Saturday, July 2, 2011

Another tough night, and another victory

I started off today with the most awesome spinning class. Now, usually I pray for spinning class to be over. I mean, up till today, I do it because it's a good workout, and it's no pressure on my heel. Well, today, this instructor was amazing. She was motivating, used AWESOME music, and I was about to find the ENJOYMENT or the ride. I felt really, really good walking out of there.
The rest of the day was nothing to really report on - a little teaching, a little time to myself while Thing 1 went on a nice date with Mimi (my mom) to the movies, Thing 2 was napping, and the hubs had rehearsal. I indulged in a little guilty-pleasure TV, did some dishes... no biggie. Thing 1 and the hubs got home, and we took the kids to the pool. Pretty cool. Get home... and I start to feel anxious. I don't know why. No stressors that I can pinpoint - unless it was because I was thinking about what to have for dinner. Suddenly, I wanted pizza and ice cream. The craving came on with vengeance. I tried to ignore it. I brought Thing 2 up for bed... success. Came down. Thing 1 eating dinner... and the hubs asks the questions "What are you hungry for?" So, I spell it out p-i-z-z-a and i-c-e c-r-e-a-m. Hubs raises his eyebrows. "really"? (We have to spell these things or Thing 1 starts screaming for them too...)
Yes really...

This is the fight that sometimes occurs within myself. I get a craving for something unhealthy. I battle this craving in my head. My inner fat girl wants to justify why it's ok, and my outer, fitter girl says no - there has to be something better for you to eat. The craving is not just physical - it's emotional. It's mental. Those things MAKE it physical. So I am battling all three at once.
Not so long ago, it wouldn't have been a long battle before I gave in. Then, had to deal with the guilt, the shame, the nausea. Today is different. Today, my fit girl won.
I made a pot of homemade sauce (a little olive oil, onions, garlic, chopped tomatoes, tomato sauce, and tomato paste. I melted up some mozzarella cheese in a bowl (this has always been a thing of mine - I LOVE melted cheese) and poured some sauce on it. Ta-da! Instant crust-less pizza. No guilt, no over eating.
On top of finding a substitute for my pizza craving - to battle my anxious feeling I went out for a walk/run. It started as just a walk - no pressure - but I ran some, just because I wanted to. That felt really good.
Came in from my walk and whipped up a sugar free mocha shake (Click Protein, 1 sugar free pudding cup, ice, water - buzz together - instant mocha-y yummyness.)

I feel really, really good about this evening. It's quite a victory. I think about how I was not so long ago. Battling my fears, anxieties, depression with food. I'm not that girl anymore. That takes a little getting used to, but it feels so good.


  1. I do fake pizza by getting one roll at the bakery, putting on some tomato sauce, popping in a string cheese, and toasting it in my George Foreman grill. Quick lunch, great with a salad. Satisfies my pizza craving just enough. :)

  2. I love that point you made - sometimes I struggle with a craving, and feel really annoyed if I give in after a few hours of inner debating. But I never stopped to think that it took me three hours to finally eat it, when in the past I would have downed it instantly!