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Friday, June 22, 2012

Relationship tension? Advice needed...

I'm am looking for a little advice, guys...
I need to hear from the ladies out there whose relationships have changed because of your healthy lifestyle shift.
I never thought I would be one of those, but sometimes I feel like the Hubs and I are going in completely different directions. He has always tried to be supportive, and I appreciate him so much... but he's not interested in really, truly engaging himself in a healthier way of living, and it makes it difficult for he and I to relate right now. He's pretty miserable with anything we ever have in the house to eat. I try to get him to do things with me and he doesn't want to. He complains that he is tired all the time - but it's because he has weight to lose and is not active.
I'm frustrated. More than ever I am feeling like he doesn't want me to lose any more weight. And I love him, but that is too damn bad. I WILL get to my goal, whether he is with me or not.
This divide is more far reaching than just figuring out dinner and exercising. His fatigue is affecting the rest of our relationship as well...
Well, I just needed to vent. If anyone reading has any advice - please - I'm all ears...

11 comments:

  1. You need to keep doing what is right and healthy for you. Hopefully your husband will follow your example, but you can't force anything! I was actually in your husbands position last year, my guy was getting fit n healthy and I wasn't. I was depressed and exhausted. In my own time, I realized I wanted to live better and I started to go to the gym with my guy... It wasn't an easy transition, sometimes we had fights and he couldn't understand why I didn't want to be healthy. I got there in my own time. Understanding and patience is so key.

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    1. Understanding and patience - I KNOW you are right about this! Patience has never been my strong suit, especially with something I am so passionate about... but it's absolutely something I need to work on. What was it that made you realize you wanted to make a change?
      Thanks for the advice, Jeanette!

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  2. My advice, to put it simply, is to leave him alone.

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    1. "leaving him alone" is not really an option. He is my husband, the father of my children, and his health and our relationship are priorities. Now, perhaps I am not going about things exactly right, but leaving him alone just won't work...

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  3. I can't offer advice on a changing relationship like a marriage, but I can say that most of my relationships have changed since I've been losing weight. My relationships with my family members have all changed - it's tough to be the one active person in the family, the one who says no to pizza and yes to running. Weight loss is something we've all wanted but I was the only one who took the leap and made the lifestyle changes - so there's been a lot of resentment. The same has happened with friendships, I've had to distance myself from some of even my oldest friends because without food and inactivity, we didn't have much in common anymore - I can't have people in my life who aren't supportive of my goals, or who encourage/trigger off-plan behaviors. I'm sure you love your husband very much - try to talk to him about how you want to have a healthy and active life *together*. Family therapy is also an option - we did it as kids to work through the transition of my parents' divorce.

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    1. resentment is the word of the day here, I think. He and I are both feeling it, and I think it's only going to get worse. Plus, his health issues are a huge factor.
      I also don't want to be the "downer" all the time - always saying no (just for myself, not for him) to pizza, etc. When I say no, and I tell him it's totally up to him if he wants the pizza, I feel like he gets frustrated. We used to be eating buddies... old habits die hard... Thanks for your advice, Mary

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  4. My husband was kind of the same way. He was supportive of me but his eating habits were sabotaging my weight loss! He didn't have a lot to lose, 30 lbs or so, but his lifestyle needed help or his heart health was going to go down the tubes! We had a good talk and I gave him an ultimatum. I said I want him at the finish line with me when I reach goal. He didn't have to jump on the bandwagon right at that minute, but by the time I'm done, I want him to be healthy and fit too, for us to be healthy together and life a long life together. It took him a while, but now we run together and he's on board with healthy eating. He still eats crap now and then, but it's usually just when he's out of the house. I think it helped that I didn't put the pressure on after that. I left it in his court.

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    1. I like this idea - hubby has high blood pressure issues and heart attacks run in his family (his dad had his first one at 38!) and it really scares me. This is a huge reason I am pushing him. Thanks for your input!

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  5. I'm divorced. My weight loss/lifestyle change certainly wasn't the only issue but I believe it was a major catalyst. The changes I made empowered me and terrified him. Resentment brewed (on both sides). Honestly, I suggest counseling. NOW. Sounds like this is bothering both of you a lot and it will not clear up on its own.

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    1. I totally hear you, Norma. I feel the resentment brewing on both sides and it's terrifying... Thanks for the advise.

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  6. I have no advice...I wish I had the perfect answer...but I don't...so I'll just pray!

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