Monday, February 13, 2012

When will I learn?

I have to learn that I cannot help everyone. Just because I think it's important to go after your dreams, and to make things work so you are happy, even when it calls for big change, does NOT mean everyone is going to do that. Just because I throw myself into something 1000% does not mean everyone else wants to or should do that.

Even thought I know this, it makes me feel badly. I see someone who could be much happier, but they will not take the steps to do so. Why? Sense of responsibility to others, fear of change... I don't know.

This is super frustrating to me.

For those of you out there who are recovering food addicts - those who have buried feelings in food for year... what do you do now? When you are overwhelmed with *stuff* and you can't *stuff* it down with a pint of ice cream? Where do you put it?

You'd think I would have figured out what to do with my shit by now. You would think I would know how to calm and center myself again. After all, life is full of uproar. But I just don't know.

I'm tracking my food. I am tracking my exercise. Had a great workout on Saturday morning, then neglected to move my body the rest of the weekend, well, exercise wise, anyway. I am feeling good about a plan for food that I have put into place. Feeling empowered to make good decisions and to take responsibility if/when I screw up. If you eat something, and don't track it, I have news for you - you aren't fooling anyone. It still went in your body. It still counts toward your calories. Responsibility, people. Look it up.

I have an exam tonight. My first of my Bio class, which has me on edge. At this point, I just can't wait till it's over. I can't even study anymore. My brain is full.

The good news is, once the exam is done, we can leave class, so I am going right to the gym to do my run. I haven't run in a week, and my 5K is just around the corner. I really, really, really want to run the whole thing. I want to feel prepared. I don't want to die out on the road.

I want to finish feeling empowered. Exhausted, yes, but empowered because I ran the whole way.


  1. This is where a good 12 step program makes the difference between the insanity and the recovery. Sweating it out can also be a lifesaver. Exercise releases endorphins Endorphins make people happy. Happy people do not kill other people. (My favorite line from Legally blond).

    1. LOVE that movie, and that is so true... as soon as this damn exam is over, I'm headed to the gym.

  2. Ugh I am so not there yet! I go to food...salty yummy food.