Saturday, June 4, 2011

oddly triumphant

Weekends are always tough. This morning I started out with an AMAZING Tuff Girl workout, and got to work out with a FAB partner, Cari. She is more fit than I, and I felt really accomplished that I could even keep up. But I did. I really did. I felt great, and we were a good cheering section for each other.
When I got home, I felt like I hit a wall. I was exhausted, and my allergies were (are) worse then they have ever been. I had a good, healthy breakfast and soon we had to be on our way to a birthday party (with a stop on the way) and my mothers house after. Full afternoon. I grabbed some almonds and a Vitatop on the way out the door, but I should have prepared more. Thank goodness there were veggies at the party, so hubs and I snacked on those while Thing 1 scarfed down some mac and cheese... we bypassed all the party grub, and I was feeling hungry... almonds already gone, I shared my vitatop with the hubs. Finally, we head to my moms, get some work done there. By the time we took out food to eat, I was past hungry into the nauseous stage. So, I ate. A lot. Not bad stuff, but I ate more than I should of - hummus and crackers to start, then, a cheeseburger on a regular ol' white bun, and some salad (which is actually amazingly delish and I will share it soon). When I came home and tallied it all up - I had exceed my calories for the day... this is where logging my food SOMETIMES causes me trouble. I see that I have exceeded my calories (and yes, I see that I still BURNED more calories than I ate!) and I start to say to myself "just screw it - eat whatever. You've already screwed up for the day"... oh that inner fat girl loves to taunt me with her black and white thinking. I thank GOD for my husband, who, when I exclaimed that I NEEDED (note, not WANTED; NEEDED) ice cream, gently redirected my thought process. He's amazing like that.
I had to just sit with the feelings I was experiencing. I felt anxious, angry, depressed... all because why? Because I went over my freakin calories for the day by 400. Ok, there was more to it - it was that in combo with not feeling well and being super tired - and they all aligned perfectly for a binge.
With the help of my husband, I was able to get through the worst of it and realize that I would feel a HELL of a lot worse if I had gone with that instinct and eaten. In the end, when I cleared my head, I realized that I am STILL in a deficit, I made good choices today, and I have to plan a little better for super busy days. I got in a great workout, and I made a good choice for my body to not fill it with garbage.
So, I'm achy, itchy and tired. I'm off to do my 100 crunches and then going in for a hot shower and to bed. Can't wait to hit that pillow.
I am praying that I can begin "regrouping" more and more easily and quickly when my emotions run away with me and I feel the urge to stuff them down with food. Until then, I am so grateful to have my husband - he is such an amazing support for me.

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