Thursday, August 11, 2011

Standing up for myself

When I was growing up - a fat kid in school - my objective was to blend in. So, when I got bullied, I backed down. I ignored it, I ran away from it. I never stood up for myself, because the fear was that it would only provoke more torture.

Over the years, there have been times when I have gotten so heated over something that I can't hold back. My darling husband calls it being "passionate"

I know others would call it something else, but whatever.

The point is, as I have grown up (and DEFINATELY as I have gotten SMALLER) I have been able to defend myself more often.

Isn't it sad that as a fat person I didn't even like myself enough to defend MYSELF??? I feel sad for my former self.

I have a lot of stressors in my life right now (no, it's not the famine or riots or anything of catastrophic consequence, but stress in my little life, none the less) and one in particular has forced me to put my foot down and finally confront some bad behavior. One thing I can't stand is someone who is ungrateful when you go out of your way to help them. Not only ungrateful, but downright rude. Perhaps this person feels entitled to the time and effort I am putting into this situation. Entitlement is another thing I can't stand. So, there you go.

It will be interesting to see where this situation goes. It could come to a head, or it could fizzle. Who can say. The ball is in this other persons court right now.

Anyway, this week is crazy, as I have mentioned. I am taking this evening off. I am enjoying my kids till they go to bed, and then I am sitting on my ass for a little while. Then I will lay my ass in the bed and go to sleep. This is all my evening will consist of...well, maybe a little TV thrown in there for good, slacking measure.

I will attempt not to think about the following:

laundry, cleaning, rehearsal, money, babysitting, work, teaching, school, theater, music, exercise, eating, time, lack of time, or anything else that is plaguing my brain right now.

Go ahead, you can laugh.


  1. Standing up for myself is something I'm terrible at. I'm a 'let it go' girl thru and thru.


  2. I was never really one for standing up for myself either - my usual tactic was to make a joke of everything, even to the extent of joining in with the jibes against me, in a tongue-in-cheek, self-deprecating way. Well, that's how I wanted it to seem anyway, but it still hurt!