Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Fear - POOF!

I've been thinking a lot about fear and courage lately. I have taken a hard look at myself and discovered that whenever I get close to a goal, I tend to sabotage myself. Why? At first, I couldn't fathom why some sub-conscious part of me would want to sabotage all the work it takes to accomplish goals (fitness related, or not)... then, it kinda hit me: Fear.
Not fear of accomplishing goals, but of the unknown, and of failure. If I don't TRY to make the goal, I won't be failing! But if I try, and don't make it - I have failed.

Yesterday, I went to a spinning class. Now, I have a love hate relationship with Spinning. I have really begun to enjoy it, but yesterdays class was HORRIBLE. It began at 5:45, and by 6:03 I was already checking my clock, praying for it to have magically been an hour. I'm still unsure what made this class different from my last - maybe lack of sleep? Different trainer? I talked myself into leaving the class half way through. I kept thinking: just make it half way, and then you can leave.

The fact is, I was afraid I couldn't make it through the class. I really thought my legs would give out, or I would simply be unable to keep pedaling.

When fear sets in, we only have one weapon - our own minds. Our minds control our bodies. If our mind is strong and focused and determined, our bodies will follow. They WILL follow. It really is up to you whether you can or cannot do something. You make the decision.

Half way through class came, and I (out loud, mind you, thankfully, the music is loud) said "Fuck this. Just do it."

And I did. Till the bitter end. I hated it at the moment, but when I was done, there was a real sense of pride and accomplishment, but mentally and physically.
I had to push through my fear. Push through my MENTAL barriers. My body got through just fine (ok, a little sore!)

I would like to note that I got on the scale this morning (yes, I know, I shouldn't be weighing so often. Bad habit I am still working on) and I was 204.4 Yes, that's right - I am 5 lbs away from IT - ONEDERLAND. I will NOT allow fear to sabatage my efforts this time. I will not stray from my goal. I will not allow my fear of failure or the unknown keep me from this. It's TOO important.


  1. Stay off the scale. ;) It does become an addiction. I pinky promise you that. I was on it ALL the dang time. After every bathroom break, every workout, every meal. Just to see the changes. It drove me MAD! Two, You will not sabatage yourself!! Your readers wont let you!! You are SOOOO close! You can do it!!! :)

  2. Thanks Trisha - the scale is like CRACK!!!!