Moody Post

I am so overwhelmed I don’t even know how to start this post.

This system change at work has everyone crazed. I have so many piles of things on my desk, than I needed a break from trying to get everything together. Thus, here I am.

I was given another, much bigger job to do with the search committee I am part of at church. I didn’t know how extensive the job was when I signed up for it. My stomach is in knots. Last night after I left the meeting, I stopped at the grocery store – hubby asked me to pick up seltzer – and I wandered into the bakery section. It’s hard NOT to, when It’s the first thing you walk into when you walk in the door.

I called my hubby. I explained my stress from the meeting and I said

“I need help – I’m eyeing a cheesecake”.

To which he said

“It’s ok baby. Just go get the seltzer and come home. You know that will only make things worse”.

Yes. I do know that. I walked out of the bakery section with his assistance, got seltzer and went home.

Thank you, thank you, thank you hubby

School has begun. Struggle to keep my sanity is getting to a high point. Yes, already.

Last night's mini-hurricane made for some interesting non-sleep. Our windows are old and drafty, and when the wind blows like that, it sounds like screaming through the window. I kept dreaming about people screaming, and then waking up to the wind.

Stats for today before dinner:

Cals 963 Fat 19 g Cholesterol 57 mg Sodium 2147 mg Carbs 134 g Fiber 21 g Protein 67 g Sugars 49 g

Feel good about them. Big salad for dinner.

Went to Group Power last night before my meeting. I left the house with a 2 year old crying for me, begging for me to hold him.

Sometimes it just doesn’t feel worth it. My heart was broken.

Home workout tonight before choir practice. Tomorrow is D-Day for the program. Then, thank GOD it will be the weekend.

I’m moody. Sorry for that. Gonna go before I do any more complaining.

Peace

Deadlines are looming...

Tuesday – chugging along toward the dreaded work deadline – Friday is the official switch over to our new system, and people are getting very testy…

Stats for today:

Cals 1316 Fat 38 g Cholesterol 188 mg Sodium 3935 mg Carbs 141 g Fiber 26 g Protein 92 g Sugars 52 g

Eats for today:

Coffee

B: quinoa breakfast bake w 2tb PB

S: 4 oz plain greek yogurt with 5 strawberries, diced

L: 1 cup chicken chili, 10 baby carrots, 2 tbs Dijon mustard

S: 6 egg white mini “muffins” (egg whites, kale, red peppers, onion and a little bit of feta – baked)

D: large green salad with cuc, red pepper, green olives, good seasons dressing, made with olive oil and vinegar

Water, water, water, and a little more coffee…

I need to incorporate some more purple and blue into my diet – purple cabbage might be on the grocery list next week. Blueberries for sure

Class tonight. I just printed off my Nutrition II semester’s worth of power-points and it’s as thick as a dictionary. A little intimidating, but the subjects are so awesome – diabetes, childhood obesity, obesity and eating during pregnancy and post partum, heart disease… on and on. I’m a little nervous about the time I will miss from class after surgery, but I am going to speak to my instructor after class tonight. It looks like 1 exam will fall about a week after my surgery, so I am going to ask to take it early. We will see what she thinks. Because of canceling class last night, I won’t get to speak to that professor till next week.

Last night I made it over to spin class, and I was happy I did. I really pushed through the workout and was satisfied. I gave the instructor a fist bump on the way out. She asked me my name – I told her – and she said “really great job tonight”… felt good. I was going to do some box jumps after class, but my legs were wrecked. For safety’s sake, I passed. LoL. I figured I’d end up on my face.

My body aches from working hard this past weekend and yesterday. Makes me very happy. Tonight is a “rest” day because of school. Tomorrow night will be Group Power again, and I think I may try for 15-20 minutes of some cardio thrown in, as well.

I LOVE looking at my arms and seeing muscle definition in my bi’s, tri’s and shoulders. The roundness and solidness of the muscle is beautiful. I can’t wait until I can see them in all their glory after all the extra skin is removed.

I have gotten some questions about what surgical procedures I am having. So, to give you a little idea, HERE is a link for the Abdominoplasty  - this is a standard abdominoplasty, and I am having an extended, meaning I will have one incision as shown, and one vertical from about 2 inches below my breast bone to meet the other incision. Kinda like a big upside down “T”.

The brachioplasty is standard- HERE is a link. The incision will go from the arm pit to the elbow.

I've said it before - it's NOT going to be fun. But after losing so much weight, and the physical, as well as mental/emotional pain this skin inflicts on me daily - it has to go.  It's the literal shedding of my physical fatty-self. The mental and emotional shedding of my fatty-self is on going.

Peace all...

weekend recap

Monday updates are tough, because there is so much to say, but I don’t want to bore anyone. Oh well, it’s my blog and I’ll bore if I want to. J

The first thing I want to talk about was my workout yesterday. It was freaking amazing. Hubby and I brought the boys to my moms and we went to the gym for a TRX workout. We did an awesome, sweaty TRX session and then proceeded to “play” with some other stuff in the area. Weighted sled pushes, dead-lifts, box jumps, jam balls slams… it was awesome. I went up TWO extra steps on my box jump… I didn’t have a tape measure, but it was higher than my knees. I know for some of you that’s not epic, but for me, it is. And I was DAMN proud.

A medicine ball attacked me. LOL. I am used to jam ball slams with a 20 lb ball – this was a 10 lb (couldn’t locate a 20) and I was demonstrating the slam to my hubby. I slammed that ball so hard that it came back and wailed me right in the face. I am SO lucky it was not my nose, or eye. I gave myself a fat lip, my lower lip is bruised and my jaw is quite sore. I have to laugh, though. What a dip-shit!

My workout on Saturday was, of course, awesome… but I had so much fun yesterday working it out yesterday and I LOVED that hubby and I were working hard together.

Stats for today, including dinner:

Cals 1277 Fat 30 g Cholesterol 184 mg Sodium 3262 mg Carbs 151 g Fiber 33 g Protein 95 g Sugars 44 g

I admit to getting off track the end of last week. I weighed in after what I thought was a good week and I was up 2 lbs. Now, I know better than to allow that to leave me deflated, but I did anyway. I got off track. Not too bad, and I’m back in challenge mode. I’m not going to let a small flux like that screw with me. Consistency. Consistency is key. I WILL MAINTAIN MY CONSISTENCY.

School starts back this week – but it’s snowing and sleeting out and they have canceled night classes, so at least I get to go home after work. I briefly thought about staying for OT – but really, if I am going to go out and drive around in the snow – it would be to go to the gym, not stay here late. Hmm… not a bad idea…

The kids were let out of school early – thank GOD for in-laws.

Just signed up for spinning class tonight – as long as I’m not spinning all over the roads on the way home (ba-dum-dum).

I can’t wait to get home.

I made crock pot chicken chili yesterday and that is what’s for dinner. It’s gonna be good. I tried a cinnamon quinoa bake for breakfast – it’s good, but I won’t make it too often. Its more calories than I like to do in the AM and I like my Ezekiel bread with PB just as much.

36 Days till Surgery!!. Holy. Shit. I’ve been thinking a lot about what's next and I am working on it. I talked with hubby about it too, so he is prepared for me afterward. We are working as a team here. I’m really lucky.

Ok, I’m going to stop boring you now. Leaving work in 1 hour and hoping the roads aren’t too bad.

PEACE.

Purpose, goals, focus

HEY! Did that title get you to open the post? J

I’ve been thinking about a lot of stuff lately. Nothing really new – but some things I have to address.

My psychiatrist (the guy who gives me the meds J) asked me a very interesting question.

“So…. What is your goal after your surgery?”

Huh?

Wow. I hadn’t thought about it. I’ve been very focused on getting to surgery. But what about after?

I’m really glad he posed the question. We all remember how I totally fell apart after my mud run in the fall. It was the beginning of months of struggle in many ways.

I think this can happen to the best of ‘em. You prep and focus on a specific event. Then once it’s over – well, you feel empty. You feel a sense of loss. Loss of purpose. Loss of focus.

source

So, now I am really thinking on it. Why am I concerned about it? Well, because I am prone to bouts of depression.  And this type of sudden lack of focus and lack of specific goals is the biggest culprit of a flare up.

What is my goal after surgery? For my entire life that I can recall – my life has been focused on weight loss goals. Yes, I will still need to lose some weight after the surgery, but it will be a lot more strength gaining and losing weight will be a little less “urgent”. Maintaining a healthy focus while not actively needing to lose a large amount of weight is something I have never encountered. Maybe, for the first time, the number on the scale will not be what I base myself of… what then?

Source

Specific fitness goals seem to make sense here. Strength gaining goals. I have lots of these I can think of – the only issue with this being my focus, is that I will be unable to do any intense training for probably 6 weeks after the surgery.

Keeping my diet very clean will be a priority, of course…

I have already signed up for another mud run in the fall… so, there is training for that….

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I’m really just hashing this all out in my head right now.

I just don’t want to feel that struggle. I don’t want to feel that loss. I want to avoid it at all possible cost.

Anyone reading this been in a similar situation? Thoughts?

ACTIVATE!

Good morning!

I’m going into another 12 hr work day and then topping it off with choir rehearsal tonight. I won’t see my babies till I creep into their room when I get home at 9:30 and kiss their sleeping heads. *sigh*. It’s worth it – right? Sometimes I don’t know.

Let me, once again, make clear – I am GRATEFUL for my job, and for the overtime. We really need the funds. It’s only temporary, so we need to take advantage!

Quickly, stat update:

Cals 1007 Fat 27 g Cholesterol 68 mg Sodium 3379 mg Carbs 116 g Fiber 23 g Protein 63 g Sugars 48 g

Yup, this was yesterday. By the time I got home, and made my yummy dinner of salad and chicken breast – it was too late to be hungry for a snack, so my stats dropped quite a bit. Still impressive protein for it, though!

Group Power last night was great. Once again, I tried to push myself with weights. However, I’m still a little confused in this realm. When I am working at Bodyology, and I know I am only doing a move for 40-60 seconds, I can load up and go heavy. With this class, you are working one group of muscles continuously for 4-5 minutes. I don’t want to go so heavy that I can’t make it, but I don’t want to go so light that I feel like I could have done more. Still playing around with this.

I am SO glad I decided to for-go some overtime to get to the class. I need that balance. Tomorrow night is no OT, so I am thinking going in for some cardio and the core class I ended up in last week (thinking it was step – duh! But it was a good mistake!)

Stats for today:

Cals 1054 Fat 30 g Cholesterol 50 mg Sodium 3561 mg Carbs 139 g Fiber 27 g Protein 54 g Sugars 74 g

Yes, this is including dinner – and including too much fruit. However, fruit and veggies are the most portable thing to have on hand right now, and since I won’t be home till 9:30 – it’s all I’ve got on the run. Tomorrow – less fruit (=less sugar)

If I get hungry, I will eat something else. If not, hey, the calories stay low.

I walked into the office this morning and was confronted with a huge tray of fudge brownies. *sigh*. I told my hubby and this was his reaction:

“I think you should yell “SO UNFAIR!!! DEATH TO THE INFADELS!!! I KEEL YOU!!!” and throw the plate against the wall.”

I love him. This is obviously the perfect reaction – even worthy of Norma!!!

I’m sure you have heard how damn cold it is around here already, so I will leave you with this:



Source



 Keep moving forward guys!

The 26 hour day

Super, duper, incredibly fast post.

More OT today, however, I am prioritizing and leaving early from said OT to go to group Power. Because it’s important to me. Tomorrow night, I’ll be working till 7 again, and will be in rehearsal 7:30-9. My poor kids won’t know who I am. I’m even coming in on Saturday this week… *sigh*

Stats for today:

Cals 1299 Fat 44 g Cholesterol 68 mg Sodium 3956 mg Carbs 140 g Fiber 30 g Protein 72 g Sugars 65 g

 This is INCLUDING dinner. Pre-planning! I rock!

Eats for today:

B: Ezekiel and PB
S: banana

L: sweet potato, clean “re-fried” beans, salsa

S: 4oz plain chiobani, ½ cup blueberries

D: large green salad, 4 oz chicken breast, good seasons, green olives, red peppers, cukes, tomatoes,

S: apple, 2 tbs natural PB

Lots of tea, some with almond milk, water and seltzer.

Tonight, as I said – Group Power. I am totally at ease with sacrificing 2 hours of OT to go to class.

I felt like such a lug not going to my spin class last night. But I left here at 7, went to a meeting and wasn’t home until 9:30 – and I hadn’t even eaten dinner at that point. I snacked on nuts at the meeting, but I think I over ate them. I was starving, and I certainly wasn’t measuring. Moving on from this.

It’s freakin’ freezing here – not making it above 20 degrees at the peak of the day. It’s going down into the negatives tonight. Um. Brr.

Hubby has been asked to start OT as well, and it will continue for at least the next year. It means that getting the boys together and out the door in the morning will be all on me. It’s a tough process, especially trying to get into my office by 7:30. It’s a lot of stress.

Source

Anyone wanna take a stab at creating a 26 hour day?? Anyone? Anyone?



I’m taking one day at a time. If I look forward (OT plus classes plus exercise plus meetings/rehearsal plus family = holy shit) it’s too much. I’m, as always, moving forward…

Blueberries and Overtime

Going into another overtime week and I am not feeling it. I came in yesterday (technically a holiday) for 5 hours. It was good, because we are working on special projects having to do with our medical record transition. The time always goes quickly when I have things OTHER than scheduling someone’s appointment for the 5^th time.  Ok, anyway…

The weekend went *ok*. I ate more than I should have. I kept it clean, but was over my calories Sunday and Monday.  I’m also re-cooping from a cold. I did, however, get in my Bodyology workout Saturday before wanting to fall over, and I went to spinning last night, in the snow and freezing cold. Suck it up, buttercup. I took Sunday off of the workout schedule and slept. A lot.



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And I liked it.

Damn,  and I still feel so tired. Blech.

Alright, moving on… I’m not going to bore you with the weekend stats. They weren’t *terrible* especially considering the kind of damage I can do with food if given the chance. But they were over my 1400 calorie cap.

The stats for today, pre-dinner:

Cals 838 Fat 21 g Cholesterol 0 mg Sodium 3359 mg Carbs 126 g Fiber 27 g Protein 36 g Sugars 53 g

The Eats:

B: Ezekiel and PB – pretty standard

S: 4 oz plain fat free chobani, 3 oz blueberries

L: ½ sweet potato, 4 oz clean crock-pot “refried” beans

S: ½ red pepper, 5 baby carrots, 3 tbs hummus

S: banana (maybe)

D: Not sure. Probably salad with some tuna and maybe some chick peas thrown in.



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How excited was I to find fresh blueberries on sale this weekend! SYCHED! LOVE them!

Because of OT, there will be no workout tonight, but I plan on leaving early enough tomorrow to get my Group Power class in. I really enjoy it and don’t want to miss it.

Since activity is a little less this week, it means diet has to be even MORE on target.

CLASSES begin again next week! ACK! I can’t believe it! Running right back into the semester. I’m a little nervous to talk with my professors about the time off for the surgery. I’m hoping I will be able to keep up in the weeks I am unable to go to class.



Go Fund Me Site!



Awesome news: I have surpassed the $1000 mark in my fundraising efforts! HOORAY! I’m so blessed to have so much support from friends and family. My goal is to raise $500 more, and that combined with an extremely generous donor matching contribution, will get me to my $2500 needed goal. 6 weeks left – I hope I can do it!

$500 and 15 lbs to go. I WILL DO IT!

Inspiration

Friday, my dears. I’m so freaking happy it is Friday. Let’s get into stats:

Yesterday

Cals 1284 Fat 39 g Cholesterol 68 mg Sodium 3078 mg Carbs 167 g Fiber 39 g Protein 69 g Sugars 31 g

Today (before dinner)

Cals 886 Fat 25 g Cholesterol 68 mg Sodium 1302 mg Carbs 117 g Fiber 21 g Protein 47 g Sugars 37 g

I’m not going to post food today, because I have very little time to write today. However, I have to tell you guys that we had a work luncheon today, and in anticipation, I brought my own lunch, ate it beforehand and had a small plate of salad and water while I was there. It was tough, but I feel really good about it.

You know how you have encounters with people, seemingly random, and it changes your whole day? Or maybe even your whole thought process? I’ve written about this before, and I had such an experience today.

I was walking back to my office, just thinking about how much I wanted to go home after work and NOT to the gym, and I ran into Andrea. I didn’t recognize her at first. She and I had a great workout once at Bodyology. As a breast cancer survivor, she was trying out Tuff Girl workouts for the first time. I told her I was completely inspired by her.

Then we did what anyone in this century would do when you meet someone new. You start following them on Facebook!

Because of some health issues, she has not been able to come back to Bodyology. She stopped me in the hall and told me I was an inspiration to her and that in regards to working out I was the hardest working person she knew.

I’m sorry, what?

This woman, who fought for her LIFE is telling me that I am inspiring to HER??

Well, let’s just say I changed my mind about going home instead of the gym. If this woman is looking at me thinking I am working hard, I am going to damn-well prove her right.

That was just the run-in I needed today to keep moving forward.

So, Step at 5:30. Bodyology in the AM.

Thing 1 starts gymnastics tomorrow. He LOVES gymnastics. He’s taken it before and has a wonderful time. He’s the youngest in the class, and it never bothers him. If he sticks out these few months with it on Saturday mornings at the community center, and still loves it, we are going to enroll him in a gymnastics school and move him deeper into it.

Peace guys – hope your weekend is exceptional.

BO-RING :-)

Wow, I just realized its 3:00 and I did not update yet!

I’m happy to post yesterdays stats:

Cals 1115 Fat 41 g Cholesterol 65 mg Sodium 3413 mg Carbs 138 g Fiber 32 g Protein 61 g Sugars 37 g

Over 100 oz of water down, as well.

Calories were under goal again, and while part of me looks at that and relishes in it, I have to be careful. This cannot become a game of “how low can I get my calories”. That sets me up for a binge big time. However, I am feeling very good about it all, and I am going to revamp my calorie goal as “Not over 1400” instead of “Between 1300-1400”.

The weight is coming off. Awesome. I WILL make my goal of 175 by my surgery date: 3/6/13.

Stats for today:

Cals 1191 Fat 37 g Cholesterol 68 mg Sodium 3075 mg Carbs 149 g Fiber 37 g Protein 66 g Sugars 30 g

This leaves room for a snack later. Not sure what it will be yet.

Eats for today (not including my fluids anymore – kinda tedious to include them here everyday, no?):

B: 1 slice Ezekiel with 2 tbs PB

S: 1 chick pea quinoa patty

L: 4 oz chicken breast, 4 tbs salsa, ½ sweet potato

S: 1 chick pea quinoa patty, 1 banana

D: large green salad with peppers, tomatoes, cucumbers, 1 cup spicy black bean soup, 2 tbs nutritional yeast

S:? TBD

Power last night was great. I upped my weight a little, but not to the point of incapacitation. I worked hard- my body shook with exertion, so I know it was a good time.

Tonight is rest night – church choir for me, staying home for hubby. He’s not feeling well at ALL.

I’ve been looking forward to the upcoming 3 day weekend for WEEKS now. However, the boss just e-mailed and said overtime was available for Monday, and for evenings next week. With the expenses I anticipate for the surgery, overtime is a must. I’m going to do ½ day on Monday and take the rest of the day with the family. Next week, I am going to factor in this not-so-often-offered overtime into my evenings. That may mean no classes at the gym, but some quick intense workouts once I get home.

Striking a balance here is hard. Working overtime is what’s right and needed for my family. Exercising is what’s right and needed for me… I want to do both, of course. But is it feasible? The workout schedule may need to dial down a little, just for next week. However, the last thing I want is to lose momentum…

It’s a toughy, for sure.

I feel like the blog has been boring the past few days – no pics or anything. I’ll try to jazz it up tomorrow.

Later peeps!