Friday, November 9, 2012
Where did I go?
Well, I am just feeling downright shitty.
I can’t get out of the f*cking hole I have dug myself into.
I have no motivation to workout. To eat right. To do much of anything.
I’ve been trying to find a counselor for almost 2 weeks. When I get a call back from someone I have contacted, they practically laugh at me when I ask if they have availability on Friday evening or Saturday – my only 2 available days.
I can’t believe I can’t get help because of my schedule.
I’m feeling a little desperate.
I think it’s time to buckle down and do a challenge week. I gotta get it together here. I feel bloated, and huge. I feel terrible about myself.
I’m singing in a concert tonight and I feel like a whale. I’m having horrible visions of my dress not zipping. I can’t wait till it’s just over. This is another way I know things aren’t right in my head… I normally get nervous before a concert, but I never ever wish it would just be over. And at this point, I wish I didn’t have to do it at all.
I’m working on a special project tomorrow with my family. I hope the minions will be well behaved enough for me to accomplish it. It’s something really important to me. But, you just never know how the kids are going to behave.
I know very well it seems like I am really falling apart over here. Like I’m going to become one of those people who says “I’m gonna start Monday!” And then next Monday and the next. I want to shout out “THAT’S NOT ME ANYMORE” – but I have no confidence.
Where did it all go?
Where did I go?
I’m going to publish this, against my better judgment. This blog, first and foremost is MY PLACE. So I post what I want. But there is fear of knowing people will read this and think I am freaking Looney Tunes.
Maybe I am.