Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Day 4 without power...

Still hangin’ out without power. I'm not a camper, so this is getting old.
Trying to stay positive. The power companies are working very hard, I know... blah. blah.

This is a map of CT - everyone in the black is 81%-100% out of power. This is as of yesterday - my town is actually purple now, with 78% loss.

My system is so screwed up. All these carbs are killing me, but what's killing me even more is not being able to feed my kids normal, nutritious meals. Thing 1's lunch today consists of Special K cracker crisps, a banana and a carton of organic milk. That's all. Thank goodness they provide snacks at school... breakfast for the baby was a crumbled up granola bar and 1/2 container of organic milk. He was, understandably, not happy. At least he'll get good food over Grandma's today.

Tonight, the in-laws are going to take the kids, feed them, give them nice warm baths, and put them in PJ's, bring them home (to the dark house) for bed. We have rehearsal tonight (after class), so in essence, I won't see my babies till tomorrow morning.

I missed my first class last night. I have 20 minutes to get to my 2nd class tonight from where I work. It takes me 10 minutes to walk to my car, so you can see how that's going to go. I still have not bought the required course materials because I haven't been able to shell out the $150 for them. I hope that I can get through class today without them.

My plan was, if we didn't have power by today, to move everyone over to my moms, where she DOES have power. She doesn't live that far from me. She's out of town and told us to come there. But get this: My schedule is so bad over the next few days, I don't have time to grab laundry and get the kids together to go there and stay. Ridiculous, I know.

I'm a little bit of a mess.

I'm following Allan's lead with following a bariatric diet. He and his peeps are starting with liquids, moving to mushies/soft foods, then finally to small portions of proteins and veggies (correct me if I'm wrong, Allan!). Now, I am post bariatric, and so reverting back to this plan is what some post-surgery people would call the "5 day pouch test". It's used to re-connect your body and brain to the size of your pouch. Now, it's hard enough to do this when you have a stomach the size of an orange (or smaller, depanding on how far out you are), but to do it without actually having surgery - well, I can't imagine having that kind of will.

So, I am going to do this, but frankly, I'm not starting it till I have power and a refrigerator to store all my liquids in. I know if it's not palatable (cold, fresh) I simply won't stick to it. So, as soon as that occurs I am on board. (look for my e-mail Allan!)

I think after this awful barrage of garbage in my system, it will feel really good to flush (no pun intended) all of it out.

I'm cranky, so I apologize. I prolly should have warned you first, so you could have ignored this entry.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

I'm alive!

Well, we weathered the storm. Lost power Sunday morning around 5:30. Still have no power, no ice, no phone, but we do have water. Thing 1 is getting really crazy. Thank goodness his school opened up today and I was able to come to work.
This storm has made eating insane. I should have started doing liquids with Allan and his peeps, so at least I would know what the hell I was doing. All I've got is carbs: cereal, fiber bars, cereal, goldfish crackers... I am a bloated mess. Gross. My gym is closed, Tuff Girl is closed...crap. I'm going to hell in a handbasket.
Hoping power gets restored today, but I'm not naive. When they say it could be a week, I believe them. I am in one of those towns that is 100% without...
This week is the opening of the show. The power in the church we are performing in was miraculously restored last night. Thank goodness. So, rehearsals every night, classes beginning this week as well.
I really can't wait for things to calm down a little so I can go back to my previously scheduled programming... I feel pretty out of control and certainly out of sorts with eating and working out.
I know I will get back to it. I am on a mission. This is a stumble, but it won't be a fall. I will get through it. I will get all the refined carbs out of my system and recover.
I hope everyone else out there effected is ok. We had people who lost their homes to the ocean in the town next to us. When I think about bitching about my lack of electricity, I think of them. Yeah, I don't have it so bad. And chances are, if you are reading this, neither do you. Be happy. You are alive. Make something happen for yourself today. I'm sure going to try.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Wow - sorry! No updates all weekend, and now it's already Tuesday!
Well, things are going well -

Eating is on track, even over the weekend! Score!

Exercise - pretty good. Still struggling to find good cardio options with this damn heel pain. This is what the workout schedule for the last few days looked like:

8/20 - 100 pushups (16 on my toes!), 100 crunches, 25 minutes pilates*
*see below!

8/21 - Form clinic @ my FAV place Tuff Girl Fitness! We talked about pushups and pullups, worked with the TRX, learned deadlifts and Hungarian deadlifts... it was awesome! I did (drum roll, please.......) 5 assisted pullups! I have NEVER done a pullup before EVER!!! I was really, really proud. And my arms are still feeling it! Nice!

8/22 Spinning @ InShape

Today - hmm.... well, rehearsal tonight, so a big workout is out of the question. So, I'll just walk as much as I can, and try and do my 100's before and after rehearsal.

As you can see, Spinning has been my only real cardio. I really, really need to find more to get my heartrate going. Any suggestions are MORE than welcome!

*So, Pilates - this was my first real stab at pilates, and I was pleasantly surprised. It is almost all core work, and I worked hard, but didn't break a sweat or get my heart rate up. I think I will researve Pilates, like I do for Yoga, to recovery days. But, it was pretty cool! I was just happy I could do it!

I find it funny that even after all this time, I still get nervous going into a new class, trying something new (even at home, in my own living room!) AND that I still get nervous going into Spin class. WHY?? I've done it LOTS now. I know what I am doing. I feel proficient. So, why the nervous feeling?

Maybe it's just IFG (Inner Fat Girl) trying to get the best of me?
Meh. Who knows.

Haven't weighed in, but dammit, I am anticipating a loss. There BETTER be a loss. I AM doing all the right things... and I feel really good.

Heading into a crazy few weeks. The show I am in is coming up quickly. Tech week starts on Sunday... then 2 weekends of performances. I love the show, I LOVE the group we are working with. We have really become a family. But I EALLY, REALLY need some free time back, especially since school is back in session NEXT WEEK as well. When it rains, it pours.

2 more classes this semester... keep on keepin' on.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Totally successful in destruction - save yourself

So, as promised, I gave Bob Harpers Beginners Weightloss Transformation a go last night.

As I had heard, this really doesn't feel like a beginners workout. I look back to when I started exercising with Leslie Sansones Walk at Home program... and if I had ever started with this, I would have turned it off 15 minutes in. By the last 15 minutes, I was grunting and groaning through planks, toe pushups, cross mountain climbers, jacks, high knees, plie squats... at that was just the LAST 15 minutes. At 40 minutes into this 45 minute workout, I was really looking for a cool-down and stretch. Just when I thought I was going to get it, we did 2 sets of tricep dips.

At this point, I was calling Bob names. Bad ones.

It was a great workout, I must say.

However, if you are really beginning, and especially if you are at a higher weight, I wouldn't start with this until you have built up some strength and stamina. I remember Leslie Sansone being challenging when I first started.

I love this workout - but it DESTROYED my heel. As you know, if you've been reading, my podiatrist took me off all high impact exercise. Now, I had never done this video before, so I figured that if there were any high impact moves, I could do the low-impact substitution... well, I should have known better. I didn't do that. My heel felt fine while I was working out, but in the middle of the night I tried to get to the boys room (Thing 1 had a nighmare, poor baby!!) and I couldn't walk. I had to wake up the hubs to go into him.

Yeah, when I go down, I go down hard.

This morning was hellish as I tried to stretch it out and get moving.

Lesson learned.

So, to sum up - video: good for intermediates, bad for beginners and plantar fasciitis.

So, today is a rest day from exercise.

Todays eating is totally on track. Funny though, this morning when I was limping around, getting myself and the boys ready for the day, I thought "boy, a Mocha would really make me feel better this morning"... "just one wouldn't hurt"


Talk about self-destruction.

I'm sorry, I didn't know chocolate sauce, hot milk and coffee had magical healing properties.

Oh wait. It doesn't.

I had to laugh at myself. Old mind habits die hard.

I mixed up my Click protein shake and made my way out the door, heaving the boys with me.

It's gonna be a good day.

so - going through some self-destruction? Save Yourself! You know how - DO IT!

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Hey Blogland, Whatcha Doin?

Day is dragging a little... but one perk is I don't have my "munchy meeting" today, so no worries about avoiding the snacky stuff.
I prepared myself well today, and I'm feeling very good and on plan. I weighed in this morning and I am 206. Not too bad, actually, seeing as I have been screwing up lately... I'm counting my blessings. I'm also realizing that what I see as a "major screw-up" food-wise now, is not nearly what it used to be. It's an interesting contrast. That change could also account for the small loss I've had (3 lbs in 2 weeks) - I'm grateful. But it's far from stellar.

So, tonight I am going to give Bob Harpers New DVD a try. It's called a "beginners weight loss" workout, but the review makes it clear it's a little more "intermediate". We shall see. I'll certainly report back tomorrow. I still have to be careful with my heel. It has gotten quite a bit better since I have come off all high-impact exercise. I really have missed it, but the spinning and weight and yoga have been great too. Perhaps a blessing in disguise? Maybe my body needed a change.
Ok, so far I have 80 oz of water down, almost 6000 steps and I feel really positive. How is everyone else out there doing???

Please check this out!!!

Please, please, please, please check out this post.
Draz puts it in better words than I ever could. I really LOVE her blog, but this post is magnificent!
This is some really good stuff for EVERYONE to think about.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Back in the saddle again....

Today is going very well. Plan intact, feeling really good.
I'm on 60 oz of water. Plan on having all 80 down by the time I leave work at 4:30.
Spinning at 5:30. What is it about that tourture that keeps me going back for more? Oh yea, it's my stupid heel pain. Oh well. I have to get my cardio somehow.
I plan on doing some stretching or maybe a light, relaxing yoga video later, for some destress. I love how I feel after a really good stretching session or yoga. I can't wait.... "ahhhh"
I think I'll bring Thing 1 with me to the gym. He loves to go to the play room there, and I think it's importnat for him to see the Hubs and I being physically active (get your mind out of the gutter). He's also fascinated that I go "ride the bikes" but the bikes don't go anywhere. I showed him the spinning room and how you pedal, but stay still. He was a little confused. So now everytime he comes with me, I have to show him again. LOL.
Not sure what's on deck for dinner tonight. Probably salad with a little mexican flair (black beans, salsa, a little lowfat cheese.)
Some quotes to keep you (and me) moving along today:

"Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough.” Og Mandino

"Strength is a matter of a made up mind." John Beecher

"I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but it comes from within." Anonymous

"It's not whether you get knocked down; it's whether you get up." Vince Lombardi

"You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is." Ellen Degeneres

Where are those damn bootstraps??

Cause I am pulling myself up by them, dammit!
I read a great post by Christine that basically said - if you don't like the view, keep climbing.
Yeah. I don't like the view at over 200 lbs.
Especially when I have worked so damn hard and I am so damn close to being UNDER 200 lbs.
I don't know what I weigh right now. I haven't gotten on the scale. But I will do that in the AM, so I know where I am at. I'm scared to see what damage I have done, but it is what it is, and I need to accept it and move forward.
Spinning tonight. Maybe some good stretching or relaxing Yoga later.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011


I'm not even sure what to post today. I am still feeling stuck in a rut. Some have told me it's just a phase, and it will pass and things will be back to normal. Maybe that's true, but I have this underlying, intense fear that if I slip at all, I will suddenly be 365 lbs again. I can't ever slip. I can't ever be that way again.
I can't go back.
Is this really just a phase? Because I feel like I am trying to dig myself out of quicksand.
I am looking for a Reiki practitioner to make an appointment with. I am a practitioner myself, but frankly, I don't have the confidence in myself with it anymore. I haven't practiced in a while... but I think a clearing out, and maybe more yoga might be helpful in getting my head of straight.
Any of you big losers out there go through periods of this? What do you do?
Please don't tell me to suck it up. I know I have to do that. Yes, I guess I am looking for a little sympathy. Actually, more than that, I am looking for some hope. Everyone goes through this and comes out the other side not too much worse for wear, and moves on with all of their fitness goals. Yeah. So if you have one of those stories, please feel free to share it.
I have lost a lot of motivation since my workout schedule has had to change. Things like my Tuff Girl work-outs were always just that ass-kicking I needed to keep moving. Was I not my OWN driving force?
I guess not.
How am I ever going to help people do this when I can't do it myself? Oh sure, I can dole out the advise, but I can't practice it. Nice.
Big Hypocrite.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Standing up for myself: Part 2

Very interesting outcome to my need to confront some bad behavior yesterday. The person confronted wrote to me, quite apologetic, and totally turned around her attitude.

Very, very interesting.

I am really happy it has turned out this way. When I opened my e-mail this morning and saw there was a response from her, I got nervous. I actually tried to get the hubs to log onto my e-mail and read it for me. But, I couldn't reach him, so... I took a deep breath and opened it up - to a very pleasant response. It really caught me off guard (I was kinda ready for a fight, honestly) and got my day off to a nice start.

I guess it can pay to just suck it up, be honest and put your feelings out there. Sometimes, it actually works out.

I am coming crashing down from 4 shots of espresso this morning. Yes, you read that right. And now I am paying for it. If I had anything even REMOTLEY resembling a pillow, I'd be out. Right on my desk.

So, as I insert the toothpicks to keep my eyelids open, I will say that I am going spinning in the AM (in place of my precious Tuff Girl classes - boo!) and hoping that will get my day off to a good start. I'm feeling pretty yuck today. A little dizzy, bloated, overall uncomfortable. My own fault. Too much caffeine this morning=dizzy now, not enough water=bloated now, not eating totally on plan and lacking in movement this week=uncomfortable. You can't bitch about something you are doing to yourself.

One of the blogs I follow with reverence is Tricia. I love her blog... but I was taken by surprise by her latest post. I think it was the visual that really got me... I had to get past it (my cousin committed suicide last year by hanging himself, so it really gave me a jolt). What do you guys think of this? Is Obesity suicide?

At first I thought No. It's different because a person committing suicide plans and follows through with one single act that is meant to cause death. It's short. Quick. Immediate. Obesity is the result of bad choices over a long period of time. If someone looked down at a piece of pizza and said "I will consume this, and I will die right after" - suicide. If a person eats said pizza, knowing it's not good for them, but is highly unlikely to cause their immediate demise - not suicide.

But then, the definition of suicide: the act or an instance of taking one's own life voluntarily and intentionally especially by a person of years of discretion and of sound mind - says nothing about duration.

Certainly one could argue someone with a drug problem is leading themselves to suicide. So, why wouldn't obesity be similar?

It's such a tough question, and frankly, not one I am going to pose an opinion on. For no other reason than I just don't have the answer that feels right to ME yet.

So, what do you think?

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Standing up for myself

When I was growing up - a fat kid in school - my objective was to blend in. So, when I got bullied, I backed down. I ignored it, I ran away from it. I never stood up for myself, because the fear was that it would only provoke more torture.

Over the years, there have been times when I have gotten so heated over something that I can't hold back. My darling husband calls it being "passionate"

I know others would call it something else, but whatever.

The point is, as I have grown up (and DEFINATELY as I have gotten SMALLER) I have been able to defend myself more often.

Isn't it sad that as a fat person I didn't even like myself enough to defend MYSELF??? I feel sad for my former self.

I have a lot of stressors in my life right now (no, it's not the famine or riots or anything of catastrophic consequence, but stress in my little life, none the less) and one in particular has forced me to put my foot down and finally confront some bad behavior. One thing I can't stand is someone who is ungrateful when you go out of your way to help them. Not only ungrateful, but downright rude. Perhaps this person feels entitled to the time and effort I am putting into this situation. Entitlement is another thing I can't stand. So, there you go.

It will be interesting to see where this situation goes. It could come to a head, or it could fizzle. Who can say. The ball is in this other persons court right now.

Anyway, this week is crazy, as I have mentioned. I am taking this evening off. I am enjoying my kids till they go to bed, and then I am sitting on my ass for a little while. Then I will lay my ass in the bed and go to sleep. This is all my evening will consist of...well, maybe a little TV thrown in there for good, slacking measure.

I will attempt not to think about the following:

laundry, cleaning, rehearsal, money, babysitting, work, teaching, school, theater, music, exercise, eating, time, lack of time, or anything else that is plaguing my brain right now.

Go ahead, you can laugh.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

My plan - post podiatrist

Ok folks - New plan.

I went to the podiatrist yesterday and I got cortisone shot #2. It hurt, but whatever. She told me that, until I see her again (Aug 30) there is to be NO high impact exercise involving my heel. She said that since I am doing everything else I was supposed to (wearing supports, got fitted for really good sneakers, rolling it out, stretching it) that we have to take out all other variables, including the exercise.

This is basically all I do.
She kinda said this to me last time, although then it was more of a suggestion rather than a direct order. So, I really didn't take it down too much. And I probably should have.

No zumba, no Turbofire, no Tuff Girls (tear), no running, no heavy walking... holy crap - what else am I gonna do??
But, I have to do this or I'll be limping around all the time. The pain will get (has gotten) so bad I won't be able to do those exercises anyway.
So, I went through a few different feelings on this.
First, I panicked. If I stop exercising, I will lose all momentum to do it and I won't be able to get back into it.
Then, I had a moment (ok, maybe a little longer than a moment) of "who cares. You aren't losing any weight anyway. The exercise isn’t helping. Just forget it"
Ah yes, the IFG is very convincing.
But, I don't exercise just for weight loss anymore. Yes, that is why I started, but now I see what it does for my health and wellness, and THAT is why I continue to do it. It has made me stronger, more flexible, dropped my blood pressure, and given me more energy (most of the time)

So, I needed a plan. I HAD to find the exercises I COULD do and make a routine of them.
So, here it is:
Things to try: (because they may or may not stress my heel)

-Yoga (the barefoot thing might be really bad)

Things to work into routine:

-Spinning (limit to 2x per week to start, because sometimes I do feel some stress )
-weight machines (especially for lower body, since even things like squats "dig" in through your heel in order to do it properly)
-swimming (I would LOVE to do this, but I am still trying to find access to a pool near me to do lap swim)
-"100" challenges - pushups and crunches

I'm still working on the details. After this week, which is really, super busy with rehearsals and a performance tonight, (so really, tomorrow will be good) I will come up with a solid schedule.

I am a woman on a mission! I will NOT lose my motivation!!!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

I need help - suggestions please!

Ok fellow bloggers, and whoever else might be reading this.
I don't know what to do. My plantar fasciitis is seriously debilitating now. I am limping all the time, I can put almost no pressure on the heal at all.
Yes, I am calling my podiatrist today.
I just don't know what to do about workouts. I JUST started Turbofire, and I am SOOOOO excited about it, but the workouts are high impact on the feet, and I am starting to think I just can't do it. Yesterdays awesome workout turned into Hell for my heel.
So, if worst comes to ABSOLUTE worst - I have to stop doing cardio for a while.
What the hell am I going to do??
I can lift, but can I do that everyday? Should I? Maybe go to the gym and do the machines? I just don't know where to go with this.
I's so frustrating that I am working so hard to do something good for my body and my health, and it causes pain in other parts (heel and wrist)
I am really at my wits end. Has anyone out there dealt with this? Any happy outcomes, please??

Monday, August 8, 2011


Yes, I'm back again. I should be working, but I can hardly function. Here is my eating so far today:

breakfast: Kashi cereal with 1 tbs natural pb and 1 tbs plain greek yogurt, mixed all together (um, it's delish. Try it)
snack: Larabar
snack: pear
lunch: 1/2 cup quinoa, 1/4 cup corn, 1/4 cup black beans, 3 tbs natural salsa
snack: 1 1/2 cups total of steamed broccoli, sugar snap peas and corn, sprinkles with sea salt, garlic powder and a tiny bit of parmesan.

70 oz of water down.

It's all been yummy, but I am hungry and cranky, headachy and I want chocolate. I'm not going to HAVE it, even though it is practically staring me in the face in this damn office.

I forgot to post my weigh in this morning: 209.4. Yes. That's 5 freakin lbs higher than my lowest. It's so damn easy to put back on, and then taking it off takes forever.

tonight for dinner - prolly a big salad with some kind of protein on it (veggie/soy burger) and salsa or oil and vinegar on it... maybe I'll have a little shredded cheese on it too (if Peapod delivers on time!)Hmmm, maybe a sweet potato on the side... dinner is starting to look up!

A little cheat - I chewed a piece of sugar free gum - a cheat because I am getting rid of all the artificial sweeteners, too, but a MUST because of the garlic on my veggies! WOH! I won't do that again at work!!

My new commitment

I finally got my Turbofire in the mail. I am VERY excited to begin this program. I actually popped in the DVD last night to get an idea of what I was in for, because the only time I had for a workout or 5AM this morning.
Ugh. Really? At least the kids slept. But, I really, really hate working out in the morning. I feel like my body is just not ready to move effectively and I don't feel like I work as hard.

So, today was day 1 of Turbofire, and I am pretty impressed. I liked the workout. It is supposed to be 30 minutes, but if you opt for the "new to class" workout, it's great because they break down the moves, but it ends up being about 45 minutes then. I was working on a VERY tight schedule this morning, so I was unable to do the 10 min stretching segment. I will do that after I get home from rehearsal later.

The only thing, in looking over the program, I think I would miss, is any lifting. AS far as I can see (and I could be wrong) there is no weight lifting at all. So, I am going to add 1-2 days of lifting in as well.

So, my new commitment:
-I will do the Turbofire workouts as scheduled (6 days), plus 1-2 days of lifting segments per week.
-I will eat clean, homemade, nutritious foods. The junk (even on occasion) has to go. I can't handle it "in moderation". Maybe one day I will be able to, but not now. No sugar (except fruit), no artificial sweetener, no caffeine, cheese limited to 1 serving (1 oz or 1/4 cup shredded) per day. Lean meats, veggies, whole grains.
-I will drink water, water, water. At least 80 oz per day.
-I will journal/blog when I am feeling something I need to deal with, instead of seeking out my substance(sugar)to suppress it.

These are all things I have been working on all along, but I have gotten lax and, as I mentioned, I simply can't handle moderation. As soon as I have "a little" I need more. Something is triggered. My IFG tries to convince me I can have "just a little" but she knows I can't, and then she totally takes over and eats more and more... greedy little thing.

The hard thing about today is it really is like being in detox. I'm am totally scatter-brained, I have a raging headache and a raging attitude to go along with it. My hands are shaking a little... this is all by 9:00 already... I am drinking lots of water, taking some Tylenol, and working through it a minute at a time.

You can see what kind of toll the sugar and caffeine take on me. Even thought I feel terrible, I know this is a good thing for me. It's a difficult time to start this, because this weeks schedule is even crazier than normal - work all week, rehearsal Mon, Tues, performance Wed, rehearsal Friday, Saturday... need to find time in each of those days (even if it's 5am) to get the workouts in. oh, yeah.. and my kids. Prolly should find some time for them too, huh?

I am praying it is a quiet day and people leave me alone. I really don't want to release the wrath on any unsuspecting co-workers. That would be really bad.

I'm out. I'm sure I'll be back.

Friday, August 5, 2011

And downward we go....

I have so much going on right now I feel like something has to give. Full time job, part time job, school, kids, theater company, exercise, new business, running this challenge...on and on. I told the hubs that after this show, I was out of the theater company and he got really upset and angry. He said that my giving up the company was like I was giving up on him, and that if I left, he thought everyone else would just bail. I can understand where he is coming from, but it still really hurt. I feel like it's one more thing that is holding me back from becoming the person I feel I need to be.

So, of course, I have to get all irrational, and I think that now I can't give up the theater company, even though my heart is just not in it anymore. The drama (of other people) the stress (rehearsal spaces, accompanists, keeping cast members, rehearsal schedules, costumes, props... on and on) just outweigh the love for performing I used to have. It REALLY used to feel like it was worth the work and the stress... but it doesn't feel like that anymore. So, I start to think that means that I can never open a business, that I should just give up on this whole thing. Forget school, everything. Maybe going back to school and trying to move in this totally new and foreign direction is selfish.

Now I feel lost. I am exhausted (which doesn't help) but frankly, I am never going to NOT be exhausted because of all the stuff I have going on. I just don't know where things can give. Do I give up on the dream? Is this dream just a passing excitement? Is it going to become just like performing? Work, work work and not get anything out of it? Should I just be happy in the job I have, stay here and leave everything else alone???

Sorry... I know this is rambling and irrational. But, it's where I am at right now. Totally overwhelmed and confused.

If I could do ANYTHING right now. I would quit my full time job and my part time job, go to school full time, and get my fitness certifications at the same time. I would work out like a fiend, tweak my eating to perfection. I would work on opening the business ASAP. I would concentrate on that and the family, and that's it.
But, I can't do that. I can't leave my job, because it helps me pay for school, and for Josh to be in school. I can't quit the part time (15 students I see all on the weekends) because we still need the money. And I can't quit the theater company because I'll be letting my husband and best friend down.
I'm stuck

Thursday, August 4, 2011

New fitness toys and my hardcore workout partner!

After a long day to attempting to stay awake in a training session, I asked my good friend Anna to come to Zumba with me at my gym. She happily agreed. Later, we treck over to the gym and I suspiciously eye the ladies in the zumba room, already dancing up a storm (even though we were early?) So, I go back and look at the schedule. *Doh!* Zumba started an hour before. Crap. Now what?
Well, Spinning class was just about to start.
Anna looked nervous. She had never been spinning before.
Well, we went in there and KILLED it. This was a good instructor, and she tried watching out for Anna (since she was new). It was intense, and I was (AM) SOOOOO proud of Anna for doing it and sticking out the whole class. She really proved to herself that she can really BRING it to intense workouts!
Did I mention I ordered some of these fab little helpers? They work wondered for the pain in my wrist. I use them for pushups and burpees - no pain! Woohoo!
Tonight I am FINALLY trying out my new Athletica DVD that I got, and is still sitting unopened. I feel like my cardio is going well, and I need to concentrate on getting more strength training in. I need to set up a specific schedule for cardio/strength/core, so I'm not wandering around every evening thinking "what am I doing tonight??" Getting my TURBOFIRE will also help! My Dad has made a wonderful contribution to my fitness goals by purchasing the Turbo Fire workout system for me. WOOHOO! I can't WAIT to get it and start trying it out!
Food was "meh" yesterday, but I didn't let it stop me from being as active as possible. I tried to get by my black-and-white thinking of "oh well, I already ate _______, so I might as well go wild today." This, my friends, does not work.
So, all packed up with lunch and snacks today. Planning on a healthy dinner and a little Athletica - I will let you know how much pain I am in tomorrow!

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

painful mornings?

Ok friends in fitness - are you in constant pain of some kind? I get up every morning with my feet in terrible pain. If I could use a walker to get myself to the bathroom in the morning, I would. I limp, have to hold myself up on walls... it's not pretty. Of course, the plantar fasciitis is an issue, but even the other foot is painful in the AM. Once I am up a little (and put on sneakers) they feel better.
Does everyone who is very active experience this? Or, should I be talking to my doctor?
Anyway, I've been thinking so much about my business. I have specific ideas about what I want to do, but financially, it will be SO long till I can do it. For example, the most financially frugal thing to do would be to start the business out of the house, however, I really don't want to do that. I have been running voice lessons from my house for 7 years and I just don't think it's a professional way to begin a weightloss/wellness type of establishment. So, right off the bat, we are talking about monthly rent, along with downpayments, furnishings, utilities, etc. Eh.
Regardless of how difficult it looks now, I know that this business will be a success. There is nothing else quite like it out there, and it's something that many people need. Unbeatable combo!
Yesterday, food was excellent, exercise was excellent, and I expect nothing less today. Working for my best self!

Monday, August 1, 2011


Maybe it's none of my damn business, but there is just something about people at the gym who come waltzing into class all late, loud and obnoxious that pisses me off.

When I am working hard, I get in a zone. Sometimes if I lose that zone, my body will start to rebel against me and I start to break down. Maybe someone out there knows what I'm talking about. When I am pushing, I need to focus. When someone comes slamming into the spinning room, talking loud, cackling away, and then casually rides the bike when everyone else is working their asses off - it really drives me batty.
I know that this woman's workout is none of my business, but on top of breaking my zone (and others, I am sure) she is TOTALLY phoning in her workout. WHY does this bother me?? I really don't know. I just feel like if you are going to be at the gym - BE there. Work hard. Get the most out of it.
Hm. Maybe I'm just bitchy. Maybe I'm just pissed she broke my zone and I had a hard time getting it back. Or, maybe that's my own fault. I don't know. But it had an impact, that's for sure.
Spinning was *ok* (not taking cackler into account). It was the same instructor I had last week that I really, really disliked. I decided to take this workout into my own hands. I worked really hard, but knew when to take down the intensity and when to bring it up again. It was a better experience that way. I did almost throw up once - but I'm thinking I just drank too much water at once. I am very satisfied by my work level. I pushed, and I am proud.
So, today, I did pay - in spinning.

You must pay.... with spinning!

Usually on my lunch time walk, I get total inspiration to blog. Today, all I could do was think about my boys. I love them so much.
Thing 1 is starting his first full week of pre-school. He will now go everyday, in preparation for all day kindergarden next year (not this fall, next fall) I can't believe how big he is getting.
Thing 2 is such a little punkin'. I just love his little toothy, smiley face. He will be 1 year old next week. I just can't believe it. One year ago, I was 75 lbs heavier (yes, I gained over 50 lbs in my pregnancy) and BEGGING the doctors to induce me... lol. They finally did. Sammy arrived about 8 hours and 2 pushes later, black hair sticking straight up like a mohawk. What an amazing little person he is becoming, taking right after his punky big brother. Talk about being blessed.
Ok, ate crappy this weekend and frankly, I totally forgot to weigh in this morning. When I get up, I've got 2 kids that are squirming to get up and going, and sometimes I hardly have time to pee, never mind remember to weigh in. Maybe I should change my weigh in day to Sunday? Hm. Something to think about.

Spinning tonight, to try and save my heel a little bit. It hasn't been terrible, but I have been a little non-compliant by not going back to the podiatrist... I really need to call and see what's what. There is no point in going back (and paying a co-pay) if I can't get another shot, or something else can be done (which, it can't) So, there you go.
Tomorrow night is rehearsal - which means no workout. I may be able to do a little lifting before we go, so I will try that. Wednesday: Spinning or a video, Thursday: Zumba or a video, Friday: Lifting (rehearsal) Saturday: Tuff Girl... sweat, rinse, repeat.
Eating WILL be better. Today is going well. Planned and packed everything, and it's been great. Leftovers for dinner, and NO sweets. It's always harder on myself the day after I indulge in sweets - taking them back again is more tourturous than not doing it at all. But, did I remember that this time? NOOOOoooooo! So, thus, I pay. You must pay. In sweat and hard work. So, tonight - I spin. My legs will burn, I will swear, and I will be glad I did it. Because I will feel good (after, anyway!)