Back in the saddle again...

I did it. I worked out last night, and for a very funny reason.
I walked in from work about 5PM, Josh comes bolting toward me, throwing himself on me. Sam is kicking around, laughing away, the hubs is cooking some turkey burgers for dinner. Nice. Josh almost immediately tells me he wants to do an exercise video with me (he sees me doing them all the time) He takes out his little bean-bag weights and starts lifting them - "check out my muscles, Mama!" he yells, so proud. He couldn't be cuter, so I promised him we would do a workout video after Sammy was in bed. So, that's what we did. Of course, he took part in approx 5 minutes of it, and I finished out the 45. By 25 minutes in, he wanted me to stop and color, but I reminded him that HE had wanted to do this, and that I had to finish it!

He joined in with me on the "fun" parts (kicks, jump rope etc) but mostly laid on my exercise mat and watched me. No matter - he moved a lot, and got me to move too. Kids are amazing, it's almost like they sense what you need, without even knowing it. So, I got in a good 45 minute workout last night and plan on walking on lunch today.
I woke up with a sore throat. I am currently ignoring it, because there is no possible way on God's green Earth that I could be coming down with anything else. End of story.

Really??

Pink eye.
Yes, I have pink eye.
No one else does, thank you, GOD. But really? REALLY??
*sigh* ok. This kinda sucks, but I know there are lots worse. I will just be happy when we are ALL well! UGH!
Ok, I'm done with my whining now... mostly.
Eating has been a crap-shoot. Sometimes I make good choices, and sometimes I don't. One thing I have not been choosing well is my exercise, as in, I still have not done any. I know I need to - but my body is rejecting that idea. Tonight, after the kids are in bed, maybe I will do some Yoga - something to help me get moving again without being so much stress that I decide not to do it. Yoga will feel good, and relaxing.

Things are so hectic with everyone being sick, and with the masseuse canceling for my wellness party on Saturday, I have decided to postpone it. I'm disappointed, but in a way, also relieved. In a few weeks, things will calm down a bit and we will try it again.
Next week is my birthday. I will be 33. There are a lot of things I wanted to do before my 33rd birthday, that I haven’t even begun and some things I never anticipated that I have going full swing. Life is funny. Plan all you want, but you never know what’s coming.
I’ll check back in later with my Yoga update!

No mistake about it...

If you take a look at the right of my blog, you see a running total of my exercise. Take a look now, and you will see that there has not been an update since 3/21.
This is, unfortunately, not a mistake.
I have not exercised in 6 days. I can't believe it, actually. It doesn't feel like it has been that long. Of course, I have *pretty* good excuse, having pneumonia and all, but my fears of it becoming a slippery slope is coming to fruition. I am feeling a bit better, but tired and lazy, and although my motto "every moment is a new moment to make a good choice" is something I stick to as much as possible, I feel like I can't make the good choice to move tonight.

I am hoping after another good nights sleep, I will feel energized enough to walk during my lunch break tomorrow. Send me good exercise/kick my ass in gear vibes!!

5K time and looking forward

Well, I finally saw that my 5K time last weekend was 41:57. I am very happy that I finished this race, but was a little disappointed with the time. I know, I know... my goal was to move my body from the starting line to the finish line, regardless of time, but I can't help be a little put off. My last 5K time was 47:00 (about) so I should be really happy... but I dunno. I feel like I have come so far in my fitness, and I need to be under 40 minutes. So, I am looking forward. I have another 5K in 2 weeks, April 9, and my goal is simply to beat this time. This, for me, is easier said than done. I really feel as though to do this, I will have to run the whole race. This has kind of been an ultimate goal of mine, and to do it a few weeks after pneumonia might be a lot to ask, but I am going to try.
I have been advised not to run for at least a few more days, so I plan on going for a very brisk walk, or doing some inside cardio tonight. I would have loved to go to the gym and jump on the treadmill, but I don't think that's a good plan, nor is it respectful of others working out to go in and spread my germs everywhere.
Running is not what I thought it would be in a lot of ways. I originally thought I would hate it, then I thought I would grow to love it. Now, I have a kind of love-hate feeling about it. I love that I can do it now, because I never, in a million year thought I could, but I don't love the actual act like I thought I was going to. Maybe I just haven't given it enough time yet, so I am going to keep it going.

Sickie update

Ok, I know I've been posting an awful lot about everyone being sick, but seriously, it's an issue.
I went to my PCP yesterday and after a chest x-ray was told I had pneumonia,(thankfully, my doc doesn't think my race on Saturday pushed me into the pneumonia) was given 2 different antibiotics, cough meds with codeine, and sent home to "rest". I get home, "rest" for an hour (while I cleaned the kitchen and fixed dinner) and then brought Josh (Thing 1) to the doctors for his prolonged sickness. Well, a pediatrician visit turned into an ambulance ride to the Pedi ER. *sigh*.

Finally Thing 1 was diagnosed with viral pneumonia (which sucks, because no meds are given for that) and given a nebulizer treatment and a popcicle, we made our way home from the hospital about 1AM. Josh was up twice between then and 5:45AM, and then it was up and at-em. Why, you ask?? Because I just started this job, and I can't take time off. I am still in my probationary period, and I already had to take tomorrow off to bring Sammy(Thing 2) to his allergy testing. Does it suck? yes. Do I have to suck it up? YES.
It's 1:30, and I feel the urge to put my head down on my desk and fall asleep, however, that would probably look even worse than staying home today, so I will perservere...I hope.
The hubs is sick to and visiting the doctor today, thank goodness. The only one not sick is Sammy. Thank God for small favors.
Hopefully by the beginning of next week, everyone will be feeling better, I can air out my germy house, and clean it up properly and we can move on from this winter! Who's with me???

ETA: By the way, I lost 8 freakin' lbs this week! That's what I'm talkin' about!!

musings on my silver lining

So, if you read my post from yesterday, you would have read that my only silver lining for feeling like I was going to die, and my poor family was going down with me, was that I KNEW this week that I was losing (as opposed to GAINING) weight. So, I hopped on the scale this morning to take a peek.
Now, last week at the "challenge" weigh in, I was up to 216. Sucky. This morning, 6 days later I am 207. Oh yes, my lovies. My body is doing what I am asking it to do by eating good foods within my caloric limits and exercising, yes, even when I probably shouldn't have. Of course, much of it is water, etc... but at least SOME of that lose is fat. Of course, the challenge weigh in is tomorrow, and I hope that I don't magically gain 9 lbs overnight... hey, stranger things have happened.
So, as far as the sickness...hubby is seriously sick, Josh still has his fever, which will probably mean no school tomorrow for him. I have no fever, but I can't take a deep breath in. Yesterday afternoon it hurt in my upper back and chest to breath, thus I started to worry that maybe I have pneumonia. Today, I will call my Dr office back again, and try to get in later. If I can't, I will go to the urgent care center. Seriously, if it's pneumonia, I need to get on antibiotics right away. Such is the life of parents with little Petri-dish children. Oh how I love them anyway!

Holy Sickies, Batman!

Well, what began with a small baby, as a mere cold, has now exploded into illness beyond measure taking down adults and children alike!
You know I love to be dramatic. But, seriously folks.
Little Sam is feeling TONS better, however, Josh is feverish and coughing, the Hubs is down for the count, and NOW I am having pain in my chest and back when I breath, on top of the fact that, I think I may have a fever, because I am FREEZING.

Ugh.
I walked up the stairs to the cafeteria to stock up on spoons and forks, and I was out of breath just from the journey. Now, if this was me-from-three-years-ago, well, then, yeah. A 365 lb person can get winded walking up a few flights of stairs But, it's the me-from-now-who-just-ran-a-5K-against-better-judgement. Hm. yeah. There may be trouble brewing.
Before you say it, I called my doctor, but I am waiting for a call back. I can't take off work to go to the appointment, because I am already taking off on Friday to bring Sam to the doc for his allergy testing. So, it will have to be before or after work. If I don't get a call back, I will go to the walk-in urgent care clinic, but I can't do that till tomorrow evening, because my sickie hubby has a rehearsal he has to go to tonight.
Oh man. This kinda sucks.
Ok, there has to be an upside to this... hmm.... I've lost weight this week!
Yup, it's important to find a silver lining.

My 5K race

I woke up with my 6 am alarm. I had not slept well. Sammy was up a lot, and even though hubby came to the rescue and was up with him those times, I was still awake for much of it.
Hubby was NOT happy I was going to run today with a chest cold. Everything he had read on line (and, admittedly, I had read too) said to go by the "neck rule" when it came to running and being sick. If the symptoms were above the neck (stuffy sinuses, sore throat, etc) to proceed with caution. If the symptoms were below the neck (chest and breathing issues) to NOT proceed. Although I value his opinion and I appreciate his care for me, I just couldn't punk out on this one.
This was for me.
I got to registration about 7am, and I am REALLY glad I got there early. Short line, in and out. A mere 20 minutes later, the line was out the door...whew! There were a lot of runners, as there was a half marathon and a 5K happening simultaneously. I was by myself, and I felt intimidated. Every time I saw a fit looking person I thought "they must be doing the half marathon". At one point, I actually began to wonder if I was the only one doing the 5K! LOL. As I made my way down to the starting line, I found that was certainly not the case.

It was bright and VERY windy and cold. I knew I would only be cold till I started running, but I thought it was smart to wear a scarf around my mouth, so I could avoid breathing in the cold air so heavily.

Still feeling intimidated, I paced around the starting line a little. Then I started hearing some very familiar phrases... "I am going to TRY and run the whole thing", "I'm going to walk and run", "I've been running about a mile at a time" etc... these were my kinda people! I really started to realize I wasn't some sort of outcast in this world. I belonged here! I was not alone in my worries, or in my goals. I immediately began to relax. The starting buzzer was about to ring, so I turned on my running tunes, and suddenly, we were off.
The first 1/4 mile or so of the race was up hill. Normally, I would have freaked out, but I've been working on much steeper hills in my complex, so it wasn't too bad. I stayed focused and tried to establish a pace. I once again felt the bounce of my running shoes, tuned into my stride, my legs, my breath. I was doing it.
The run was along the beach, so it was gorgeous. The sun was shining, the sky was bright blue. It was amazing. I noticed the group thinned out into different groups: The Runners, The Walk/Runners, and the Walkers. I fell into the Walk/Runner category, and I think even if I had run the whole thing, I still would have been with the group. I'm what some would call a "penguin" which is just a cute name for a really slow runner. I am ok with that. A few times I pushed through places I wanted to walk. "Just to the next light post" "Just to the next sign". I did walk a little, well over half way around, when my chest felt too tight to keep going. I slowed my breath a bit and once I felt a bit more stable, I started my run again, and ran to the finish.
I glanced at the clock, and I saw it read 50:00... I balked - no way it took me that long! Then I remembered they started the clock when they started the half marathon, and that was 10-15 minutes before they started the 5K. So, I don't know my actual time. Not that it really matters. I know I did better than my first 5K, which I came in at around 47 minutes. And, in actuality, my goal was to go and to move my body in some manner from the starting line, to the finish line. I surely did that.
It felt a little anti-climactic to cross the finish line and look around as I stretched out. Lots of families and people rooting for their runners. I didn't have anyone there. Don't get me wrong - I have an amazing family, and I know they were all thinking of me - which is awesome - but it would have been really nice to have someone there to see me finish.
Never the less, I finished, and therefore, I rock.
Till the next! (April 9! Stay tuned!)

5K tomorrow

My 5K is tomorrow morning. I have a terrible chest cold. I have read on numerous sites now that running with a chest cold is a very, very bad idea. And yet, I must do it. I have to go. At this point, I don't care if I walk, I will go and I will move my body from the starting line to the finish line. I feel like tomorrow is my re-birth. My beginning from all the yuck going on lately. I'm going alone, since my littlest boy is quite sick, and can't be outside in the chill for that long. So, it's just me. I won't be seeing anyone on the sidelines cheering for me. I can only cheer for myself. And in reality, shouldn't we all be our own #1 fans? Our own cheerleaders? If I can't cheer myself on, how can I expect to meet and exceed goals?
I feel a little bi-polar. In one way, I need to be strong, cheer myself on and just DO IT (thanks Nike) but in another way I am scared. Scared because I am sick, because I am going to be alone, and because I guess, deep down, I still wonder if I can really do it.
So, I guess we'll see. Stay tuned for the play by play. The good, the bad, and the potentially ugly.

Review: 6 Round Slim-down with Stephanie Vitorino

Double post today! Aren't you lucky? LOL
Ok, here is a little review of a new workout I tried this evening. Anyone who has Comcast On Demand can access this workout for FREE. So go - do it! Well, do it AFTER you read my review...
6 Round Slim-down with Stephanie Vitorino may well be one of the most hardcore workouts I have tried on Exercise TV. You must understand - when I think of a hardcore workout, I think of the amazing Christa Doran of Bodyology in Hamden, CT. Now, those boot camps are AMAZING... but I digress. Normally, I don't expect I am going to get a hardcore workout from the lovelies at Exercise TV, but this was surely an exception.
The 6 Round Slim-down consists of a warm up, 6 rounds of a strength training/cardio/core combo, and a cool down/stretch. Well, I was sweating about 2 minutes in. For real. This 40 minute workout went so quickly, and I am sitting here 10 minutes later STILL sweating. Eww, ok, that might have been TMI.
In order to do this workout, Stephanie suggests you need two sets of hand weights, one "light" (mine were 5 lbs) and one "heavy" (mine were 8 lbs), a medicine ball (I don't have one) and a mat. Now, in place of the medicine ball, I used ONE of my 8 lbs dumbbells, and it really worked just fine. When Stephanie calls for "tossing" the ball, I just pressed my weight up.
The moves are easy to follow, but still really challenging. One thing I really felt I needed to work on was my balance, which involves a lot of core strength. This is something I have known, but was really evident in this workout. The quickness of each round really made this workout fly, because you weren't stuck on any one thing for a long period of time.
All in all - I say GO FOR this workout! Serious calorie burn, baby! Woh! No longer feeling any guilt about that tall nonfat mocha from Starbucks! :-)

The finish line

I am the last standing - the strong, the proud. I had fleeting thoughts that perhaps once, just this once, I would be uneffected.
How foolish I am.
Ok, this is super dramatic... but in reality, it's a chest cold that all of my men at home went through, and I really thought I wasn't going to get it. But, last night I felt that all too familiar heaviness in my chest.
*sigh* *cough*
Anyway, I wouldn't care, except that Saturday is my first 5K in over a year and a half. I AM going, sick or not. It's been too much a part of me to blow it off.
Back in August 2009, I completed my first 5K. Almost no training, I walked a really good chunk of it, but I ran as well. When I crossed the finish line to my little Josh and my mom, I burst into tears. I couldn't believe I had just done it. My body ached for DAYS after, but it didn't matter, I KNEW I wanted to do more.
Last 5K "season" I was super-duper pregnant. If I had been in constant training, maybe I could have done a few in March or April, but after that wouldn't have been a no-no. I hadn't been hardcore running all that time, so I knew I would have to wait.
So, here we are - back in action. About 25 lbs lighter than that first 5K, which doesn't seem like a lot in a year and a half, but remember, 9 months of that I was GAINING, and then taking THAT all off again (I gained 50 lbs with Sam, that little stinker!). I am really excited about this race in particular, because it's on my home turf - the West Haven Beach. I know this area and terrain like the back of my hand, and I think that will help when I am pushing through the urge to walk (just to that pier, just to that bocci court...)
I am telling myself consistantly that my only goal is to finish. Running is preferable, walking is acceptable. I want to run as much as I can. I REALLY feel like my body can do it, but my brain "doesn't wanna" - so I have to work on the self-talk.
Tonights workout will either be kickboxing or aerobic/strength training. I've been wearing my pedometer recently, and striving for 10,000 steps per day. I feel like this insure that I move enough during the day - seeing that I am now at a desk job. So far, so good.

excuses, be gone!

Boy, losing that hour this weekend was rough.
It was, after all, my work-out hour...
There is only one time a year I can use THAT excuse, and I used it yesterday.
No, really, in actuality, the day really got away from me, and I didn't workout yesterday. Today I woke up exhausted and in dis-belief it was Monday. The kids were tired and ornrey and it made me the same.
By the time I got into work this morning, I was already making up excuses for why not to take my lunchtime walk.
"well, it's only Monday... I have all week to get my exercise in"
"I'm too tired"
"It's my long day, I shouldn't HAVE to exercise"
Ohh yes, they went on and on.
As I listed the excuses in my head, I realized that they were just that: excuses.
So, at 12:10 I yanked on my sneakers and went out for my jaunt. As I walked, I thought about my excuses. Being a mom to 2 kids, having a full time job AND part time job, going to school, being involved with church, running a community theater company would be enough to make even busiest people take pause, and perhaps feel as though exercise just couldn't be part of the equation. Yet, here I was, huffing my way through a 2 mile walk in my measly 30 minute lunch beak. Why?
For the same reasons I cooked relentlessly yesterday, and stayed up late to pack mine and hubby's lunch.
Health, wellness, feeling good, living long, and yes, weight loss.
I mean, if I were to strive to do everything possible for my weightloss journey - cooking and eating healthy, nutritious food for myself and my family, taking the time to eat mindfully, exercising at least hour a day, taking time for de-stressing... well, it would be it's own full time job. Now, if I could just find a job that would pay me to do all that.....
Oh right! It's called being a nutritionist and trainer... hm, I knew I was going back to school for a reason.
By the way... 95 on my first Nutrition exam... niiiiccceee.....

How Stella..er.. Kelliann got her groove back

Or: Run Mama, Run
Or: Yeah B*tch
It was hard to decide which title to use for this one.
With the help of a friend, I resolved last night that this morning I would get up for a run. My hubby let me sleep in a little (getting up at 7 is a luxury!) and, wouldn't you know it, the debate began...
"well, I don't HAVE to run - I mean, I have a dance rehearsal later..."
"I could always do an aerobic DVD later..."
"I don't know if I have enough time now..."
And so forth.
Finally, I thought - the amount of time I just took making excuses, I could have been half done with my run! So, I got moving.
With no preconceived notions about how it would go, how much I would run vs walk, how fast or slow I would go - I just went. I tuned into my body. I concentrated on using my muscle, to ease stress on my knees. I paid close attention to my left calf, which, as I ran, got a bit more sore.
I centered in on the heaviness of my breath, on the way I increased my stride to glide up a soft incline. The bounce of my new Nike runners. I felt open to the experience as a whole when I wasn't concentrating on my time.
Some other parents out there my understand my next thought: There is a show on the Disney Channel called Phineas and Ferb. It's one of the few shows Thing 1 watches that doesn't drive me crazy, and on occasion, I find myself actually stopping mid-housework and watching. The two characters are constantly doing outrageous and intelligent projects. Sometimes, an adult will ask them "aren't you a little young to be doing this?" to which they respond, very seriously "Why yes, yes we are.
During my run today, as people began to emerge from their homes to gal avant here and there, I couldn't help but feel a little self conscious. Then I thought of them saying to me "Aren't you a little FAT to be doing this" to which I would respond, very seriously "Why yes, yes I am"
And yet here I am. Running.
Besides my aching calf, which did end up putting a slightly early end to this mornings movement, I remembered once again how good it can feel to push your body. To challenge yourself to run one more song, one more minute, one more step.
The rest of the day ended up being quite stressful. My eating wasn't stellar, but I am growing tired of beating myself up, so I am letting it go. On my way home from target, I was thinking about how I could release some of my pent up tension - and my first thought was some Yoga.
Hooray for me.
So, that's how I will end my evening.
How about you?

Trial and Error

I HATE trial and error. Mostly just the error part. I am someone who likes to be in control, to know what's coming next, and that is simply impossible with trial and error.
I am involved in a weight loss challenge at work. At first, I thought this would be no big deal - just continue on my normal plan... however, some kind of strange, self-sabotaging monster took over and I haven't been able to recover. I got off track, and getting back on has seemed overwhelming. Why, when this is a way of life and not a diet? Because I suddenly made it a "diet" so I could "lose weight quickly" for this challenge. Some thrive on dates, deadlines, and time related goals, and I think I have really come to the conclusion that it kills me. Similar to my 5K runs. Signing up for them seemed like a "goal". A way to countdown my progress, but instead it's making me anxious and overwhelmed. Maybe there is a lesson to be learned here? Just because something works for others, does not mean it will work for you. So, I have to mentally get out of "challenge" mode, and return to the real world, where I was feeling good about my progress and all my hard work, instead of belittling my imperfections.

Sometimes you need to revamp things. You may think you have got something going for you, but you always have to leave room for change.
I am making a change in my running. I have been pushing, pushing, pushing for a "time". I don't even know what "time" I was going for, just a better time than previous. This, however, has not been working for me. So, when I went out for my run this morning, I decided to forget the time and strive for something different.
I ran uphill. I increased my distance (or, at least this was my goal). I was sweating, legs burning, and I was working it. Then, right in the middle of "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry, I got a sharp pain in my knee. I slowed down. It kept hurting. I walked, it stopped hurting. I ran again, it hurt. I was more than 3/4 of the way through my run. Do I keep going? Try to run? Walk the rest? The rest, mind you, being mostly uphill. So, I stopped, turned around, and walked back to my house, which I had just past.
Did I give up? Was it a smart move to stop when it comes to knee pain? These questions may seem easily answered, but for me, they aren't. I have spent most of my life making excuses about eating healthfully and exercising. Now, I always have a fear that I am just making an excuse - that I could have pushed through whatever seemed as though it was "too much". Even as I write this, I really don't know. Should I have kept going?
Anthony says no - when it comes to your knees, don't play around. And, I can really get behind that statement - I just don't want to HIDE behind it.
I am running a 5K race in 2 weeks. I don't know how training is going to go till that point, or what is going to happen. All I can do is try my best. Now, if I only knew what that was....

Daily Doings

Wednesday. Class tonight. Communications. I feel as though I should have life-experience credit for this class, but apparently, I don't, so I must go. Thank goodness the instructor is interesting.
Work is going well. I am enjoying (mostly) what I am doing and it is leading to a permanent, full time, with benefits, with paid time off job. It's about time. Although it's not official yet - it's looking very good.
Pretty tired today. Sammy was up at 4:30, but slept the whole night, so it was good for him, sucky for me. He's not feeling well still, so I would much rather he be getting a lot of sleep than worry about my sleep - for now anyway.
Eating has been a little fuzzy the past few days. It's funny, it seems as though I am dealing with some sub-conscious self-sabotage. I weighed myself the other day - and I was 208. Holy Crap. That is a loss of 157 lbs. That is 9 lbs away from having a 1 in front of that number, which probably hasn't been there since I was in elementary school! One would presume this is going to fuel the fire of my eating and exercise routine, and yet I find myself sliding into some old bad habits. It won't last, and everyone has these moments, but it seems as though whenever I hit a particular land-mark, it rears it's ugly head. Interesting... and annoying.
Well, I have to get back to work. yea, work. Still getting used to it all. And when I am sitting at this desk, all I want to do is eat! Hmm, if anyone has any hints as to how to stave off the office munchies, please pass them along!