PROGRESS!

Friday, February 15, 2013

Like a nesting pregnant woman...

Friday. Thank you, Jesus.
Why is it that “short” weeks (I was off Monday because of the blizzard) seem so. Damn. Long! ACK!
Ok, anyway. It’s only 18 days till my surgery. I’m starting to get VERY nervous. But I’m not the only one, my husband is having some serious anxiety that he is taking out on the house. What do I mean by that? Well, he is going on a serious-crazy-cleaning spree. I swear he is like a nesting pregnant woman. No lie. When I inquired why he felt we needed to do things like clean out the attic and the basement, like, THIS WEEKEND, he started to reveal the anxiety. Things like:
“What if you come home after surgery and trip on something?”
“When you come home, you won’t be able to clean and I don’t want anything around that will drive you crazy” (‘Cause it would)…
So I am thinking there is some anxiety brewing, for sure.
I wish I could quell his fear, but it’s difficult when I’m having some of my own. We will talk more about it this weekend.  Apparently, while we are cleaning the house from top to bottom.
Anyway, our office is once again filled with baked goods and we had our employee appreciation luncheon today, which of course, includes food. I ate the lunch I brought right before and had some salad with vinegar at the luncheon.  It’s a co-workers birthday, and 2 people saw fit to bring in cake. 2, we have 2 cakes, cookies from yesterday, and for some reason, some boxed coffee cake and doughnuts.
WTF, people.
Now, most of the office is on the mid-afternoon snack kick and they are swarming the food like buzzards on fresh kill. Yum. Blech.
Eats today:
Ezekiel and PB
Banana
3 oz chicken breast, 1 oz red fat cheese, 3 oz sweet potato, diced
Salad, mostly nutritionally void iceberg, some baby greens, cucumber and vinegar.
½ red pepper, 0.75 oz red fat cheese
Dinner – unknown. I would love some spicy shrimp and quinoa with some steamed veggies, but I may settle for a salad. Not sure. Not feeling all that excited about it.

I hate the way that the presence of food I am choosing not to eat, but crave, makes me feel. Edgy, anxious, resentful…angry even. I don’t want to feel this way. I really hate it that it brings me down. When I get down, I am more likely to overeat or binge. I feel good that I am recognizing these things now, and can take steps to stay far away from “that place”.
Right now, drinking water like it’s my job. I have eaten my food at work for the day, and the frenzy of the “treats” seems to have died down a little. I am feeling very confident I won’t have a problem getting through the rest of the day without a lapse in judgment.
Interesting situation… I haven’t mentioned it yet, but today’s events are leading me to wonder…
Last weekend I passed out. Very, very briefly, at home. We were all home, and I didn’t get hurt, because I fell against our armchair and it cushioned my fall. It was literally seconds. I got up quickly from a chair, felt very lightheaded and suddenly, everything sort of faded into black. Then, I was on the floor. Weird. I felt totally fine after I gathered myself together. I haven’t really thought about it much. Today, however, when I get up from my desk at work, I am feeling that similar lightheadedness, but not to the extreme of last weekend. Any ideas? I haven’t been GREAT about water today (maybe have had 40 oz till now, and I just downed 23 more). I don’t remember how “good” I was with water that day.
I know fainting in general is a drop in blood pressure… hmmm… I dunno.
So, it’s 3:23 on Friday morning, and I’m counting down the last hour. I hope you all have a great, healthy weekend. I’ve got Bodyology on tap for tomorrow morning, and for Monday evening. Sunday will be the gym – TRX and such with hubby.
Peace, all!

3 comments:

  1. I understand what you are saying about how having that food around makes you feel. I'm still having a hard time at restaurants, not my food choices but looking at the food choices of others. Uncomfortable comes to mind. I'm hoping it will go away with time, but I am not counting on it. I can live with the feelings being around that food brings, and refuse to live with the guilt and fat that EATING those foods bring. 18 days away, how exciting!! Keep up the good work!

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  2. I used to pass out when I wasn't eating enough and I knew it. If that's not the case and it happens again, get yourself to a doc before your surgery girl. Make sure everything is good to go and you have the green light!

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  3. Four words: Tell your surgeon now.

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