Angels, really

I hate going so long without blogging, but time has just not been on my side!

First - WI from this weekend - SAME. I'm not too upset. I mean, I lost 5 lbs last week. I have finally figured out that my body likes to drop it in "chunks". 5 lbs one week, nothing the next, 2-3 (hopefully) the next, etc. I'm not going to freak out about it.

I changed gyms - from Planet Fitness back to In-Shape Fitness. Same price per month, but In-Shape is closer to home, has classes (hooray, spinning!) and childcare. Planet fitness has NONE of that. Got in on a special - no fees to start, and only $19.95 a month. SUPER excited! I went last night trying to get into the spin class but it was full. Got on the treadmill and did running and incline intervals instead. *ahhhh*...sweaty bliss.

 I've noticed I have been really adverse to meat lately. The smell, the texture... ugh. It's actually been making me feel nauseous. I dumped half a batch of turkey chili in the garbage this weekend 'cause it was NOT going to get eaten. Fo' Sho'. Today, I am super happy with my spaghetti squash bake (red peppers, kale, carrots, spaghetti squash, home made sauce and a little low-fat mozzarella.). I'm not "making a decision" to be vegetarian, I'm just leaning in that general direction. Fish and shrimp are atill all good, so we will be doing that for dinner a little more often.

Work is insane, again. It's just the norm. Big changes going on here. The head-honcho is stepping down, and it's creating a lot of buzz on the future of the program. Makes things a might stressful. Gonna just go with the flow.

A little update on the minions. Both are having trouble in school keeping tempers in check when things don't go their way. Now, we are not spoilers. We don't just give our kids anything they want, so I was a little confused. I can understand Thing 2 - I mean, he's only 2 years old and it's PRIME tantrum age. But the older one makes me a little more concerned. As I was thinking on it, I realized that I am really modeling poor behavior for him in regards to keep my cool - or LACK there-of. Patience has never been a virtue for me... it's just not in the Irish blood. But I need to be better at it for my kids. To show them how to handle stressful situations in a better way... gotta work on this hard.

Not my kid - but pretty close, apparently...

I wish I had time to type more, but I gottan run... But I will say this. When you are down and out, and you feel like no one cares, you need to believe there are people out there that are good, kind, generous, loving, and wonderful. Angels, really. I have met such people just being here. I am beyond blessed by them.

If you would take a moment to click on the link to my FUNDRAISING PAGE. I have raised 11% of my goal to have my reconstructive surgery. I know times are tough, but if you can spare anything, I would be beyond grateful to you.


Keep moving forward...

Post-Thanksgiving post - SUPER EXCITING NEWS

Good Friday morning, people! I'm at work today (ugh) while many are out and about chopping like maniacs. Last night after leaving the minions at my moms (she's off today and is hanging with them while hubs and I work), Anthony and I decided to stop by Wal-Mart to laugh at the people standing in line waiting for things they don't need. We were surprised to see Wal-Mart was actually already open (7:00PM) and so we went in. People were already lined up at different stations to get their TV's and other electronics. It all seemed very civilized... but by just 20 minutes or so later, things started getting hairy. People getting a little louder, things were a little more crowded and I decided that I had had enough. Outtie.

Alright, so let's rewind. Back to Wednesday evening. I got the most AMAZING news. READY??

BOTH of my surgical reconstructive procedures have been APPROVED by the insurance company!!!!!!!!!!!!

WAAAAAHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

I could NOT believe it when my husband told me I had a voicemail on the house phone that told me they were BOTH approved and we needed to make a date for the surgery BEFORE May. NO PROBLEM. I would do it TOMORROW if I could. But, I am aiming for March.

Why March? Well, there’s a work aspect to it. The hospital is transferring to a new EMR system, and I am a “super user” meaning that I will be taking all of the training 2 times each in order to be secure enough to help the others with the transition. They are asking for us to not take ANY PTO late January through February. Of course, my supervisor said I could if I needed to, but I don’t see any harm in waiting an extra month.

So now, I have a big goal. First, I want to be at goal weight by surgery (170). But even more important, I want to be the fittest and healthiest I can possibly be by then. It will seriously aid my recovery and I’ll be going in there with the best chance possible. It will be a 5 hour procedure, with 2 different surgeons working on me. Any surgery has risks, but being super-fit can reduce that risk by a TON.

SO, obviously I am incredibly excited. I still need to fundraise for my hospital co-pay and for a paychecks worth so my family is not affected financially by this surgery. I can’t guarantee my PTO, because of the kids getting sick, etc, so hubby is donating a week to me (sweetie) and I need to have the $ for at least 2 more weeks. So, my new fundraising goal is $2500. I KNOW that will get us through, and all I will need to do is recover.

Alright, on to Thursday. It really went quite well, I thought. Hubby went for a walk in the AM, we went to church, and then I went for a run when we got home. The weather was gorgeous and I was so thankful for that. I couldn’t run the whole time. Some walking moments, but I felt great. I also made it a point to run up ALL the hills. I did a total of just over 3 miles. My legs are feeling it today. Love it.

After we went to my in-laws. They, of course, made a ton of food. During the “appetizer” time, I stuck with raw veggies and some fresh mozzarella. For dinner (lunch), they had turkey and stuffing and potatoes (mashed, white, and mashed sweet with a shit-storm of brown sugar in them), green bean “casserole”, rolls… you know, carb fest. I chose to have white meat turkey and about ½ cup of the stuffing. I was happy with my choice, but I did get some “looks” because my plate was practically empty. Whatever. We were there for dessert, but it just didn’t look good at all, so there was no fight with myself. Later, we went to my moms. She made spinach lasagna. I had a piece and it was really good. Totally worth it. Once again, I wasn’t interested in pie. We went home, and I had a chunk of really awesome, amazing chocolate and called it a night. My only regret food-wise is that I didn’t drink nearly as much water as I should have.

I really hope everyone out there had an awesome day yesterday. I’m booking out of work early today to start the weekend off right. Love to you all!!

Feel the love

Feels like a Friday, but it’s the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. People are already starting to leave early from my office... I'll be staying till my normal 4:00 because I have almost no time off. The precious little time I DO have needs to be hoarded for either sick kids or for when my dear brother and family are in town over Christmas (praying for NO SICK KIDS)

Tomorrow's plans are loose at best. We are singing at church in the AM, and then going to my in-laws. We won't stay too long. Then it’s either home, and have my mom and aunt come over and hang out, or over to my moms. I really want to go for a hike, but with the kids, it’s impossible to do the kind of hike I really want – complete with actual climbing of rocks. Maybe this weekend, the boys will go to grandmas and pop-pops for a while and we can go.

Because I’m not sure what time we are expected at the in-laws, workout is not solid yet. I would love to get up and go to the gym first thing. They open at 7, and I have to be to church, clean, non-smelly and ready to sing at 8. So, morning is not going to work. I’m hoping I can go directly after church, and still have time to get home and shower before going to “Thanksgiving Lunch”. It’s certainly not dinner, because they want everything done early. I don’t hate it.

I hope everyone reading this takes some time tomorrow, and every day, to be thankful for what you have. Really look around and see how fortunate we all are. We really are.

Feel the love, be grateful, and stay away from pecan pie.

Love to you all

Drive-By Posting

This is sort of a drive by post. Any little moment of time I have free at work today, I am looking at my in-service presentation for my dietetics class today, or math for my test tomorrow. Ugh. I will be unbelievably grateful for the end of the semester.

WI results: down 5 bad-ass lbs from weigh in last week. Yes, that's what cleaning up your diet will do. 9 lbs to go till I'm back at previously mentioned lowest weight.

Will it be hard over the holidays? Yes. Will I do my very best anyway? Yes.

And you know what, it's exhausting. Exhausting in the short term - totally worth it in the long term.

‘Tis the season for over indulging. It’s everywhere. Smashing you in the face with its sugar coated “ho-ho-ho”.  From now till New Year’s, “Just one bite” has the ability to turn into a downhill spiral that will last weeks, and frankly, could last weeks AFTER said New Years. Weeks upon weeks, pound upon pound.

I can’t afford that. Can you?

So, I will politely decline the offers of goodies that are already trickling into the office. Thank GOODNESS I have a great family who is striving to eat well, and Thanksgiving will NOT be a big deal. A little turkey, some sweet potatoes (that I will make and bring) and green beans (again, I will make and bring), and BAM. Thanksgiving is done. As long as I can get out of my in-laws before they serve dessert, I won’t even have to worry about “politely refusing” anything.

After Thanksgiving is harder. The weeks moving into Christmas are not just that.

They are also the weeks where a lot of money is spent on stuff and budgets are tight.

They are also the weeks moving into finals for 2 difficult classes this semester.

They are stressful weeks, to be sure.

Stress is my #1 reason for binging. Continuously working on my Safety Net. Continuously hanging on. One day at a time… one moment at a time.

Anyway, already spending too much time… gotta run, run, run…

Keep moving forward, peeps…

Beast Mode: ON

Last night at Bodyology I felt Epic.

Well, Ok, AFTER I LEFT Bodyology I felt Epic. While I was there I felt like I was going to DIE.

In review: During, I felt like:
  --------> THIS

After I felt like:
 -------------> THIS

The workout is called SHRED. It's a strength round with 1 min on, 15 sec off intervals, then it's a standard tabata round (but, can I say, there is nothing standard about tabata), then a DIFFERENT strength round, same timing, and a repeat of the same tabata.

By round 3, (the second strength round) if you don't want to quit, or die, you are not doing it right.
And man, oh man, I was doing it right.

I went for the heaviest weights I thought I could handle. 45lb for goblet squats and goblet lunges. 15lb for surrenders, 25lb each hand for dumbbell swings. Then we had things like burpee to pushup to row in there. No weight for my row just yet. I'm still struggling with form on a toe pushup.
We did Turkish get-ups, and I did that with a 15lb. Last time I did those (and it was a while ago) I wasn't using any weight at all! Although I wrote it all down in my progress notes, I can't remember any more right now!

The tabata rounds were killer. As a whole, this workout, was all mental for me. The body will keep going if the mind tells it to. So, I had to keep my mind right. I always have a fleeting thought of "Forget this, I can't..." but it's quickly replaced by the sound of my pounding breath as I am throwing myself into mountian climbers or jump squats.

I would never, EVER walk away from a workout once I'm in it. WTF kind of cop-out is that?

Eats... pretty standard for right now. I lied yesterday when I said spaghetti squash bake was gone. Had one more serving and it's all mine. Salsa chicken and butternut squash for the hubby.

Issues for tomorrow: Conference all day. NO idea what kind of food will be there. I am packing snacks, and I will eat breakfast in my car in the parking lot if I have to, but I am at the mercy of this meeting for lunch. Praying for salad greens... I will be all good as long as they have salad...

That's it for now peeps. As always,

Keep moving forward...

Keep on keepin' on

Hump day, peeps... this seems like a crazy long week, because we haven't had a full week of work over the last 2 weeks, with that bitch Sandy and then a Nor’easter the week after. Another nor'easter is now predicted for next week.
    It's going to be a looooooong winter.

An update on my BodyBugg - I'm still figuring it out. I think it's hilarious that it wants me to eat 1700 calories and burn 2700 calories per day. At the end of the day, it told me I took in about 1400, and I expended a little over 2300. This "burn" included over 10,000 steps plus a 20 minute tabata. Frankly, I thought I would be burning more! But, hey, it's all good. It helped keep me on track to get in a workout last night. Damn tabata is a killer. High knees, burpees, switch jumps, speed bag, jumping squats, speed skaters.... it's all fun and games till your collapsed in a heap in your living room - feeling AWESOME about getting it in!
  --------- >>>> YES!

Eats for today... Just look at yesterday. Seriously. It's the exact. same. thing. Tomorrow will be different, because I am out of spaghetti squash bake! I'm thinking chili will be on the menu...

Feeling really good. Still a little hungry between meals, but the headaches are getting a little less.

I have a questions for all the peeps out there who work out regularly. Do you have aches and pains all the time? For example, my feet and ankles hurt every morning when I get out of bed. No matter how much I work on strengthening my legs, I still on occasion pull a muscle in the calf of my right leg that, depending on the severity, can sideline me for a week. So, I'm not talking about the good kind of I-worked-out-and-I-feel-sore kind of pain, it's different. I know my weight is still on the higher side, but damn, you'd think after losing more than 170 lbs shit like that would decrease...  Any ideas? Especially the calf. I feel like a damn baby every time I do something to it and I have to modify my workouts at Bodyology or worse, not go to them at all. I'm feeling it now, I guess from last nights tabata. I have to be careful with it, or I'll pull it more.

Also, since my first pregnancy, I get a flair up of sciatica every once in a while. Like now.

All this complaining on aches and pains... Damn, I'm starting to sound like someone I read..... :-)

Enough of that!

I really don't have much more to say. So, I'm out.

Keep moving forward....

STOP THE INSANITY!

I'm going to post in a little bit, but I had to link to THIS huge pile of sh*t

No pun intended.

When will we all just grow a freaking BRAIN and stop with this nonsense??

Alright - be back in a bit....

Day 2, again

I expected to be much nastier today than I am, so I am grateful. Headache - check, but no nausea or anything worse. Hungry, but dealing.

Once again, I would LOVE some diet Dr. Pepper....
 yummm... ok, sorry...

Drinking 100 oz of water a day, my food today looks like this (and is strikingly similar to yesterday)

B: 1/2 cup dry oats, 1/2 banana, 2 tbs natural PB
S: 15 baby carrots, 2 tbs hummus, 1/2 banana
L: spaghetti squash bake (with lf. mozz on top)
S: 1 slice Ezekiel bread, 2 tbs natural PB
D: turkey breast meatloaf (no breading in it), sweet potato, steamed broccoli
S: ? not sure.

Hubby is being a trooper as well, headache and all. I was smart this time and I've been starting the day off with some caffeinated tea. It's really helped the headaches from being so crazy.

Alright - I have to tell you. I bought a BodyBugg (Dodging the dumbbell NORMA is throwing at my head)... I know, I know... but I am a total data GEEK. I admit is fully and unabashedly. I love to see the numbers, and it pushes me to do more, more, more. I want to see the calories burned climb, and I want to see my big fat deficit on the screen. I know these things aren't totally accurate, but if it pushes me to do more and helps keep me in check, why not?

So first thoughts are: It's a little uncomfortable, especially around my big fatty-d bat wings. But, I think I'll get used to it.

The online system is sucky. I'm hoping this is just because I am not used to it yet. What I really don't like is that it gives you a whole meal plan. Um, no. I don't want to eat the chicken with skin on it. I don't want to eat Parkay margarine, and I don't want to eat low-fat oreo cookies. They ask you a bunch of questions at the start to "determine your eating plan" but I don't think they really do anything with those answers. You HAVE to fill out the nutrition stuff to even get the band to start working. *sigh*

So, the first thing I did was go in, and start taking out all of the "recommended" foods for EACH DAMN DAY and replacing it with what I am actually eating. It's really tedious. PLUS they don't have Ezekiel bread - wha, what??
All that being said, I have to play with it some more to see if there are short cuts, and ways to add your own foods.

I'll keep you posted on how I think this thing is working. (And so everyone knows, I am NOT being paid for this, I did NOT receive this device in exchange for a review. I just paid for it with my own money. And if it sucks, well, at least I'll know. And then, you will know too.)

Tonight is Math and then home to hang with the kids. After they are in bed, I am determined to do a short workout... trying to get my hubby on that path too. I did stairs on my lunch and actually got my heart rate up a little. I'm glad no one is watching me do this. I must look like a moron.


 ---------> not me.

Overall, of course, I think that since I was such a rock star eating yesterday and today that my recently aquired15 lbs should magically be gone. Like, now. Not so much, but I DO feel less bloated and disgusting, so - score!

That's all from this side of bloggerland. Hope you are all doing well...

Keep trudging forward...

DONKEY KONG

IT'S ON LIKE DONKEY KONG

If you don't get this reference, I am very sad for your lack of an adequate childhood. :-)

Alright folks. I am sick and tired of dickin' around. I am in challenge mode and it's ON BITCHES.

I'M GETTING MY SHIT TOGETHER. (I hear the collective voice of my blogger peeps saying "FINALLY!!")

I will not waiver. I will not sink back down into this dark pit I have FLUNG myself into. I WILL NOT.

Challenge Mode means the following:

NO sugar, NO artificial sugar, NO processed food.
1 serving of dairy
2-3 fruits
COPEOUS amounts of vegetables               
Beans and leguemes                                                                      
lean protein (breast meat and fish/shrimp)
healthy fats - in good amounts – will keep me sane.
Drinking water like it’s my JOB (at 56 oz already)

Logging it ALL. Every freaking morsel. Every last drop.

I will eat when I am hungry. I will NOT eat when I am NOT hungry. (Um, duh)

Lots of tea as well. I really find hot tea (this time of year) helps me when I am getting to a rough patch. I will have headaches; I will feel nauseous at some point. It’s because I am filled my body with total and utter shit and that shit makes a violent exit. It is what it is. By tomorrow at this point I will be feeling a LOT less like I want to do this, and by Wednesday I will be exhausted and feeling dreadful. Then Thursday will dawn and I will start to really feel better. Not just better, but DAMN GOOD. The way I am SUPPOSED TO FEEL. GO FIGURE.

Hubby is in, too. He’s feeling the same way I am. I look at him and I can see the weight gain in him and in me. It’s miserable.

Oh, and Thanksgiving next week? It really doesn’t faze me. I could care less about the food on Thanksgiving – have some turkey (breast) and some roasted sweet potatoes. Veggies galore and *POOF* - you are eating right along with the family with no worries. I hate pumpkin pie (sue me) and as long as there is some fruit hanging out with the desserts (and I will be SURE there is) Once again, no brainer.

I hop on blogger this morning and I am greeted by a myriad of blog posts. One was of which was this SEXY BEAST - who always has it ON LIKE DONKEY KONG. And also this incredible paleo/clean eating haul on JEANETTE's blog. How AMAZING does that look? Jeanette looks AMAZING to go right along with it!

Being active in this community has been an element in my NOT going back to 365. Everytime I screw up, backslide, whatever, I STILL come here to get the reality check. People GETTING IT DONE. Regardless of situation. YES, we all have our moments (except Norma, I don't think she ever has those moments!) but coming here and seeing whats-what gets me going again.

I've gained a lot of weight this time around. Almost 15 lbs. I've lost time. I could have been at goal.

Read me folks, I could have been at goal. But here I am, floating back up toward the dreaded “2” number. Fuck.

Oh, it’s on. LIKE MUTHA F*CKIN’ DONKEY KONG.

Where did I go?

Well, I am just feeling downright shitty.

I can’t get out of the f*cking hole I have dug myself into.

I have no motivation to workout. To eat right. To do much of anything.

I’ve been trying to find a counselor for almost 2 weeks. When I get a call back from someone I have contacted, they practically laugh at me when I ask if they have availability on Friday evening or Saturday – my only 2 available days.

I can’t believe I can’t get help because of my schedule.

I’m feeling a little desperate.

I think it’s time to buckle down and do a challenge week. I gotta get it together here. I feel bloated, and huge. I feel terrible about myself.

I’m singing in a concert tonight and I feel like a whale. I’m having horrible visions of my dress not zipping. I can’t wait till it’s just over. This is another way I know things aren’t right in my head… I normally get nervous before a concert, but I never ever wish it would just be over. And at this point, I wish I didn’t have to do it at all.

I’m working on a special project tomorrow with my family. I hope the minions will be well behaved enough for me to accomplish it. It’s something really important to me. But, you just never know how the kids are going to behave.

I know very well it seems like I am really falling apart over here. Like I’m going to become one of those people who says “I’m gonna start Monday!” And then next Monday and the next. I want to shout out “THAT’S NOT ME ANYMORE” – but I have no confidence.

Where did it all go?

Where did I go?

I’m going to publish this, against my better judgment. This blog, first and foremost is MY PLACE. So I post what I want. But there is fear of knowing people will read this and think I am freaking Looney Tunes.

Maybe I am.

All the struggles...

I am reading in a lot of blogs about a lot of struggles. I am also reading very FEW excuses. People just fessing up to mistakes and outlining plans to fix the mistakes. Honest people making honest, human mistakes.

Most have resulted in weight gain, just as mine have.

There are so many reasons for us mere humans to get off track. I'm not talking about the "oh, well, my favorite cupcakes we on sale and I just COULDN'T pass it up!" or "Well, it's in the house because my kids NEED to have it and I couldn't HELP myself!"  I'm talking about deaths, destruction of property, fear, intense stress, and Mutha f*cking Nature. Seems as though Mutha has screwed a LOT of us up, big time. Some waaaaayyyyy more than others, and in more ways than just food and exercise.

But I also see responsibility being taken. And in that, I see love and support being given. Tough love sometimes, when it's needed. But it's all support. We are here together, and we are fighting for the same things- our lives.

Sorry if the entry starts to get a little disoriented. The medication I'm on makes me feel super tired.

I missed my workout last night. Because I work in the basement, with no windows, I had no true idea about how bad it was getting out. The highway was practically closed. Just getting to my car on the shuttle took 20 minutes (a 5 min drive normally), and an hour to get home from there, using back roads, thank goodness. I knew as soon as I hit the streets that heading in the opposite direction for a workout, only to then have to turn around and go home was just not happening. I would LOVE to say I got in a sweat session at home, but by the time I got home I was wiped out.

This morning, I got my period, which explains a TON too - including why I am so GD hungry today.
This is what I have had SO FAR:

coffee with almond milk
huge chai tea
B: oats, 1/2 banana, 1 tbs+ natural PB
S: PB on flax wrap
L: 2 helpings of spaghetti squash bake
S: banana

Still to come:
S: hummus with small pita
D: ground turkey with spicy Mexican spices, 2 oz red fat cheese, lots of salsa, 1/2 sweet potato
S: gorge on chocolate cheesecake... Just kidding. That will only be in my mind. However, I may have some unsweetened cocoa powder in hot water with a few drops of stevia.

I will not be exercising tonight. Math class after work (in which I find out my fate on a terrible test I took on Tuesday. I'm mentally preparing myself for a C, so I don't cry when I see it), then quick home to grab dinner and off to choir practice.

This week needs to be over.

Snow

The snow has begun here in CT. I already spoke with Thing 2's daycare and they said they were going to stay open regardless. They are trying really hard to be accomidating because of all the mess last week.

So far, school for Thing 2 is on normal schedule as well.

HAHA!

I'm really glad people aren't going nuts shutting things down. Of course, if something is unsafe, close, but right now, it's jut messy. LATER tonight, we are supposed to get winds of 60+ mph. Sheesh!

Hubby wanted me to cancel my workout and come home tonight. A combination of the snow/sleet and they fact that the car really needs a battery (I have already needed a jump twice to get myself going) has him asking me to come straight home from work. And for a micro-second, I considered it. But nope. I have driven out to Bodyology in worse conditions than this. Last winter I drove in a snow storm, sliding into guardrails twice to get there. I was going super slow and it was just a tap, but the conditions were bad. But dang it, it wasn't going to stop me then, and it's not now.

Eats - Going good. I ate a little more in volume than I was planning, but all clean, so I am feeling OK about it. Progressive. I am human. I can and WILL do this, but I am human.

I'm really looking forward to a good sweat tonight.

That's all for now. Nothing too important to say. Hope you are all out there being the best you can be.

Keep moving forward....

Day 2 and Nerd Fitness

Day 2 of being on track, and I already feel better than I did yesterday. My only hiccup yesterday was a handful of peanuts and raisins I did not have on my plan. I'm over it. It wasn't a freakin' cookie, for crying out loud.

It's just about 12 noon and I am working on 80 oz of fluid down my gullet already. Shooting for 100 today. I peed alllll daaaaayyyyy loooonnngggg yesterday. Not complaining, because I know it means things are moving they way they should be. Today will be the same.

Eats for today look strikingly like yesterday. As in, exactly like yesterday. Go figure. My dinner last night was 1/2 sweet potato with 1/2 cup organic fat free refried beans and 1 oz 75% reduced fat cheese and super spicy salsa. It was great after a cold, cold day.

Cold here again today and we have a nor-eastern moving in. Originally supposed to hit as rain, now they are saying snow because it's been so cold and will continue to be. Winds are supposed to get high, and we have a high probability of losing power again. We live up on a hill, so we never have to worry about the terrible flooding that other poor souls are struggling with, but the winds are killer. I'm going to stop tonight, after voting, and get more of the Amy's Organic Vegetarian Chili. Although it's a sodium killer, the ingredients are good... all recognized as food. Go figure. This, obviously, will be just in case we lose another fridge and freezer of food. *sigh*...

Actually - scratch that. No funds for extra canned goods. Thursday=payday. Can't come soon enough!

I love and can't wait to do this workout from NERD FITNESS - how much do I love the idea of doing mock chin ups on your dining room table? Enough to try it and pray my table holds up. I'll have hubby's help, of course, holding on the other end so I don't end up with a table leg up my nose. Ew. This workout is happening tonight after math test, and voting.

Oh yeah, about that whole voting thing? You really should do it. If you don't, don't bitch about the outcome later, mkay?

Also, did I mention that Steve Kamb at NERD FITNESS is hot? Seriously. Go check him out. I'll wait. And don't tell my husband I said so...

That's all for now. Gonna go do some stairs to get my heart rate up a little. When I sit at my desk for too long, my body feels like a lump. Ugh.

Keep moving forward....

2-by-2

Getting back on track/staying back on track occasionally means more than one post from me a day.

Sorry 'bout that...

2 times today so far I have gone to a little corner of my building and run the stairs. I work in the basement, and the building has 4 floors. Lunch time I did the stairs, 2-by-2 as fast as I could up to the 4th floor, walked to the other end of the building, ran down 2 floors and back up 2-by-2 (not 2-by-2 down, or I would break my neck). I continued the pattern of running down 2 floors, back up (2-by-2) and then walk the length of the building. Repeat on the other stairs.

Luckily, most of the people in my building take the elevator, so I was not in anyones way, and no one was in my way.

Eating is on point. Still have 1/2 snack from the morning left over and my snack for this afternoon pending. Afternoon snack will wait till I am walking to school, to last me till I get home at 8:30.

I'm working. This fatty is not going down without a fight.

Peace

Backward to Forward

I wanted to get this blog started early. Work will be busy and I have a lot to say.

So, as if the pants-wakeup from Friday wasn't enough to keep me totally clean this weekend. Really, fatty? Really??

So, I got on the scale last night. You know, night time, when you weigh the most from all the crap you've stuffed your face with all day. Yeah. I needed the harsh number wake-up call.

And boy, I got it. I cried all the way through my shower. I should be at goal now, not 25 lbs away from it.

I can't even bring myself to type the number. I know what it is.

WTF did I do to myself? WTF happened to get me here?

I got lax. I got lazy. I got overwhelmed. I lost it. I have a LOT of answers as to WHY. Those don’t help me now. None of that helps me to move ON.

Getting it back is SOOO much harder.

I looked in my husband’s eyes this morning: “I need your help. I have to get back on track and I really, really need your help”. He knew I was serious and he told me he would help me.

There is NO junk in the house. Not a random piece of Halloween candy, not ½ bag of mini chocolate chips bought for… well, damn, I don’t even remember WHY they were there in the first place. Nothing. It’s gone. Not just thrown away, but destroyed under hot water, or crushed to smithereens in trash cans.

Anyone with a food or sugar addiction knows, that is the only way it’s *really* gone. Merely throwing it out is not good enough.

Eats for today:
BB: 1 scoop Click, almond milk, water, ice
B: ½ cup plain oats, water, ½ banana, just under 2 tbs PB
S: 1 oz low fat cheese, ½ banana
L: spaghetti squash bake, 2 quinoa spinach bites (all made at home, whole ingredients)
S: flax wrap, 2 tbs PB
D: leftover lemon chicken, carrots, kale chips (made at home)

I have to get out to the store for more fresh veggies. I am totally completely out. Not even an onion to be had. Sad shape.

This post is not just a *waa, waa* post. I do have a little good news to share as well:

Saturday at Bodyology, I PR’ed on my hex dead lift – 185lbs, upped my shoulder press to 25 lbs each arm (from 20) and upped my box jump.

That 185 almost didn’t happen. Focus, determination, and coaching helped make it happen. Not once, but 4 total. Now I need that focus and determination back into my food.

JUST FOR TODAY. I will eat my planned food and only more if I am truly hungry. That “more” will be a fruit or veggie. I will walk at lunch and run stairs on 2 -10 minute breaks.

Keep moving forward... even when you have moved SO far backward...

Muffin, anyone?

Sorry for my oh-so-sunny disposition yesterday. People have it a LOT worse than me in this storm - speaking of which, how are you doing over there ALLAN?? This guy lives right in New York, and no update from him has me a might worried...

We now have electricity. It's amazing what parking your kids in front of the TV for an hour and being able to take a hot shower will do for your outlook on things.

I had a HUGE wake-up call this morning. Getting dressed for work, I grabbed a pair of my normal work pants and attempted to "slip" them on. Well, I got them up, but could hardly button and zip them. Too uncomfortable to wear. Thinking maybe I had grabbed the wrong pair (I have a few smaller pairs I had been working shrinking into), I took them off and looked at the label.......................

14. Mother f*in' 14's. I had to put on 16's this morning. The ones that only a few weeks ago, were really too big to be wearing at all.

Apparently, too many days of comfy-pants wearing had me QUITE disillusioned. It's too damn easy. Too damn easy to gain, and so damn hard to lose. I look back at how hard I worked to get where I was, to throw at least 10 lbs of it away on a month of shit.

------------> Not me, but NOT CUTE. This is how I feel!

Needless to say, I am going to really get down to business. Now with power back, it will be easier. Junk is out of the house... yadda, yadda... blah, blah...

I've been playing phone-tag with a counselor. And it's really funny, but because of my schedule as it is, I actually don't have time (thus far) to even make an appointment with one. I don't have time to get help. That, in and of itself, is a problem.

I’m not much more upbeat than I was yesterday, so I’m not going to go on bitchin’. I hope you all out there are doing well. Happy Friday and all that…

play nice, loser.

I suppose I should post something.

Hurricane Sandy came and went. We are still without electricity, but everyone is safe. Still sucks to be raising 2 small kids in the freaking dark.

I just found out (NOW) that Thing 2's daycare was opened yesterday and today. I had no idea. Yesterday, I had to take off ANOTHER day to stay home with them. Today, I practically had to BEG my in-laws to take them. And I didn't have to. I called and they said "Well, we called and left voicemails and put it on the news" - Um, I DON'T HAVE ELECTRICITY ASSHOLE.

So, I'm back in the mother f*ing hole for PTO at work. Awesome.

The stress, of course, is sky high. No power=no food in fridge=no cooking=eating shit. But then, I was eating shit before we lost power too, so it's not even an excuse.

But, although I still don't have power today, I packed the best I could, including:

1/2 cup dry oats, 1 banana, water and almond butter - cooked it in microwave at work.
2 Lara Bars
1 can of Amy's organic black bean chili. - A sodium BOMB
1 serving of Click Protein

My goal was to get in 64 oz of water and so far I am failing miserably.

I don't have a lot to write because over all, all I feel is angry. I have no outlet for it. I have to play nice girl on the phone with patients, play nice girl at school for a test I don't even know if I have, and nice f*ing girl at church choir practice tonight. When all I really want to do is smash my computer against a wall and walk out. No, not walk, RUN out and AWAY from here and everything.

So, once again, trying to eat like I should. Getting in my workouts. Same old, same old. Do great, screw up, struggle to get it going again... over and over like a damn hampster wheel. Such a loser.