Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Big hunger, more victories

It's hump day, and I have nothing nearly as exciting as yesterday to say, but here I am anyway!

Tomorrow it's 3 years since my cousin took his life. I can't believe 3 years have passed already. I'm still angry and I still ask him why.

The big questions still linger because NO ONE knew. NO ONE knew he was depressed. NO ONE knew how dark things had gotten for him.

He wouldn't let anyone help him. He had a family who loved him so much. We would have done anything for him.

Why didn't he let us help him? Did I not tell him enough that I loved him? That I was there for him?

*sigh* unanswerable questions.

What I DO know is that if you love someone, let them know. If you are blessed by someone, let them know. Don't let an opportunity pass to give someone a smile, hug or tell them you love them and that you are there for them.

You never know when it could make a difference in someones life. It will certainly make a difference in YOUR life.

Ok, back to the task at hand -

Fuel today:
Meal 1: Quiche, coffee
Meal 1 1/2: 1 slice Ezekiel with 1 tb pb
Meal 2: spaghetti squash/peppers/tomatoes, chicken sausage, banana
Meal 3: clean muffins, PB
Meal 4: uhhhhh.... probably big salad with black beans and salsa

Lots of water

I am VERY hungry today... and I will likely be MORE hungry after the gym tonight. Group Power is at 5:45, and it will be my first time back to this class since my surgery. As soon as school is done ( 2 weeks, plus finals!) I will be able to get back into a more normalized exercise routine. I hate working out Saturday, Sunday, and then missing Monday and Tuesday. Workout Wednesday, miss Thursday... etc. I love my summers if for no other reason, I can breath and make things a little more to my liking, schedule wise. No school (well, ok, except the online class I am doing), no choir... just my kids, the gym, and 1 committee. Oh, and work... and theater company... ok. Never mind about the breathing room.

One little victory. I am wearing a top to work today that was previously a little too snug to be comfortable to wear. It's also a little more "out there" than what I would normally wear. I knew it would get attention, and that really scared me. I'm still the fat-girl-trying-to-hide-from-everyone on the inside sometimes. I woke up this morning and the first thing I thought was "I am NOT wearing that top today". But I made myself put it on. You know I don't like to compliment myself, but damn, it looks really good. I've gotten tons of compliments, especially of the "holy crap, look how tiny your waist is!" variety. It makes me blush. It makes me want to say "but, I still need to..." But I smiled. I thanked them profusely. Trying not to think of how much I still have to/want to do. I even snuck into the bathroom for a pic to show you...

Have a wonderful day guys. As always, one step at a time. Peace


  1. My uncle took his life years ago, and it still bothers me. I don't understand, don't know why he didn't say something to us, don't know how he seemed so happy on the outside. You are right, the questions don't have answers, and that is hard to deal with, but I try to focus on making the most of the relationships I still have.

    I love the color of that top. Glad you wore it and got so many compliments!

  2. Wow, you sound like a busy girl! Love that you didn't speak your mind when complimented but took the gratitud and thanked them politly. I have to remind myself to do that often as well. Have a fabulous day :)