Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Working out the crazies

Talkin' myself down, guys.

Thanks for the comments. As usual, you all help release my death grip on the insanity that is my anxiety.

Say that sentence 4 times fast. Hehe

Last night was very crappy food wise. My white knuckles couldn't hold on anymore. My decision. My fault. MY BAD. No one to blame but myself.

Getting it together today. I need to log every single bite and I need to keep breathing. Working overtime tonight, so brought a little extra food with me. Keeping control over not eating it all at once has proved a little challenging. I have set times for myself in an attempt to plan it and then let it go.

Click this morning (1 scoop, .5 cup almond milk, water, ice
B, 9:00: oatmeal, 1/4 cup blueberries
S, 11:00 1/4 cup blueberries, 1/2 cup lowfat cottage cheese
L: 12:30 1/2 sweet potato, 1/2 cup homemade sauce, 2 oz cabot 75% red fat cheese
S: 2:30 medium banana, 1 oz almonds
S: 4:00 Click (as above)
Total calories at this point = 1055
D: 7:00 Salad

I will keep talking to myself: "Are you really hungry? No... ok, you can wait until your time for snack/lunch", etc... Inner fat girl came parading her ass out last night and now she needs to be put back in her cage.

I have no desire what-so-ever to workout. I don't even want to walk up the stairs in my building. I am SURE it's because I feel heavy and lethargic from yesterday, and I am SURE I will feel better tomorrow. After overtime tonight, I WILL work out anyway. I WILL. Because I KNOW it will make me feel better TONIGHT.

Thing 1 came into our room this morning about 4:00 - bad dream, poor little guy. Usually I would sit with him a few minutes, rub his back, tell him it's ok, and I would carry him back to his bed for the rest of the night. Hubby, however, decided to bring him into bed with us, cover him up with a blanket and turn over to go back to sleep. In my half-awake-ness, I thought this wouldn't be too bad - just this once...

Except this meant I was hanging off the bed, desperately trying to get the last hour of sleep in while little legs and arms were perpetually karate chopping my head. This is not conducive to sleep. I kept trying to get comfy, but it never worked. So, I've been awake since 4. Thing 1, however, slept soundly till almost 6:30.

As did hubby.


1 comment:

  1. We had a little intruder last night as well...she ended up in between us and I seem to be the only one who suffered. Ended up in HER dora bed!!

    I hope the anxiety is lessening for you. You are back on the horse now and that should give you the 'in control' feeling you need right now!