Tuesday, April 2, 2013

All the little pending things... and friendship

I feel really strange writing this blog. I’ve gotten so out of the writing loop… I’m wondering if anyone out there is even still reading me! Well, anyway, here I am.
Just an update. I’m feeling well. I finally got the OK from my doctor to come back to work full time (I was back just part time last week) AND I got the OK to exercise, while still being careful. Thank GOD!
I have a birthday creeping up quickly, and I’ll be 35. Not sure why this feels so significant to me, but it does. Also can’t tell whether it feels significant in a good or bad way. LOL. I guess that will be my own decision!
As a birthday present to myself, I know I mentioned last entry, I am joining the Tuff Girl 30 Day Clean Eating Challenge. No cheating. No “just a bite”. No “it’s no big deal”. None. No sugar, No sugar substitute, weaning (again) off coffee. No “treats” made of crazy “clean” ingredients. Simple, straight-forward, whole food. A lot of love and support, a ton of sweat, and we will see where my body fat % is at the end. I will log on Monday my starting %, and then we will see where I am at the wrap-up.
Things on the financial end of this surgery are getting to the tight end. This next pay check will be beyond pitiful, and I am heavily relying on my fundraising to get everything I am responsible for paid over the next month. It’s very tight, but I thank God every day for the support I received from donors. The dream of those folds upon folds of hanging skin, causing rashes and infections, being removed from me forever would NEVER, EVER have come true. I am beyond blessed. I’m sure we will get through it.
I’m catching up with my school work. This week is particularly busy in that way. Test and quiz to make up, projects due, new projects to begin. I’m allowing myself to understand that this semester – perhaps not getting an A in both classes is OK. There is a lot to focus on, and if everything is less than perfect, well, that’s just the way it is. Kids and family are #1 – everything else makes it onto the list somewhere and gets dealt with accordingly.
Speaking of family – Thing 2 is home for day 2 of a wretched cold. The hubby is home with him, and I feel bitter that it’s not me. I’m always the one to stay home and take care of my babies when they are sick. It feels… just wrong to be at work when he is home, coughing and feverish. My husband is a wonderful caregiver. I have no worries at all. I just feel… I don’t know… like I am shirking my responsibilities as a mama. I know, I know…
Anyway. I truly hope all of you out there are doing your best, feeling good and making things happen for yourself. My view of the blogging world has changed a little. I used to have a feeling that I was “friends” with the people out there who I followed and followed me… but I know that that was probably a little disillusioned. Reading someone’s writing doesn’t mean you “know” them, and they don’t “know” you. I am not so friendless in the real world that my blog “friends” were my only solace (thank goodness!) but I see that for some, that is the case. The comments they get to their post are their life-line. Perhaps the only validation they have in life. This is sad for them and I worry for their well-being if that façade were ever to crumble for them.  *sigh* this was just one of the thoughts that kept me awake last night!
Anyway, Peace, bloggers. I sincerely hope you are all well.


  1. I can totally relate to that feeling of guilt when your kids are sick.. I think it's a mom thing! Glad you're feeling better and back to work, though!

  2. I check in on you a couple of times a week to see if you posted. I wondered if you were even still reading as I haven't seen comments from you in any of the usual places. Glad recovery is going well! Eat Clean...Train Dirty...

  3. Of course I'm still here and am so glad you updated. Interesting last paragraph. Care to elaborate?

  4. I know what you mean, about feeling close with blog "friends." This is a very personal, very intimate side of ourselves that we share - I blog about things that I sometimes don't feel comfortable sharing with friends or family (stuff like loose skin pictures, for example). So it's natural, I think, to feel a close bond with folks, even if they really are strangers.