Thursday, June 28, 2012

How is this different??

Yes, I got on the scale this morning and peaked again. I imagined what it would say - showing me that finally, counting my calories to a tee, exercising and making sure I had a 1000 calorie deficit on 95% of my days, and on days it wasn't at 1000, there was still a deficit was going to really work. Not only am I counting my calories, but I am using the carories I have on good, whole, clean, nutritious food. I just KNEW these things were paying off!!


These things are NOT paying off. Not on the scale anyway.

2-f'ing-04 is where I have been for f'ing EVER.

I know, I know exactly what you are all going to say "You can't measure your success my the numbers... " I understand this. I really, really do. But I also cannot believe that this body is meant to be over 200 f'ing pounds for the rest of my life. It's not possible.

So, how is this different from every other time I have been here? Well, what's different is that I know what I am doing is right. I KNOW that Calories In VS. Calories Out is the solution. So, this time, no matter what the scale says, I have to keep towing the line. I just need to keep doing what I am doing. There cannot be any other way. Before this, I would have taken a look at that scale and said "screw this. I can be 204 eating whatever I want. I don't need this". But not now. I MUST focus on the big picture:

1. I feel GOOD eating this way. I never have GI issues, feel overly full, or feel ravenously hungry (well, I guess on occasion I do. See HERE)
2. My workouts make me feel powerful, strong and healthy. Not only do they make me FEEL that way, they just plain MAKE me that way
3. This kind of diet and exercise plan helps keep the following away: cancer, high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease, raging obesity, aches, pains, etc.
4. I am teaching my children how to eat properly for their growing bodies. They will lead healthier lives because of this.

So, I am focusing on the big picture. Big Picture, Big Picture...I'm still dissapointed to be in the same place. So close to a goal I set so long ago, and still not there. The lump in my throat is not from food, but emotion.

Official weigh in is not till tomorrow. Of course, I will report back.


  1. I'm cutting and pasting a comment I wrote to another blogger who voiced the same confusion and frustration the other day:

    Please don't get so hung up on numbers. Your body doesn't behave like a calculator and does not always obey calories in vs calories out. If you are eating a clean diet of whole foods and exercising vigorously every day, the weight will come off. That said, calorie counts on food packaging is legally allowed to have a 20% margin of error, so what you think is 100 calories may be 125. Measuring accurately is another issue. And there is NO WAY to accurately measure calories burned, especially not in an online calculator. Body monitors are in a range, never 100% right, and the displays on cardio machines cannot precisely measure (I experimented with an elliptical at my gym two days in a row. Did the same 30 minute pre-programmed workout each day. One day my average HR was like 162, the following day it was only in the low 150s...but somehow I supposedly burned like 40 more calories on the second day). They are guidelines only. Concentrating on quality calories and quality exercise rather than driving yourself crazy crunching numbers (How many calories will it take to burn off my lunch? WRONG) is how you get to your goal and maintain your loss. Good luck.

    That said, I would also add (and pardon me if you are already doing these things; I only just found your blog recently so I'm not familiar with your history or current habits) -- most people underestimate their caloric intake and overestimate their caloric burn. Sometimes out of putting blinders on and "pretending" a bite here and a sip there don't count, but usually because of the reasons I mentioned above: they're taking a package at face value and maybe actually eating more than the "serving size," and because caloric burn is, at best, a ballpark. A week of vigilant weighing/measuring ALL foods will usually snap you back. Exercise is not a remedy for food; exercise is for fitness: strength, flexibility, endurance...and it sometimes results in weight loss. You don't do exercise to cancel out food. No workout can out-work a bad diet (I'm assuming from what you said you're eating clean whole foods, so this may not apply) and if a person is still eating processed foods just because they can "fit" those calories into their "allowance," those foods A) don't benefit your body in any way and B) impede weight loss.

    Most importantly, don't let that number set you off in the wrong direction. Try moving the scale to a different spot on the floor next weigh-in. Try another scale. And keep moving forward!

    1. Thanks for your response, Norma. I appreciate it.

      I am very careful to measure portion sizes, and recently (about 2 weeks ago or so) had a face-palm moment about the measuring of my peanut butter, probably resulting in an extra 100 cals per day. Ugh. Fixed that quick. I measure it all on a digital food scale. Every portion. I finally learned this is just the ONLY way it's going to work. I don't workout to compensate, but to keep feeling awesome and strong. LOVE my bootcamps!

      To measure my calories-out I am currently using a "Fitbit"... I'm not loving the generalized calorie counts on it, so I think I will be moving to a BodyBugg to make it a but more accurate.
      My calories-in each day range in the 1300-1400 area. Fitbit tells me I am burning 2600 (approx) per day, so I feel like 2300 a day may be a little more accurate. I never "eat" my exercise calories like I have seen others do. That is so dumb to me!

      I am eating very little processed food, but I have added more soy into my diet... any idea if this can hinder things? Could such a small amount really result in no weight loss? If so, how is anyone in the world losing anything? LOL

      That all being said, it's frustrating.

      I have to keep on keeping on - all the things you say are totally 100% right, and I truly feel like I am on board. Not letting the stupid number move me in the wrong direction is definitely why THIS time is different! Thanks again, Norma!!!

    2. My only thoughts on soy is that if you're finding it in the ingredient lists of foods, it is GMO soy...I avoid soy except for edamame once in a while at the sushi place...I don't think it's a hindrance to weight loss (see Japan) but the Omnivore's Dilemma turned me against eating it in processed form (soy milk, yogurt, etc. are just gross to me). My advice is to take the math out of it for a while. Eat as clean as possible, drink water and enjoy your exercise. Driving yourself crazy over cals in/out when you know you're doing everything right isn't helping your brain! :)

    3. Oooh, thanks for the thoughts on soy... I need to look into Omnivore's Dilemma before processed soy becomes a normal thing for me and the fam.
      Thanks again for your thoughts. I really admire you and how you go about this whole weight-loss insanity. And you are right - my brain hurts just thinking about it! LOL

    4. This comment has been removed by the author.

    5. This was a huge revelation to me recently, that not all calories were exact. I couldn't figure out why a 20ounce Diet MT. Dew would have 10 calories, but the 12 ounce would have 0? It stumped me FOREVER. Silly me, I took the packaging for face value. I finally googled it and found out that well... its a number they allow since its 5 calories or less, they can PUT 0 calories. WHAT?!
      I didn't know that they were allowed 20%.. that's nuts. You know, it's these types of things we should be teaching our kids in Health class.

      (I removed my last comment because I put Mt. Dew instead of Diet Mt. Dew, haha! Big difference!)

  2. I've been there before myself as you know, and when you are doing everything right sometimes the numbers just don't add up (ditto to Norma's calculator comment). See what happens on your official weigh in tomorrow and next week. If keep doing all the things you are doing (counting calories, lots of activity, eating clean, etc) you will get there!

    1. Thanks Erika! Here's to moving forward!!

  3. I know EXACTLY how you feel. Do you know how long my body was between 204-200?! I was SO frustrated. I actually thought several times, "Well, that's it. This is where my body thinks it should stay. I will NEVER lose weight again! *Cry*!" (I know a bit overdramatic huh?)

    But I decided screw it, I'm sticking to it. I don't mind eating right and exercising, it actually has done so much for me. So I kept on, and kept on, and kept on. And weird as it was, one day I was 201, and now like less than a week later I'm 197. WTF?! It drives me crazy, but Norma is right - you will get there! Just keep plugging away.

    1. Oh, Rae - I am WITH you on the drama!!! It feels like I wanna cry, that's for sure!! LOL
      Thank you so much for responding. It's really, really great to see someone who was sitting right where I am now and got over the hump. Congrats to you!! I am hoping to be with you VERY soon in ONE-derland!!

  4. Damn, I read every response and they are all dead on. I really have nothing to add, just want to re-comment what norma said, "My advice is to take the math out of it for a while. Eat as clean as possible, drink water and enjoy your exercise. Driving yourself crazy over cals in/out when you know you're doing everything right isn't helping your brain! :)" (again, said by norma)

    1. Thanks Trisha - you are right, it IS awesome advice, and I am going to follow it! :-)

  5. Oh girl! I feel for you! I'm stuck on a number too. The scale. WILL. NOT. BUDGE! I'm about to pitch it out a window...;)

    Hang in there!


    1. Well, I feel like, it can't ACTUALLY stay there for ever, RIGHT?? LOL. I know I am doing the right things, and from what I read over there at thinfluenced, you are too! We will get there, girl!