Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Another day at the office

Good morning, Blog-land

First, thank you to Norma, Rea Rea and Jenn for your responses yesterday regarding my "blood sugar" crashes... it seems it's possible there is another culprit: anxiety.

This, I hate to say, is a total possibility. Let me explain.

2 years ago today, my incredible, Mohawk-haired Thing 2 came into this world. When I say Mohawk, I mean it. He had more hair than I did. Woh. He just blew my mind. The love I felt for him was over-the-top. While I was pregnant, I was afraid I wouldn't be capable of loving him as much as my Thing 1 - but there was NEVER any problem with that. Your heart simply grows bigger to make room.

A little less than 2 years ago, I was diagnosed with extreme post-partum depression. It was horrible. I was scared and anxious all the time. I cried constantly. I wanted to be alone all the time. I could hardly get up during the night to care for my infant. Thank GOD I have an amazing husband who was caring, compassionate, and did almost all of the night time work.

I was on medication. Which I hated. But at that point, I couldn't function without it. I actually weaned myself off of the meds (2 different ones) before my doctor thought it was appropriate. In my defense - I was eating well and exercising a lot, and I know that helped me get through it faster than some.

As I reflected last night on the idea that this heart pounding/sweating/shaking situation could actually be anxiety, I recalled that more recently, I have been feeling down, and wanting to be alone a lot more. I feel at times I am forcing myself to do my everyday activities. I just attributed it to fatigue. At this point, I am willing to admit it might be something more. It's something I will pay attention to.

So, moving on... I left work early yesterday for an appointment and I was able to find time to go to the gym. A luxury, really, on a busy Monday. Normally I like to run outside whenever possible. But, it was SO muggy and hot out yesterday, I opted for the treadmill. I was very happy with the end result.

I put the incline on 1.5, to more closely simulate outdoor running. I warmed up quickly and set myself to just run the first mile straight. I actually felt *good*! The second mile I worked intervals. 45 second sprints, 1 minute recovery. Whew! 3rd mile, ran about .60 of it straight and then slowed it down progressively for the last .40 or so. Got in a really good stretch (cause my hips and calves were SCREAMING) and called it a day. 45 minute workout. Done. Felt awesome (afterwards, anyway!)

Eats for yesterday just slightly changed - .5 oz of almonds on salad, no chick peas, no apple with PB in the evening, replaced with 1/2 a protein shake. I needed something cold and light and it fit the bill. Calories ended up just over 1260

Eats for today (it's going to seem like déjà-vu)

full, 2 scoop click shake (actually divided up into 2 shakes. I was up at 5:30, and it was a long morning)
B: 1.5 pieces red pepper spinach (crust less) quiche
S: 1/2 cup cottage cheese, 1/2 cup blueberries (seriously, my fav snack right now)
L: zucchini lasagna
S: banana, 1 oz cheese (maybe)
D: repeat of last nights salad.

Tonight: Cooking for the rest of the week on tap. Oatmeal and some Black Bean Quinoa burgers.

Avoiding the massive bag of fresh kettle corn sitting on the cabinet next to me that the co-workers are diving into. Hopefully it will be gone soon.

Just another day at the office. 


  1. Kelliann, thanks for talking openly about your anxiety/depression struggles. I deal with this a little bit myself, so I understand how they can both be frustrating and a little scary. Scary in the sense that, if nothing is wrong and I still feel down, it's hard for me to just realize that maybe I just need to remove myself from a certain situation.

    Also, thank you for indirectly reminding me about running for 2 reasons: 1) upping the incline when I run on a treadmill and 2) switching to timed intervals when things get tough.

  2. Ah, the beauty of blogging in a nutshell! When others can help us identify aspects of our lives that we can't see for ourselves. It's funny how that happens.

    I also suffered from some nasty PPD after my twins were born so I FEEL YOU. Depression & anxiety are often intertwined. One kind of leads to another. So while I may not feel depressed anymore in my daily life, when I get stressed, the anxiety pumps through my blood in a way it never did prior to the PPD. I did take a cocktail of meds for a while but I got off of them. And then I still felt like I needed help so I take ativan as needed. Sometimes I need it. I'm cool with that now.

    Just think how much worse off you could feel if you didn't have a solid foundation in your exercise & nutrition routine, right??

    Thankful to have you as a blog bud. You get it, you work hard and you don't have excuses!!

  3. Are we sisters from another mother or what?

    I had PPD with my first, terribly. I didn't want ANYTHING to do with my first, thought my life was over, and the only way I can describe it was that I was in this massive black hole that was sucking me in. It was terrible. I was put on meds for 30 days, then weaned off.

    Second, I was all ready for it, lol. Doctor had me on meds 2 weeks before it was time, then I was again on them for 30 days until my hormones could get straight.

    I have crazy wacky hormones anyway. This weight loss has been messing with my monthly for a long time. Gyno said it's just that my body doesn't know how much hormones to pump out to effectively cover my body, so to speak. That might be something you think about. I'm having hella bad monthlys, and they come every 3 weeks now.

    According to him, they will even out once I get to and stay at a healthy weight. Loves!!

  4. I, too, had horrible PPD. With my first, I probably let it go longer than I should have before seeing the doctor. With the second, my husband called the minute he saw a symptom. A couple of days after she was born, I got out of the shower and my husband said "Get going, doc will see you in half an hour".

    I hated the medication and weaned as soon as possible. Now I still have bouts of anxiety and depression that can be pretty bad since I am not using my medication of choice any more (food).

  5. Hi, new follower. :-) I can relate. I have also struggled with depression and anxiety, and prefer to regulate it with diet/sleep/exercise. I think it's great you are paying attention to it and open to going back on meds if it doesn't improve/gets worse. I'm in the same boat - I'm off meds right now and would prefer to stay off but open to the possibility if things get really bad again. It's hard to find that balance of listening to advice, but also realizing it's your own body and trusting yourself to know what is best for you.

    It's hard because so far it's not like blood pressure where they can run a test and tell you exactly what your numbers are and how meds are impacting that - deciding how you feel with anxiety/depression (kind of like hunger! pain!) is more subjective. I think that makes it harder to track. If you are already logging other things (exercise, food etc) an idea if you aren't already doing this, is just give your depression or anxiety a 1-10 score daily. I found it helped me ride certain things out to see patterns, (time of month) and also if lack of sleep, certain life events, food choices, impacted mood.

    I really enjoy your blog. :-)

  6. Ugh - I've been there and done that and I know you know that. I'm sorry you know what it feels like but I'm damn happy you are seeing the signs before it's too careful. xoxo babe.