so good anymore.

All I can do right now is ask God to help me feel calm and to move through these feelings.

Another test tonight. Behind on homework... feeling sunk. Looking forward to Spring Break week so I can relax after work at least a *few* nights! Then this summer - no classes - ahh... no classes, no teaching... what will I do with all that time?

Oh, I will think of SOMETHING!

I did an at-home Tuff Girl workout last night. There is just some magic in that studio... when you go, you just work harder - it's like, instinctual! I did it, I got my sweat on, but I don't think I worked as hard as I could have.

Well, back to the grind. The only good thing about having a test tonight is I can leave as soon as I am done. I will get home just in time to smooch Thing 1 good-night. Then dinner, and dive into past due homework. I wanted to go to an online OA meeting tonight (I LOVE these – so great since my schedule is so hectic) but I honestly don’t think there are enough hours to get it in…

On the bright side – it’s supposed to be 60 degrees tomorrow… Shut the FRONT DOOR that will be fabulous! Daylight savings this weekend. I hate losing an hour of sleep, but I LOVE getting some daylight back! SWEET!


  1. No matter what sweetie, you are doing what you should be: focusing on yourself and your journey. I am sorry about your patients :( That truly hurts. Hoping and praying for peace and calm for you in your heart and mind. ((hugs))

  2. Masturbating in a time of crisis works for me... Oh, my bad, wrong blog... No candy

    1. well, I AM looking for a replacement for the candy... :-)