Accept, Courage, Know.

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

The serenity to accept - this is a toughie. I have a very hard time accepting things and moving on. Some might call it "giving it to God". Why can't I let things go? I hold on to them and let them eat me up inside. We (my job) lost a little baby this weekend, and I can't stop thinking about the pain and loss this poor family is enduring. I have never met them, but I cry at the thought of this loss. These kinds of things build up in me. I am continually striving to "let things go".

Courage to change - well, this is a dozy, right? I mean, aren't we all here for change? But the courage... the courage to actually change is what is important. You can just *try* to change... and "just trying" doesn't cut it. But, when you muster your courage to make major changes, and KEEP your courage - that is when real change happens. Courage is hard.

Wisdom to know - wouldn't we all like to think we have wisdom? I would love to think that. But I am learning (gaining wisdom) that along this path, this wisdom is only something you gain by experience. I have not had enough experience to have the wisdom to know the difference between something I can change, and something I need to give to God. Those who think they are wise, are, well, probably not. Profound, huh?

Many people know the Serenity Prayer. I have been saying it a lot lately. And not just saying it, but really trying to believe it and live with it.

The weekend was hard. I had a slip - well, I would call it a relapse - and I am feeling blue. But what I have discovered is that *this weekend* wasn't the issue. It was the problems leading up to the weekend. I wasn't letting ANYTHING go. I was keeping it all in, festering. Every mean patient phone call, all the anger, resentment, sadness, disappointment. Feeling all of these things because of situations I CAN NOT CHANGE. I have NO CONTROL, and yet I let these things live in me and burn me up.

There is NO wisdom in this.

I am a work in progress. I always will be, because no one is perfect. I can only be the best me that I can be. The best me I can be is someone who is not taken over by food and sugar.