Wednesday, February 13, 2013

It comes down to trust

I have to say I am a little sad I didn’t get more support on yesterdays post  post. 36 views and one comment. It’s ok. I know what many of you may be thinking – not weighing myself is an excuse to eat poorly. I understand where you may be coming from, and all I can say is – it cannot be further from the truth.
Just to give you a snap shot of food yesterday:
Oatmeal, egg white, blueberries
Ezekiel bread, PB
Chicken bites (clean, made at home), 4 quinoa bites (clean, made at home)
Carrots and hummus
Salad with romaine, spinach, peppers, tomatoes, carrots, a few olives and 1 tbs home made dressing
air popped popcorn

A little on the carby side, I realized. But calories still in check. I AM still logging food into Livestrong – I can only trust myself a little at a time!
That’s what I think this is coming down to. I have never trusted myself with anything related to eating properly, weight loss, or exercise. I always question myself. I could be dizzy and dry-heaving in a workout and I would look back and wonder if I could have done more, or if there was an excuse somewhere there. The same goes with food and anything related to this path I’m on. (Yes, Norma, I will refrain from using the term “journey” – lol)
Excuses got me to 365 lbs, and I am never, ever going anywhere NEAR there again.
But at what point can you say that you can trust yourself? Such a hard question for me. I am still nervous about it, but not weighing myself is freeing me to focus on my other goals. The numbers on the weights I lift going up, the height on my box jump going up, the strength of my arms, back and chest for a pull-up.
I’ve decided to purchase the book The New Rules of Lifting for Women I’ve heard really good things about it, and I think it will help me be more consistent with my lifting and progress. I get an awesome workout with weights when I go to Bodyology, but that’s only once a week. I enjoy my Group Power class, but that’s just once a week. I want a plan I can do at home, if needed, or something I can do at the gym without a class. Walking into the free weight section at the gym is a little intimidating, so I really want to know what I am going to do before I get over there – I don’t want to look like an ass. I should be getting my book Friday. I would love to start it ASAP – I still have 20 days till surgery, and I feel like I could only benefit from it, even if I have to stop in the middle for a bit. Then, I would just start from the top again once my doc gives me the go-ahead.
Have any of you out there used the book? I understand there is a"diet" involved in it. I will certainly take a look at the info, but I am getting it for the weight lifting program. I think they probably advocate for clean eating, anyway...I know Dr. PlumPetals  has used it, and has now moved on to using the original. Any thoughts, guys?
snap shot of today’s eats:
Ezekiel bread, PB
black bean soup, sprinkle of feta cheese
Red peppers, hummus
Not sure about dinner yet, but I have been loving my salads. However, I need some more protein, so I’ll have to see what I can cook up to go with it.
Water, water, water

Won’t make it to my Group Power class tonight – it’s Ash Wednesday, and the choir is singing at this evening’s service. I’m fairly sure I can make it to the gym tomorrow after work and before choir practice. I’ll be red and maybe a little sweaty, but hey, they’ll deal.
More snow in the forecast for this evening (just a few inches, I guess) – Thing 1 BETTER have school tomorrow. He hasn’t had it since LAST Thursday. They are also predicting a much heavier snowfall – perhaps even another blizzard, for Sunday into Monday. I give up.
Any of you guys out there have trust issues with YOURSELF like I do?


  1. Don't feel bad about the comments.....people read but sometimes don't know what to say so they just wish you well in their head. lol

  2. Sorry about the comments, but don't feel bad... I know *I* didn't comment because I had nothing helpful at all to say -- I, at this point, cannot imagine how my weight would spiral out of control if I didn't weigh myself. But you seemed so comfortable with the decision and doing it for good reasons, I didn't want to bring you down!

  3. I *had* the book...let my friend borrow it & never got it back. ;) It's good from what I remember; definitely will give you the structure to make a strength training program for yourself. The Female Body Breakthrough by Rachel Cosgrove is another good one, similar in theme.

    I hesitated before commenting on your previous post. I need a scale. I think anyone who is actively losing weight, gaining fitness, and changing her life and body needs a scale. I think anyone who's ever been overweight, has gotten to normal/fit/whatever, and is in maintenance needs a scale.

    Based only my own experience, I know that it's still way too easy to push the tighter jeans to the back of the closet and reach for the sweatshirt instead of the tank top.

    I will never fully trust myself around certain foods any more than a recovering alcoholic would trust herself to start tending bar;e.g., there will NEVER be a container of ice cream or a bowl of pasta in my house. Never. I will never fully trust myself to maintain and be honest with myself without some measurable, visible cue to alert me to what's going on with my body. Even after nearly five years of maintenance (it'll be five years in May), I would never ever ever stop weighing myself regularly, and never would have considered abandoning the scale during active loss.

    But you're not me. And you explained the rationale for the decision well, so I assume you've thought it through and have a plan in place to make sure that the lack of feedback from a device doesn't send you into a mindfuck situation as it would for me (in my Fat Years, it didn't matter what I ate or how much of it, because it wasn't like I was going to weigh myself and see the numeric consequences...but you're not me; maybe your brain won't sabotage you as mine would).

  4. I was one of those that read your post and agreed and wished you well in my head. But, I understand needing some encouragement when you are making a big move. I have felt the same way you do. The scale becomes so important that it can sabotage your healthy thinking depending on what it says. So, it sounds like putting it away and doing the best you can with eating and exercising may be the best course for you.

  5. I do hope it goes well for you.
    I feel like hiding the scale or weighing frequently every day is just another control issue we have to take back.
    I need my scale to keep on track. However I have to work on my self control to not overweigh as well as underweigh. If I took mine away I'd feel like the scale had control over me.

  6. I echo Norma and Rae Rae Js posts. They said what I feel.

    I felt I supported you better with my silence because nothing I say would be encouraging to your decision. You must have your own experiences to know if this will work for you.

    I hope you find peace in these next 2+ weeks before your surgery. I am so happy you have this opportunity.