Thursday, February 23, 2012

Hooray! I'm back!

Ok, I don't know why, but blogger wouldn't load on my work computer... it would only let me do a title (as seen in my last post)

I will NOT be silenced! HA!

I will start by saying that if anyone doesn't want to read about a compulsive overeater and sugar addict in recovery - please feel free to stop following this blog. I certainly won't be offended.

Because THIS GIRL has found the LIGHT!

I feel like I have had a re-birth (ok, come on, you all know I am a little dramatic, but for REAL). I feel SO good. It's NOT easy to abstain from all sugar and processed flour. It's in a LOT of everyday crap food. I've gone without it before, and it may last for a while. Then I start thinking "no way, I have this beat. I can have a little and be fine". Now it is different, because I simply have to accept that NO, I can NOT just have a little. This drug overtakes me. It cannot be a part of my sane life.

There are other things that may come into question (maybe cheese? Maybe sugar free items?). I am ok with this. Whatever it takes for me to be in a place of peace with food, I will do it.

What I have realized is that without the emotional/spiritual/mental support, it simply will not be a lasting situation. I have a support system now of people who truly understand what it is like to be swallowed up by addiction. To feel desperate and empty, and try to fill that feeling with food.

I feel

The plan I outlined previously still stands. I am not eating any sugar or processed white flour.

I am weighing and measuring everything I put on my plate. Every. last. thing. Veggies. Fruits. Even things that are very low calorie, like salsa. Even things that have no calories, like hot sauce. It's not just about the calories, it's about accountability and responsibility. I am portioning out a serving of the things I am eating.

I am eating slowly and mindfully, instead of eating while doing other things.

I am ONLY EATING WHEN I AM HUNGRY. This is NOT something I would promote for everyone to do. Studies have shown that for weight loss, it's best to eat small amounts every 3-4 hours. Eating only when I am hungry is not about the weight loss aspect. It's about me getting in touch with what my body needs, WHEN it needs it. It's done so that I'm not eating mindlessly, and consequentially, eating more in a day than is needed.

This has been going well. Last night, I got home from class and I really just felt like exercising... I did not feel hungry, even though I had not eaten in almost 6 hours. I did a short, intense workout (about 25 min) and after, I was ready to eat! I started with something balanced in nutrition, and small in size. It was just enough.

I am writing down everything I eat, and I am keeping a loose mental tally of calories, so that things don't get out of control. I am not logging in a calorie tracker. I will resume that when I get a little more comfortable about recovery... it messes with my brain a little.

I am eating whole, nutritious foods I cook myself. Lean meats, fruit, veggies, good fats, dairy, beans, whole grain starches. Again, it's not for the weight loss factor. These foods are good for my body. These foods do not drive me to distraction. I do not obsess about these foods. I have never binged on veggies, or beans, etc... and I am SURE my husband is thankful about that!

I stated before I would not weigh in until March 16th. I will do that, but curiosity got the best of me this morning, and I weighed in. I have lost weight. If you are interested, you can check out my weight loss ticker. I'm not surprised I lost, but I am surprised at where I am, taking into account my week long sugar "situation". I'm going to ask the hubs to put the scale away for me until my weigh in day, March 16th.

Maybe I will celebrate that weigh-in with a beer the next day!

LOL. SOOO Kidding!

So, that is all right now my friends. I know it will not always feel this good. It will NOT always be easy. But I am loving the rainbow I am riding right now, so I will take it. When times are tough, I know I have the support to help me through - with ME taking the reins, and being responsible for my OWN actions.


  1. You are really such an inspiration. I look forward to your posts because you show me that this CAN be done. Thank you for being courageous enough to share your journey. I've been in that horrible place where I can't seem to get a handle on food lately, it's like I'm in a hole that I can't get out of. I've been thinking a lot about doing just what you are doing, cutting out the processed foods, sugar, white flour. Now to find the courage to just jump and do it.

    1. You CAN do it - but seriously, what I was lacking before was a support system like a 12 step. And, I think, deep down, I just wasn't ready to accept that I couldn't have sugar. I am accepting now, and I have the support. You can do this too!!! It's TOTALLY possible to get out of that place! E-mail me if you ever need some support:

  2. Seriously - freaking love this post. Read it 6 times to be exact.