Monday, July 30, 2012

Soggy post - a little long!

I was going to write this weekend. But I did NOT have a a good Friday night.

I ate things I should not eat. In amounts I should not eat them in.

It is what it is. I made the decision to do it. I take responsibility.

Boy, was I paying for it BIG time the next day. My body was in NO WAY happy about the junk I put in there. Woh. I have never experienced such a violent revolution.... DAMN.

But, I deserved it.

My husband came along for the crappy eating journey and at one point he said

"Oh my God. We used to eat like this ALL the time. And we used to eat a LOT more. How did we do it?"

And it's true. We used to eat TONS more than we did on this one not-so-hot evening. It's hard to remember...

Saturday and Sunday were back in action (Inner-fat-girl was kicking and screaming for more). Tuff Girl Workout on Saturday morning to sweat out some of my indiscretions (if only in my head - weight loss is 80% diet, people! Can't "undo" food-anything with even the best workout!) and a 2.5 mile run last night after packing up and moving my in-laws ALL DAY yesterday.

I got on the scale Sunday morning. I knew it would be the absolute worst time post binge-o-rama. I needed to see that bad number to remind me how easy it is to go back.

And it is waaayyyyy too easy for that weight to pile back on.

It's looking like I am going to have to stop my Tuff Girl workouts. I was just gifted 6 workouts from a woman who moved out of state and had a few workouts left. It was an AMAZING gift, and one I appreciated beyond measure. So, I have 5 of those workouts left. After that, I will be unable to purchase any more. Money is so incredibly tight, especially since I stopped the second job. I'm trying to stretch each dollar. The only reason I was able to purchase the last set of 10 workouts was because I got paid for my little teaching job I did over the Spring semester. That check (albeit VERY SMALL for an entire semester of work!) was just enough to get me my 10 class punch card... there is nothing else coming in. That's it.

I can't tell you how much I am going to miss going there. SO much of my motivation, encouragement and strength is filtered through that studio, my trainer, and the people I workout with.

Yes, I will workout at home. I can go to the gym. I can, and will figure it out. But it has become a huge part of my life. There will be a huge void.

Money is a big source of suck-age right now. Hubby and I kept thinking that in the fall, things would get so much better, because Thing 1 would be moving into Kindergarten and we would only be paying daycare for Thing 2. But, because of certain circumstances, the finances won't really change at all. As a matter of fact, they are going to get worse. It's a very complicated issue to explain. And really, just this weekend I figured it out myself. Talk about a bubble bursting. There were tears, I'll be honest. That may or may not have been a contributing factor to Friday evenings craptastic events. (Perhaps the funeral I attended on Friday was a factor as well), but these things are neither here nor there.

I promised you a link to a project, but it's still not done. I'll give you an idea. I have set up a page on a popular donation/fundraising site. I am fundraising to have my excess skin surgery. I have an appointment on Sept. 6 with a surgeon who specializes in skin removal after massive weight loss. I'm excited to meet with her and see what she can do for me. She is also, apparently, very good at working with insurance companies to get the tummy tucks covered. Remember, this is not a normal tummy tuck. This is a tummy tuck after 170 + pounds of fat loss. This is not a little spare skin hanging over the top of my jeans. This is needing to buy jeans a size larger to fit the excess skin inside. Insurance CAN cover this, if you fight it enough. However, they will not cover the skin removal from my arms, and they, when all is said and done, may NOT cover my tummy. That's where this website comes in.

It's not ready yet because I want to include some video of my workouts with Tuff Girl and a personal video where everyone will be able to see me, hear my story, and actually see the offending skin. I really want this on the site before I will launch the site live.

But I must confess - now that we are having day-to-day monitary issues, I don't know how I feel about launching it at all. My goals was to have the surgery in October, but issues with my time off of work (as in, I wouldn't have enough saved) bumped it to January. Now? Who knows. Maybe it's too selfish to do it... I don't know.

Ok, I know this whole post is a little soggy. Sorry about that. I'm here, I'm listening to you all. I'm soldiering on. How about you??


  1. Never fear, you aren't the only one who saw a bad number this weekend. I didn't weigh this morning because I have my fingers crossed a bit of it is water retention, lol. I will see tomorrow.
    I have the same issues with the skin, :(
    Back on the wagon we go!

  2. Well, you did the best thing you can possibly do after some bad ass eating and that is to get right back on the horse! So good for you.

    Sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now - but you can get through it. Just keep doing your thing -- you will know when it is time time to launch your site. It will feel right. :) Hang in there, girl.

  3. HA, you are so right's wayyyy too easy to put it back on. And to me that's because it takes concerted effort to take it off, with minimal effort to just "let go". But you know what to do, you are strong, and don't let one bad weekend get to you. And Jenn and Rae Rae or right - back on the wagon we go!